Kids and the Internet

[duck_duck]

You are that much trouble for mom and dad? :p

[Ibby]

No, I'm just that abrasive of a person - I don't shut up. Ever. Seriously, I talk way too much.

[bluecuracao]

Oh c'mon Ibram--your parents adore you, admit it.

[duck_duck]

I think my parents would have disowned me if I said more than 10 words a day to them.

[bluecuracao]

So, you never tried it?

[duck_duck]

Originally Posted by bluecuracao

So, you never tried it?

I always chicken out at nine words

[bluecuracao]

LOL, then you're a duck ducken.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by monster

I think you need to clarify your questions to make a proper either/or scenario. So, do you want to ask

a) Do parents have the right to control internet access int heir house or do kids have a right to unsupervised internet access?

or

b) should parents spy on their children's internet actiivities or should they allow their children free range?

or both?

a) 1. Yes. 2. No
b) 1. Yes. 2. No

Kids have no rights until they adults. Other than a safe home and loving caring parents who provide them food and shelter. Other than that, if you are less than 18 years old in the United States, you have no "Rights" other than those directy afforded to you by the law and even than, most of those are trumped by parental control. Everything else is a privilege.

[Ibby]

Yes, but you still have yet to address the point.

The question is not can you; the question is SHOULD you, and why?

You have still not answered that.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Yes, but you still have yet to address the point.

The question is not can you; the question is SHOULD you, and why?

You have still not answered that.

Ok, let's start over....

Yes I should because I should and have the right to know everything that is going on in my house and with my kids. I have a right to know if they are smoking pot, doing things that are putting them at risk for life altering events, be it either sex, drugs, drinking, etc. I have the right to take steps to intervene in those potential behaviors and do what I can to stop it or at least mediate it. The advent of the internet is the first medium where parents can lose complete control and supervision of their kids and all they are doing. Kids and teens have no rights, other than what I previously stated. Once 18, they have all the rights and responsiblities associated with adulthood. Hence they also will suffer the consequences of all behaviors.

[Ibby]

Why are you still talking about this in terms of rights?

I dont give a fuck about rights, the point is not about rights. It's about decent courses of action, and why.

My position has been stated so many times that I'm sure I dont need to say it again. Yours is still "I do it because I can".

Please actually give some kind of justification, some kind of logical explanation for monitoring your poor kids like someone out of an Orwell novel.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Why are you still talking about this in terms of rights?

I dont give a fuck about rights, the point is not about rights. It's about decent courses of action, and why.

My position has been stated so many times that I'm sure I dont need to say it again. Yours is still "I do it because I can".

Please actually give some kind of justification, some kind of logical explanation for monitoring your poor kids like someone out of an Orwell novel.

You argue like my 16 year old kids did, circular. It is about safety and helping them stay out of trouble. I know you don't "give a fuck about rights". No teens "give a fuck" because they think they have some, they don't. The decent course of action for all parenting is trying to do what is the right thing to keep your kids safe and out of harms way. All teens do things which place them at great risk. Those are the things I want to attempt to mediate when those events arise. That is the justification. My kids are not poor. Don't make assumptions about them.

[Ibby]

So what youre saying is that your strategy of spying then intervening is superior to my argument that a parent should teach their child well and then trust their judgment?

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Ibram

So what youre saying is that your strategy of spying then intervening is superior to my argument that a parent should teach their child well and then trust their judgment?

Something you don't realize is that the best of your intentions as a parent will never lead to them using their judgement in the best way.

The assumption you have made is that teaching your child "well", whatever that is, is going to lead to them always making the right choices and using their best judgment. Ask every parent on here what "teaching your child 'well' is and you will get a different answer from each one. Ask any parent who has lost a child to a sexual predator, a teen pregnancy, a teen with HIV/AIDS, a child with a drug or alcohol habit, the one who died in a car accident or killed a friend, the child who committed suicide, ask them each if they thought that they were doing everything the best way they could and teaching them well enough to prevent all those acts, I would bet most would say they had.

[Stormieweather]

Personally, I think the level of monitoring should depend on the age as well as the level of responsibility the child demonstrates in other areas. You can teach them, but have that proved that they've learned those lessons?

For example, my S18 (nearly 19) has had unsupervised use of the internet for 3 years now. But he is exceptionally responsible in that he doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, break curfew or otherwise disrespect me. The only issue we've had with his internet usage is downloading viruses along with his game mods. We finally put him on a separate router and installed a ferocious firewall to protect the other PC's in the house. If he destroys his PC, that's his problem.

On the other hand, my D11 is far from responsible enough to surf or play online unsupervised. She clicks on everything (popups, etc.), has no idea what porn or unsafe sites are and thinks everyone is nice and wants to be her "friend" . She is not allowed to visit MySpace or anything other than Disney, some Science sites, Wikipedia, and the TLC site. Someone is always looking over her shoulder while she's online.

By the way, I recently had a little talk with the miss and explained that this was MY house, as was everything in it. She does NOT have the 'right' to watch her TV when she likes, skip her chores, lock her bedroom door to keep me from bugging her about her homework (that lost her a doorknob), or play her Nintendo DS when grounded just because it is 'hers'. I have zero responsiblity to provide her with Nike shoes, take her skating, let her friends come over whenever she wants, or buy coca cola and doughnuts for her. Nope. Those are priviledges that she has to EARN by doing what I require of her...namely: good grades, respectful attitude, and doing as she is told, ie: her chores. She was pretty shocked, I think.

Good.

Stormie