01/02/03: Being uncomfortable in a new city

[Undertoad]

I didn't say anything at first but I feel exactly the same way. After my business failed, I moved everything back to my house and now I work out of my house. This means I may go for an entire week without seeing another human being.

I thought I was becoming isolated when I was programming for a living. I'd go to work and just be in my cube all day. Now, that seems extremely social. Wow, I'd greet everyone in the morning, and eat lunch with them, and have little conversations all the time. I was worried because I'd not talk to anyone for hours at a time; now it's days.

I can deal with this, because I grew up as an only child without a father, and solitude is a familiar and friendly lifestyle. But it does mean that once I have to be social, I always wonder whether I can pull it off. (Am I eccentric? Am I an asshole? Do I appear to have some sort of problem? I don't think so, but I can't tell.)

This in turn has led to social anxiety in more cases than I would have liked. Medication (which I take for anxiety disorder) solves this completely, but I still have the learned behavior that social settings are going to be a problem... which means that they are.