Elbows on the table

[Aliantha]

Actually HLJ has a point about spilling stuff if you've got too much arm on the table.

have you ever noticed how easily kids knock stuff over at the table? And then of course, adults should keep most of their arms off the table in order to set a good example.

I see this as a possible explanation for where the idea came from. Who's with me?

[Urbane Guerrilla]

I remember reading somewhere about allowing the forearm (just one) to rest on your table place along the table edge, during dessert. A sort of Plan B, for relaxed dining en-famille. Dessert plates being smaller, there'd be room.

[Radar]

Originally Posted by wolf

My Equadorian friend has a different set of table rules, the most important of which is that you should never ever ever put your hands below the level of the table. Apparently it's a way of making sure that you don't get shot or stabbed by a fellow diner.

This is also a custom in Japan.

[Radar]

Our mom was pretty strict about table manners, and manners in general, especially if we went out to eat. You did not have your elbows on the table, you did not wear a hat at the table, you must wash your hands before dinner, you don't argue or even laugh at the table. You don't speak with your mouth full. You pass the food when asked, and you asked to be excused if you want to leave the table for any reason. You kept your napkin in your lap. When you asked someone to pass the food you would say please and thank you. If eating chicken or something like that, dad always got the biggest piece.

You were expected to be on time for dinner and if you weren't, you got into trouble. There were 3 of us, so one would clean up the table, one would wash dishes, and one would dry them and put them away. We had a dish washer, but my mom didn't trust them.

Dinner time was when we talked about what was going on at school, or my dad would talk about his day at work, etc.

If we were outside in a restaurant and we did anything to embarrass our parents, there was no question that a beating was coming. Often times at restaurants, complete strangers would approach our table and tell our parents how well behaved we were.

I seriously think having the family dinner thing and expecting kids to have table manners helps them to be more respectful and keeps them on the right track. When I was a kid, I thought my parents were crazy and I hated them. Now that I'm older, I'm thankful they loved us enough to do the right thing even though it would have been easier to allow us to turn into animals like some of the other kids we saw running around, back talking, etc.

[Stormieweather]

My parents came from poor backgrounds, but we still had table manner rules. We all sat together and there was no tv on, well we didn't actually have a tv, so that wasn't an issue. Napkins in our laps, using please and thank you, passing to your left. No loud noises, slurping, burping, or flatulence at the table. If you need to cough or sneeze, excuse yourself from the table and leave the room. Don't leave the table until you've asked to be excused and permission is granted. No elbows on the table and don't play with your food or utensils.

I've passed on these basics to my children, although we're not terribly strict, we do want our children to be feel comfortable no matter what sort of event they are participating in.

However, I found after I grew up, I was completely unprepared for formal dining. Three knives, four forks, three spoons, three glasses, several plates, and sorbet being served between courses. Never put your napkin in your lap until the host(ess) does, always put the knife on the place-blade facing inwards, but never leave the soup spoon in the bowl, it is always placed beside the bowl. Only sip soup from the side of the spoon, don't insert the spoon into your mouth and leave your napkin on your chair, not the table. Is there such a thing as carrying manners to an extreme?

In my travels, I learned many other countries customs, but usually they are tolerant of guest's errors.

Oh, when out in restaurants, I often have complete strangers come to our table and compliment my children for being so well-behaved. That's always a good feeling .

Stormie


ps: Cicero, the rule of keeping elbows off the table is a courtesy for your tablemates. If you were to accidentally knock over a drink or dump their soup into their lap, it would be rude. There is less chance of that happening if the awkward and angular elbows are by your side and not being swung around where the food is located.

[sweetwater]

We probably learned table manners from newspaper articles than real life. I do not recall ever going to a restaurant that did not have a drive-thru window, but at home we were expected to conduct ourselves in such a way as to not get the Old Man mad. It was a survival consideration, not a courtesy to our table mates. I have never seen or heard of the "American custom" of switching a fork to the other hand but I would not do it anyway. I'm a lefty and have a difficult enough time with a right-handed world. Rightys can just look the other way on that one, I insist on indulging my stubborn streak on that point! Elbows on the table look slovenly and are hazardous to items that do belong on the table, but I think it's more to present a good form to others diners, much like a washed face, combed hair, and clean clothes allow others to enjoy a meal since they have to look at you while you share the table.

[Sundae]

I was thinking of this thread on Sunday when I was working.
There was a little boy behaving badly in the pub - the first really poorly controlled kid I've seen since I've worked there (apart from one little Italian girl, but different rules apply to tourists!)

He was about 3 and was allowed to run round as he pleased when the rest of the family were eating. We'd made a special child's portion for him but it was left untouched as far as I could see (we are a pub not a bar, so don't really cater for children).

He kept trying to run into the kitchen because the first time he tried it his Dad chased after him. I sympathise in that the kid thought it was a game and would probably have screamed the place down if he was stopped but it was potentially very dangerous (with a possibility of fatal). It was more that the rest of the family - Grandparents too! - seemed to think this was quite cute and quite normal. Not a child used to eating with grown ups it seems.

Oh and later he started throwing money about. Three times he picked up change from the table and threw it onto the floor. Overhand throws, not just pushing it off the table. And they thought that was funny too, although after the third time Dad (again) decided enough was enough and pocketed the money. Letting your child throw anything inside an eating or drinking establishment is pretty wrong. And it was only 2p's so not even worth the collection value

[kerosene]

That kind of behavior makes me cringe. It's pretty common around here, though. We get complimented on our kids' behavior. When I hear a kid screaming at his parents or demanding this or that, I feel grateful that we are fairly strict and that our kids don't do that. I always think back to "what my parents would have done if I had behaved like that."

[HungLikeJesus]

I can attest to that. I've had dinner with Case and family.

[Trilby]

When I was a wee lass and a waitress at the finest pancake establishment in the world (IHOP) (grin) a had two OLD LADIES, the only patrons in the place at 3.0 in the afternoon, throw creamers at me to get my attention (my back was turned as I was preparing another gigantic urn of coffee) and I was WELL within earshot should they have said, "Miss..?" I turned to them, glared at them and in my most haughty nineteen year-old voice told them it was completely unacceptable to throw things at me. Dumb bithches! And as most of my teens years are a blur of beer drinking, quaalude taking and pot smoking, the fact that this incident is recalled is testiment to its hideousness.

Here endeth the lesson.

[Sundae]

When I finally get to come & see you, we'll go & throw creamers at the IHOP waitresses together.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

When I finally get to come & see you, we'll go & throw creamers at the IHOP waitresses together.

I'm holding you to that!

[Shawnee123]

I had a woman, a preacher's wife no less, throw a bag of limes at me because the sign said they were X dollars per pound and I charged her 15 cents apiece. Yes, we had changed the price. Yes we had forgotten to change the sign. The thing was, she was getting them CHEAPER at the new price. She didn't care, would rather throw stuff at the HS girl who was trying to explain they were on sale.

Early lessons of humanity, right there.

Her husband was really nice. My cow orker and I called HER Mint Julep because she wore the ugliest mint green church-bitch suit you ever saw!

[jinx]

Originally Posted by Brianna

When I was a wee lass and a waitress at the finest pancake establishment in the world (IHOP) (grin) a had two OLD LADIES, the only patrons in the place at 3.0 in the afternoon, throw creamers at me.

I worked at an overpriced restaurant/bar popular with the local yuppies throughout my teens. Rude patrons were severely punished for their transgressions, although they were no the wiser....

So, did they old ladies get a booger in their tea or what?

[Aliantha]

I don't understand why anyone would throw anything at a member of the wait staff. So rude.

If you really think the staff is that bad, at least be a grown up about it and ask to speak to the manager or something, but chucking stuff at them? Unbelievable.