English

[xoxoxoBruce]

•Psycho-babble is essentially Minbari spoken by seekers of tax-funded grants, power-hungry psycho-totalitarians, counsellors or other unemployables while wearing a too-tight tiara. --laser
•Galach is essentially Anglo-Slavic run through Grimm's Law and baked on the desert of Arrakis until well-dune. --laser
•Governmentese is essentially a branch of spoken and written English designed to say nothing with as many words as possible hoping that the nothing is lost in the translation. --laser
•Old English is essentially mispronounced Modern English spoken while wearing armor and carrying a roundshield and sword. --Dan Seriff
•Middele English is essencially Moderne Lowe Duchish with a heevy Scottisshe broog yspoken and with ful many fetise Frensshe loon-wordes that been ful quayntly and straungely ywritten. --Amittai Aviram
•New York City Syrian Jewish English is essentially Arabic curses and bad Ebonics spoken with a Brooklyn accent. --Steg Belsky
•Yeshivish is essentially English spoken by people who think they're speaking Yiddish. --Steg Belsky
•1337Speak is essentially what happens when an AOLer's keyboard breaks. --Andy Fox
•American English essentially is not English and is not American either. --Ivan C. Amaya
•Southern US English is essentially Irish English spoken through moonshine and whiskey instead of stout and ale. --Andrew Johnson
•New York English is essentially New England English with a bagel in one's throat and being mugged. --Andrew Johnson
•Liverpool English is Irish English spoken by Irishmen and Welshmen trying to bash England. --Andrew Johnson
•Birmingham English is what the world would sound like if they also snorted coke laced with ants and drank gasoline every night for 30 years like Ozzy Osbourne. --Andrew Johnson
•Midwestern US English is essentially New England English with their sinuses filled with ice. --Andrew Johnson
•American English is essentially the language that everyone understands if you speak it loudly and slowly enough. --Michael Alexander (via Daniel E. Huston)
•Broken English is the language of international trade. --John Naisbitt (via Daniel E. Huston)
•Ebonics be Shakespeare playin' da urbon Oak-lan' (Calie-forn-ah) bluz, homie. --Hanuman Zhang
•American is essentially achieved by simplifying and complexifying English at once. --Greg Johnston
•Shetlandic is essentially English taught by Lowlanders to Norwegians. --Alexander Ellis
•Newyorkese is English with a Dutch accent and a grudge. --Javier Candeira
•American English is essentially an Irish tongue in a Dutch mouth. --John Cowan
•New Zealand English is essentially the English somebody forgot to take it out of their back pocket before putting their jeans through the laundry. --Hamish Ritchie
•Lancashire is essentially English spoken properly. --Liv Bliss
•Ebonics is basically Manding-Congo/Manding Cushi African languages with English words, ancient Egyptian parents and polyrhythmic presentation. --Paul Barton
•Gullah-Geechee is basically the remnants of the ancient Egyptian syntax found in Kru, Manding and Serer brought by the Africans to the Sea Islands/Georgia region and spoken with 'chopped' English words to replace the lost African ones. --Paul Barton
•Jamaican/Caribbean English is basically a combination of Yoruba, Tiv, Manding, Kongo placed in a saladbowl, mixed and fused and spoken with English words with a juju music, reggae and calypso rhythm. --Paul Barton
•Southern 'white' English is basically the Ebonics English created by Blacks and used by former speakers of Gaelic, Welsh, English jailbird descent, French Huguenot descent and other 'poor white' ancestry Southerners who worked on Southern plantations as 'indentured laborers' alongside African slaves. --Paul Barton
•Indian English is essentially late Victorian bureaucratese as spoken by Peter Sellers. --Tommy Tyrberg
•If you wake a Britisher up at five in the morning, he'll sound like a human being. --Brian
•American is essentially British with decent cooking. --libcat
•American English is essentially what the English would be speaking had they kept up their English lessons. --Alan Kellogg
•San Diegan is essentially Iowan as spoken by people living in a geographically interesting location. --Alan Kellogg
•Surfer Speak is essentially Iowan as spoken by people who are perpetually stoned. --Alan Kellogg
•American grammar is essentially not essential --Ivan C. Amaya
•American is essentially nothing to write home about. --Ivan C. Amaya
•American English is essentially the "haiku" version of British English minus the class. --Ivan C. Amaya
•Geordies are essentially Scots speaking English with a Norwegian accent. --Daniel Carrera
•Canadian English is essentially Mid-West American English with a lot of eh's. --contrariandoer
•Essentially, Texan is fake Spanish endings tacked onto every other word, with occasional bursts of enough German to confuse people. --Bob Thornton