Spanking

[DanaC]

I can count on one hand the number of times I was hit by my parents through my childhood. And the only time I was ever spanked (English usage) was really quite tragic lol. My poor Dad was at his wits end. I had driven him absolutely to distraction. Poor bugger was just trying to get some sleep during the day before going to his night job. It is the only time I was ever put across a knee, and he barely tapped me. I honestly barely felt the smacks. But I recall the humiliation. I also know that he felt guilty about it for years after.

The only time he ever hit me hard was on one occasion when he cracked me across the back of the head with his hand. That hurt. But it didn't hurt half as much as I made it seem. Again, this was a desperate response to my keeping him awake when he was trying to sleep. In fact I had quite deliberately wound him up, by stomping up and down the stairs ( I cannot recall why I was doing this). Again this was something he felt very guilty about and he and mum ended up having a big row about it.

The only time I can recall Mum actually hitting me was as a teenager. We had a blazing row and I think I may have screamed the words 'I fucking hate you' in her face ... she was going through some difficult times and I was really not helping matters :P She lost her temper and slapped me accross the face. This is something she still says she feels guilty about, though God knows if ever a teenager 'deserved' a slap in the face it was me :P

I believe Dad started out as an authoritarian type of parent with my Bro, before I came along. I know he was more inclined to smack him when he was little, than he was with me. He'd mellowed and become comfortable with the role of Father by the time I came along and had come to the conclusion (along with Mum who'd always been that way) that it simply was not right to engage in any violent act with children.

Neither of them needed to use smacking/spanking to make their point. Most of the time either one of them could bring us to heel with the very thought that they were disappointed or angry ( I say 'we' by which I mean 'me'; there wasn't much need to bring my Bro to heel he just did his own thing in his own way and didn;t really do 'naughty': a quiet rebel my Bro) Having talked to them as adults I know that on each of those very few occasions where they resorted to such a response, they themselves considered that a failing: they'd lost control and out of anger, or desperation, or tiredness they'd done something that was counter-productive and 'wrong' in their own terms.

When Dad hit me that time after I'd deliberately woken him up (again), it didn't work because it was a 'punishment' or consequence of my action; it worked because I knew I'd pushed him to the point that he had become someone else for a moment. Because My Dad just wouldn't do that. That made me feel bad. And so I engaged in a little childish self-analysis. I had a similar response to Mum slapping me. (after the obligatory storming out and slamming of doors along with the declaration that was leaving!)

What taught me 'consequences' were their non-violent responses. Not being allowed to play out for a few days. That hurt. Being sent to bed early. That hurt. Them being disappointed hurt most of all. Getting hit was just fucking weird. Weirded me out, and weirded them out too.