Putting Out the Lights

I'm sorry if that seemed directed toward any of you, it was not.
It has been a difficult few weeks.
You are very kind and I truly appreciate it. I am one of the luckiest people I know and do not deserve the blessings I have in this life... I do try to, I do, this is part of it. How hard it is for me makes me feel like I do not deserve them all the more.
Another aspect of this is that part of me feels that it is a kind of slow torture, their watching me die like this... as sick voice in the back tells me that it would be a mercy to end it for them as well.

[Elspode]

No way. You are a lucid, caring, vital individual, suffering something that must be nearly unthinkable to the rest of us, yet you still make your family the first and foremost concern in your mind.

There's perfectly healthy swinging dicks walking around every day who can't muster up so much as a spare thought for anyone besides themselves. Now you tell me, how's a family going to want to do without a man like you in the name of convenience and denial?

I seriously doubt whether or not you married a woman who is capable of thinking that way, nor raised a son who wishes daddy would just go away...under any circumstances.