Please excuse my emotional distance this week

[Elspode]

My divorce, although nearly ten years behind me now, is still the single biggest twinge I get when I think back over my life, even though I am vastly better off now than I was then, and in all areas possible.

I learned a lot of lessons back then...let me share them:

1. Never drink alone...it depresses you, and you hardly ever get laid. Drink conservatively, drink responsibly, and always drink with others, preferably single women.
2. Always remember that it takes two to tango. Therefore, whenever you feel like you've failed at your relationship, remember that the crazy bitch you were married to failed also.
3. Albums that are perfect while going through a divorce: Guns n' Roses' "G 'n R Lies", featuring " I Used to Love Her"; John Hiatt's "Ridin' With the King", featuring "I Say It With Flowers" (and, if there's a shadowy male correspondant mucking up the works, the song "She Loves the Jerk"), and Harry Nillsson's "Son of Schmillson", featuring "You're Breakin' My Heart."
4. Albums that are bad while going through a divorce - Anything by Air Supply, Barry Manilow or The Captain and Tennille. Come to think of it, those are just bad, period, anytime.
5. And the one truly serious piece of advice I have to offer, besides the responsible drinking part of #1...always, always, always keep the phone number of a friend handy, and always, always, always remember to use it when you are really feeling down. My friends probably literally saved my life a couple of times when my 13-year marriage was exploding and my kid was paralyzed in the hospital at the same time.

I wish you all the best, UT, and I know you'll come out alright on the other side.