Kid's sports - Revenge of the Coaches

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Good on ya mate! If I were near you I'd be dragging my kids to train with you, even if They couldn't get on the field. YOU DA MAN!

[lookout123]

This morning was the first game of this session. The roster had changed yet again since the final roster had been posted on Wednesday, and Monday, and the previous Wednesday. This time they removed a new girl who hadn't come to practice and added a new boy who didn't come to the game. That meant that we had 7 players, my 6 returning kids plus the new boy who had come to practice. That's ok, it takes 7 to field a team and we had 7 there. Who needs a sub, right?

The team we were playing was none other than the one coached by my new BFF, Mr KnuckleCrunching BallJuggler. This is the team that managed to steal C, one of my best players from last session. Of course, it is also the team that somehow managed to end up with 5 kids he used to coach at another club. Weird how that works, huh?

I was there early to get my kids' uniforms ready and was watching the game before ours. It sucked. Jumble ball to the max. I have not seen that poor of a showing in this age group at the club before. The director walked up to me and made a comment about how good it was to see that all the teams seemed to be evenly matched. The first game had been decided by one point, the second by 2, and the current one was tied at 2 apiece. I tried vainly to hold my retort in but, "Do you really think it is a good thing that we have at least six teams who are complete shit?" escaped my mouth. He wasn't amused. Fine, I didn't mean it to be amusing. Our club is generally known for decent quality without the jumble ball that is the stereotypical kids' soccer. I'm pretty concerned about what I saw today and how it will reflect on the club if it wasn't a one off fluke day.

Anyway, it was time for our game. The other team had bigger kids and more of them without a single girl on the team. I know a couple of the kids to be real players as they've been around awhile. I lined my kids up in a pretty neutral manner with my weakest goalie in the box, two decent defenders, the new boy and my wallflower girl as forwards, and Lil Lookout and B in the midfield so they could go forward if they could, but could also drop back and pick up the defensive pieces if we were being pushed around. The whistle blew and then so did the game. Jumble Ball. A complete and utter cluster fuck. My kids all looked confused when a tripping pushing yelling mass of orange shirts started moving all over the field as if they were all tied together at the waste. No structure, no positioning, no direction from the sideline. My kids were so flustered by what they saw that we gave up a point in the third minute. That snapped them back to life and they started to play.

The problem is that it is hard to play well when the opposition plays jumble ball. My kids had possession and LL and B took shot after shot only to watch it bounce off one of the 7 orange jerseys running around the goalbox. LL got frustrated and then bored before retreating back to the center circle where he just stood and watched the strange situation. Soon B did the same thing. So now I have a bored goalie, two bored defenders, two extremely bored and annoyed midfielders, and two forwards bouncing around like pinballs in a sea of orange. At one point the ball rolled out of the mess straight to LL. No one came out to pressure him. He was so bored with the whole thing he stood in the center circle and started juggling the ball in his awkward, just learning how way. When he popped it up and kicked the ball towards the goal he just shook his head in disbelief that he had held the ball for nearly 30 seconds without a single player coming near him. From that point on any time the ball came out, LL, B and the defenders would just pass it around for awhile before taking an outside shot just to put the ball back near their goal. B finally moved up and started shooting again and managed to put a couple points in.

At the half the other coach brought his best player out of the goal. He never should have been in there considering the kid was his best ball handler. Of course he put a kid in who had never played goal before but that only lasted about three seconds because he threw the ball at the new keeper to give him the ball... and it smacked the unprepared kid in the face. That keeper came out crying with a bloody nose and another went in. After that the game opened up a bit. It was still dodgy at best, but at least they spread out a bit more. LL was in the goal with a decent defense. B and the new kid, C, were up front. The new kid can't really shoot, pass, or dribble but he runs a lot. K was in the right place to score off a deflection. Then C did the same. The scoreline was 4-1 in our favor. LL came out of the goal but he and B just weren't shooting. I pulled B off the field and asked him what was going on (I know I'll get a straight answer from him rather than LL's hemming and hawing). It turns out that LL and B had overheard someone talking and were afraid that if they scored they'd break our team up and they wouldn't play together anymore. Who did they hear talking? The other coach, of course. Bullshit. I pulled both of the boys off the field and played short for a couple minutes while I talked to them. The other team scored two points but nobody seemed to mind much. I told both boys that I expect them to go out and play as hard as they could because this is a game. You come to play and you hope to win. I assured them that no matter what the scoreboard said they would still be playing together next week. I put them both back in and told them that as long as they each scored once with their left foot they could do anything they wanted. They were both all smiles when they went back out and for the first time, my kids started playing like the team I know they are. Not great individual players, but a good team. In the next ten minutes LL scored six points and B scored four. The other coach walked over and demanded to know what the hell I was doing. He is probably still trying to figure out how "blow me" answered that question. With 30 seconds left B played the most delightful 3/4 of the field, sliderule pass to LL and after LL tapped it in around the keeper the two of them ran back to the center circle and did a passable impression of the Samba. Cocky? Sure. Funny? Oh, yeah.

I gathered the kids and we did the usual cheer for the other team before shaking hands. The two teams shook hands and joked around with each other. The coach didn't say a word to any of my players before giving me a knuckle grinder handshake and staring me down while I smiled and told him, "don't worry man, it's hard when you have a bunch of kids you've never coached before". I'm still not sure if he realizes I know he brought some of these kids from another club and he had taken one of my best players.

C - my old player- was pretty upset after the game because he doesn't like being on the other team and he wants to come back. He cheered up a bit when I reminded him he was still going to play in a tournament I registered some of them for next weekend.

My dad had been sitting in the stands listening to other parents complain about stacked teams and making crappy comments about LL and B not belonging there. Whatever. They're still the two youngest on the team and would be playing kids 3-4 years older than them if I moved them up so the haters can bite it.

The sad thing is that no one seems to realize that the other team had more individual skill, they were bigger, and they had subs. Not a single one asked "what should our coach be doing differently?" because they were too busy believing the deck was stacked against them. Ah, the cult of victimhood and the joy it sucks from their lives.

The kids played well and had fun. What more can you ask for?

Until next time, keep the Samba going.

1-0-0

[xoxoxoBruce]

The US Olympic team needs you.