My 2 1/2 yearold is hitting!

[smoothmoniker]

She isn't learning that "hitting is something we never do to people", she's learning that hitting is something SHE can do to people without meaningful consequence.

Hitting is a power-play. It's the cause and effect that she is playing with. By hitting this person, I can get them to react, to cry, to run away, to scream out to mommy, I can get adults to react to me. That's a very powerful set of responses to a simple action.

There are two possibilities here, as I see it:

1) Your daughter is pre-rational in her ability to connect action with complex imposed consequence, so things like time-out and toys going away don't enter her decision-making process at the time of the incident.

2) Your daughter is able to rationally consider the imposed consequence in her decision-making, and likes the power she has over other children through hitting enough that she is willing to put up with the consequence.

A judicious use of spanking would work for either case!

[Stormieweather]

"I can hit YOU, but you can't hit ANYONE". Makes perfect sense.

Hitting is a power-play. It's the cause and effect that we are playing with. By hitting this person, I can get them to react, to obey, to pay attention, to scream out to anyone who will listen. I can get children to react to me. That's a very powerful set of responses to a judicious action.