Tiki Bitches About...

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.

Exactly how I read it too Ali.
I have a similar situation with my mom, asking her to leave me alone doesn't work though, so I've had no choice except to learn to tune it out. If she asks a question and demands an answer, I usually say "I stopped paying attention." Either she gets pissed and walks off or she repeats the question if it was actually important. She'll talk to me from the other room, and I just say "Can't understand you" and go back to ignoring her.
As a side-note, we do have good and important conversations. She just likes to also try to convert me, or tell me how exactly I should live, that's when I start tuning her out.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by dollface

Tiki, Oh my God, I think you are my long lost twin!! I read through this thread and kept thinking "Yes! GO Tiki!"
I'd be that pissed too if someone was getting all chatty with me in the morning.

It appears to me that some people are trying to get a rise out of you? You have nothing to defend, your emotions and issues are totally normal and I truly do sympathize.

Oh- by the way- Hi everyone, I'm Dollface.

Yes, chatty people and barking dogs.

[classicman]

very small yappy dogs

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

If you have housemates they're going to annoy you from time to time.

If you post shit about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their opinion.

If you don't like those opinions, ignore them. After all, they're just opinions.

FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.

I had to learn that lesson as well. I learned it from my AA sponsor when I lived in LA. Acceptance and boundaries and expectations are all linked. Boundaries (or lack of them rather) and expectations can make your life misearable if you let them. Acceptance, or learning how to accept people for who they are, helps. Everyone is going to have some habit or thing they do that might drive you crazy. Saying the Serenity Prayer can help in those situations.

[wolf]

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

[dollface]

I hate ankle biters too

Originally Posted by classicman

very small yappy dogs

[wolf]

you are three posts from spamming us, aren't you?

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by wolf

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

I don't know about that. When I first got sober, saying the Serenity Prayer helped me calm down and put things in perspective. The truth is, you cannot change people. You can only accept them for what they are. If you are in a situation where boundaries can be applied, then make agreements, and hold people responsible for their end of the agreement. If it is a situation where something that bothers you is something you really cannot change or an agreement cannot be reached, you can either: a) accept whatever it is and not be so annoyed, b) get out of the situation, or c) allow things to remain the same and be annoyed. If you really don't want to get out of the situation because it is a minor annoyance and it is something that cannot be changed by making an agreement, acceptance will make you happier in the long run.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by wolf

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

"Serenity now! SERENITY NOW!"
"What is that?"
"The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'"
"Are you supposed to yell it?"
"The man on the tape wasn't specific."
- Seinfeld

[Shawnee123]

Ha! I yell that at my dad and brothers sometimes.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by LabRat

Your downside is my bonus effect.

The technical phrase for this is:

It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Tiki, don't be rude and disrespectful. Hopefully you don't treat people in real life like you do here. UT was at first giving helpfull advice, just because you don't want to take it, doesn't make him, or anyone else a jerk. If you don't like it ignore it. Just like you should ignore your roommate. I don't fucking care if you're on the internet, disrespect is disrespect no matter what form it takes. If you would talk to another person in real life like you did to UT, and Dana awhile ago, then you deserve to be slapped. Just because you're typing your disrespect rather than saying it, makes no difference. Its still rude and uncalled for.

When someone is flippant and disrespectful toward me, I'll tell them so. If they persist, I'll tell them to fuck right off.

So you believe that physical violence is an appropriate response to harsh language? I hope you have no children.

Originally Posted by dollface

Tiki, Oh my God, I think you are my long lost twin!! I read through this thread and kept thinking "Yes! GO Tiki!"
I'd be that pissed too if someone was getting all chatty with me in the morning.

It appears to me that some people are trying to get a rise out of you? You have nothing to defend, your emotions and issues are totally normal and I truly do sympathize.

Oh- by the way- Hi everyone, I'm Dollface.

Thanks Dollface, I appreciate it!

Originally Posted by wolf

Bullseye.

Not bad for an amateur.

Yeah, it's obvious that anyone who wants to go about their livelihood uninterrupted has a personality disorder.

I'm curious as to what percentage of the people who think there's something "wrong" with me for being frustrated by having my work constantly interrupted are, themselves, unemployed?

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it's most of them.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

If you have housemates they're going to annoy you from time to time.

If you post shit about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their opinion.

If you don't like those opinions, ignore them. After all, they're just opinions.

FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.

My housemate has a lot of habits that are annoying, but most of them don't interfere with my ability to be productive, so I let them slide.

For instance:
Her dog sheds everywhere and she rarely vaccuums. Maybe every couple of months.
Spoiled leftovers - I won't go into detail
Her dog eats more than twice as much as mine, but I buy dog food twice as often.
Her cat shits and pisses EVERYWHERE in the basement and she doesn't clean it up.
She tends to leave dirty pots in corners and never clean them out.
She is a junk-hoarder, and one end of the basement is completely packed with garbage that smells like cat pee.

So, you know, I go to vent about the one thing - being yammered at when I'm trying to get set up for work in the morning - that I just can't let slide, and a bunch of people treat me like I'm being unreasonable.

And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.

Seems like if I was willing to move THAT boundary, I might not still be successfully self-employed, you know? Some boundaries help us accomplish our goals, and continuing to pay my bills is one of mine.