Happy birthday, I think....

[monster]

or..... How not to write a birthday email.... or Happy birthday, my present to you is my life sucks more than yours.....

this just in from my sister

HI

Happy Birthday for Tuesday

I am afraid I only got to the post office on Saturday and they were quoting 7 days so I guess it will be next weekend (sorry) My only defense is that Hubby has been out in India all week and he would normally have done local villiage stuff in the week but it all got left to me at the weekend …..

He came back this morning at 8am (phew) it’s a struggle to commute, work, Ballet three times (exam next Monday) Library, tap and a swimming lesson and do all the house stuff - especially the week after our annual house destruction party - Hubby left at 5am on Sunday morning leaving me with ALL the scrubbing and cleaning up - including face paint trodden into carpet throughout the house, double dip sherbert dropped on the carpet etc etc - Just about finished as I collected Hubby a week later…. (hmm very well planned trip me thinks)

We never having a party like that again - it was great fun but after …… This year we are having new carpets so it doesn’t matter but any other time …….

Ah Well - Happy Birthday

Love

Sister Hubby Child

um, thanks

[kerosene]

Dear Sis,

thanks for the update on your happenings. I am glad to hear you got the place cleaned up in time for my birthday party. See you next Saturday!

Love,

Your Grateful Sister Monster

[Sundae]

Sis

Interesting that you mention the carpets as if cleaning them was one of your chores, and then admit you are getting news ones only a couple of lines later "so it doesn't matter". Either your lies have caught you out (in which case you might have Alzheimers) or you cleaned carpets that are going to be thrown anyway in which case you might have OCD. Either way I don't acept either as an excuse not to get me a damned birthday present.

You do realise that there are people who have terrible lives full of house hunting and allergic reactions and falling down stairs and stuff and they still wouldn't dare let a sibling's birthday slip.

Please think long and hard about whether you really want us to be sisters in future, because quite frankly your performance to date could really show some improvement. If you feel you cannot live up to expectations I am confident I can find my children a new Aunt.

For the time being I remain
Your loving sister
Monster

[Undertoad]

Dear Sis,

I know what you mean about the hubby being away. Last week my hubby was in France on business, and was kind of forced to buy me a birthday gift while he was there. Luckily he planned the shipping for the gift in advance so it would get here on time - he's so thoughtful of others!

It sure sounds chaotic over there! What you need is a strong family unit willing to help you out from time to time. I find that, when I've shown to someone how I care about them, they are very willing to watch my kids for an afternoon or take half the load of planning something. I think of it like that movie, pay it forward?

That reminds me - for your next visit I have gone to the trouble of working out which Holiday Inn is closest. I know you stayed here in my home last time, but now the house is a little messier, including the carpets, and I won't have the time to clean before you come over. It's my fault, I know, but I have more than compensated by working out those Holiday Inn details -- which takes me a long time to do, as I'm not very good at it. Also, you will have to call them for the pricing information, as I'm not handy with the phone.

Love
Monster