The 24 hour engagement.

[disenchanted]

so hey, let me try to drag this back on topic with another consolidated reply.

zengum: I like your line of thinking with the bias towards regretting action vs. regretting inaction. It's just a little academic right now. Depending on how this shakes out, I'll have more insight to whether my bias for action was the right one.

xoxoxoBruce: I'm trying to hang on to hope that it was all panic, but you're right about feeling kicked in the nuts.

alluvial: I probably haven't given full enough detail to say whether I'm a jackass worthy of her being retrospectively glad about her decision.

tiki: I thought we'd turned a corner. There doesn't seem to be a set recipe for how long or how much bliss before it's ok, yeah?

undertoad: big wonky secret is a possibility, sure. But how does one work around or through that?

Queen of the Ryche: It's a small sample set. Right now it's a yes/no. Not quite enough to distinguish a pattern. But I hear you on the possibility of repetitive oscillation (the yo-yo effect)

monster: Aye. There aren't a lot of rules about the significance and temporal locality of troubles though. It's hard to gauge how bad or how recent things are in this sort of decision.

So here's the deal: I'm driving myself batty staying distant, but the longer I go, the more it feels like I'm playing some ill-defined game. I'm not supposed to contact her, yeah? Give her her space, right?

I love her. No matter how fouled up this is right now, a couple days haven't changed how I feel. I'm getting seriously wrapped around the axle on this idea that I'm not supposed to contact her in any way, because it's feeling like a really stupid game. One that everyone has a foggy idea of the rules of (consistent or not), but they hold steadfast to.

I've not contacted her. Game or not, I'm allowing myself the possibility that no contact is the right thing right now.

And for those that say I've not given enough information for specific advice, I'll freely lay out way more relationship history than you'd care to hear. I'm trying to err on the side of "just enough", but you know, I signed up here a couple years ago when I thought I'd found a place that could help me with my last failed relationship.

Originally Posted by disenchanted

tiki: I thought we'd turned a corner. There doesn't seem to be a set recipe for how long or how much bliss before it's ok, yeah?

My advice was not based on any set recipe, but simply on observation, and on your description of the situation.

If everything had gone as you hoped, then clearly I would be wrong and my advice would be moot for your situation.

[limey]

hey there, disenchanted! How did GF leave it? did she say "never darken my door again" .... "What?!?!?!?!? Er no way" .... "Hmmmmmmm I need some time" ......"I'll be in touch"....
IMHO there are no rules, as such, except to listen to your partner, and communicate with them about how you feel. Did she say she needs space/time? Then I'd say that'd be about a week; then contact her with a gentle, "How are things with you" type communication. Did she say "I'll be in touch ..." then leave it to her, however tough that is, however long it is.

We can't tell you what to do, however much information you give us. Only your GF has the clues. Ask her, gently, to share them with you.

Oh, and by the way, xob is right in post #52 ...

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by disenchanted

undertoad: big wonky secret is a possibility, sure. But how does one work around or through that?

One doesn't, unless given an opportunity to do so by the other one.

The advice we give you has to be pretty general because there is no recipe.
But I can give you one solid fact... the one that loves the least, controls the relationship. Always.