Domestic Violence is...

Aliantha · 05-19-2007, 04:54 AM

Support is a great thing, and I'll bet a million to one that it means the world to her. It's still important that you keep on telling her that no matter what happens she'll have your support. I still urge you to make a complaint to the police anyway, even if she doesn't back it up. This will help her if she ever does decide to make a formal complaint and will also help if he ever does enough to put her in hospital and she's unable to speak for herself.

lizzymahoney · 05-19-2007, 06:49 PM

Keep telling her you are available, that you will help, that she doesn't need to tolerate this. You may think you've said it enough, but she's on a loop where she's hidden it for a while. She needs the repetition.

Don't judge her, don't inflame the batterer. Just be there for her and offer what help you can. If you can, offer an ear to just listen to her.

One of the hard things is to recognize that we don't have to understand what she's going through. In fact, you'll probably never know all the sordid detail even if you're her twin or her child or her parent.

Stormieweather · 05-26-2007, 12:01 AM

Having been raised in a violent home and then managed to get myself into not one, but two, abusive marriages, I can tell you that not all of the dysfunction is on the part of the abuser. All too often, the victim has little or no self-esteem and a warped idea that this is life and love. We tend to believe the abusers anger is our fault, that if we were more of this and less of that and just tried harder...we could make them happy and then they wouldn't hurt us anymore.

It takes a lot of boot-strapping, support, and inner change to realize that no, we do NOT deserve to be treated in such a way and yes, we DO have the strength and power to walk away from our abuser.

I volunteer at the local women's shelter, I am an admin for a large online abuse support site, I loan out my many books on abuse, and I offer my shoulder and affirmation to anyone I see who appears to be in trouble or need it. I speak up whenever I read about this subject, such as on this thread. And lastly, I will never be allow abuse to be a part of my life again. I hope to break the cycle with my own children by living a happy, healthy life.

Stormie

05-19-2007, 04:54 AM	#1
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Support is a great thing, and I'll bet a million to one that it means the world to her. It's still important that you keep on telling her that no matter what happens she'll have your support. I still urge you to make a complaint to the police anyway, even if she doesn't back it up. This will help her if she ever does decide to make a formal complaint and will also help if he ever does enough to put her in hospital and she's unable to speak for herself. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-26-2007, 12:01 AM	#3
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	Having been raised in a violent home and then managed to get myself into not one, but two, abusive marriages, I can tell you that not all of the dysfunction is on the part of the abuser. All too often, the victim has little or no self-esteem and a warped idea that this is life and love. We tend to believe the abusers anger is our fault, that if we were more of this and less of that and just tried harder...we could make them happy and then they wouldn't hurt us anymore. It takes a lot of boot-strapping, support, and inner change to realize that no, we do NOT deserve to be treated in such a way and yes, we DO have the strength and power to walk away from our abuser. I volunteer at the local women's shelter, I am an admin for a large online abuse support site, I loan out my many books on abuse, and I offer my shoulder and affirmation to anyone I see who appears to be in trouble or need it. I speak up whenever I read about this subject, such as on this thread. And lastly, I will never be allow abuse to be a part of my life again. I hope to break the cycle with my own children by living a happy, healthy life. Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

05-19-2007, 06:49 PM	#2
lizzymahoney Major Inhabitant Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 124	Keep telling her you are available, that you will help, that she doesn't need to tolerate this. You may think you've said it enough, but she's on a loop where she's hidden it for a while. She needs the repetition. Don't judge her, don't inflame the batterer. Just be there for her and offer what help you can. If you can, offer an ear to just listen to her. One of the hard things is to recognize that we don't have to understand what she's going through. In fact, you'll probably never know all the sordid detail even if you're her twin or her child or her parent.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)