Eulogy Help

[monster]

I know y'all don't know me very well, but I respect your opinions and I need some help (particularly form the Brits, but all contributions appeciated).

My paternal Grandma died yesterday. It was relatively sudden, but in a way that was a blessing -she was 96 and in an old folks home and not particularly enjoying life anymore.

I've been informed that there will be just one floral tribute from "the whole family" -which is fine but... leaves my only option to participate -as an expat who won't be able to attend the funeral- as a written contribution. I've never done this before. It will be a church thing. I am an atheist. I have no wish to offend. So I'd appreciate opinions as to whether what I've written is appropriate to be read at a Church of England funeral or not.

thanks

here it is:

Florence May Thingumajig -better known to me as Grandma.

I’m sorry I cannot be there today as the family gets together to celebrate Flo’s life and to say goodbye.

When I left England, I took a little piece of each of you with me. You are all always with me. Grandma will always be with me, no matter where I am. I hear her in Hebe’s happy chatter, I see her in Hector’s twinkling blue eyes, and Thor’s mischievous giggle is as traceable as a fingerprint. (Not to mention that he chatters more than Hebe!)

I think of Grandma every time we make apple pie –of how we used to insist that it was no longer a good idea for her to climb those steps to pick her own apples, so she just did it as soon as we left (Thor thanks you for this trait, Great-Grandma).

I think of Grandma as I teach Hebe to play cards. We haven’t got to Bridge yet, but there’s no doubt that it will be as natural to Hebe as it was to Flo.

I think of Grandma when my children win swimming trophies –she never really got to know my children well, but I remember the immense pleasure she found in all the sporting and academic achievements of all her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and I know she’d be smiling if she’d been there.

I remember the unusual cache of toys she had when we visited –in the metal tin with the raised picture that we used to like to do “brass rubbings” with. Hector would have loved that -and the pool balls. (He and Thor would probably have fought over the purse –Hebe is much too sporty and grown-up for such things!)

I think of Grandma as I juggle all of my children’s activities, timetabling them with military precision and arranging carpools, making sure they get to where they want to be, somehow. Grandma never drove and had a huge circle of friends and still seemed to manage to be everywhere she wanted to be. Thanks, Grandma.

I will miss Grandma very much, but I already missed her as I miss all of you. Every now and then, I see an element of each of you in my children and I remember you. And it is in this way I will remember Grandma –still very much part of my present and a source of great happiness and fun.

[yesman065]

I think thats awesome! Sorry for your loss. my condolences to you and your family.

[SteveDallas]

My condolences--don't worry, what you've written is wonderful.

[richlevy]

Sorry for your loss. What you have written is great.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Sounds good Monster. I would, however, make one change on the third line. "You are all always with me.", I would remove the "all" or "always" because even reading it a couple times, it's a tongue twister and I'm assuming someone will be reading this at the service. The sentence remains virtually the same without one or the other.

I think it's a tasteful, respectful, farewell to what sounds like a great lady.

[monster]

Thanks, all, and particularly Bruce -I never considered the ease of oration.

[Clodfobble]

It could be rearranged to "All of you are always with me."

[monster]

yup, that works, thanks

[Crimson Ghost]

My condolences.

Unfortunately, due to some of the organizations I belong to, I hear quite a few eulogies. Yours is fine. "All of you are always with me" does make it easier to say.

[monster]

Thank you all.

When you make the decision to move thousands of miles from your home and family, what will happen if/when a family member dies is one of the most prominent thoughts.

That thought helped me realise that you need to appreciate people for who they are right now, because tomorrow they may not be there for you to appreciate. So I did, and I mentally said goodbye to Grandma last time I saw her (4 years ago). Even then, she wasn't the grandma I carry with me in my memories. The one who hated to dust (so never did) ((like me)) but thought a new coat of paint /varnish solved everything so every surface was a poem in Braille -dust encapsulated by the latest coat.

[Beestie]

I hope you don't mind but merely as a gesture of support during your hour of grief, I took the liberty of interpreting your eulogy thusly:

To most of the lives she touched, she was Florence May Thingumajig but she'll always be "Grandma" to me.

While I cannot be with you to celebrate her life and say goodbye to her, I treasure and will forever keep the love she gave to me and to her grandchildren.

But no matter where I am, Grandma will always be with me just as each of you will always be with me. I can still hear Grandma in Hebe’s happy chatter and in Thor’s mischievous giggle. And I can still see Grandma in the twinkle of Hector’s sparkling blue eyes.

I think of Grandma every time we make apple pie. How we insisted that she no longer climb those steps to pick her own apples and how she waited until we left to climb them once more (Thor thanks you for this trait, Great-Grandma).

I think of Grandma as I teach Hebe to play cards. And even though we haven’t gotten to Bridge yet, I have no doubt that it will come as naturally to Hebe as it did to her.

Whenever my children win swimming trophies, I think of Grandma and wish she were here to see it. I fondly remember the joy she found in all the sporting and academic achievements of all her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I could see her smile as clearly as if she were here.

I remember the lovely collection of toys she kept for the children in the metal tin with the raised picture that we used to do brass rubbings with. Hector would have loved that -and the pool balls. (He and Thor would probably have fought over the purse but Hebe is much too grown-up for such things!)

And as I toil with coordinating my children’s activities with a fleet of carpools to get everyone everywhere they need to be, I remember that while she never drove, Grandma, with a little help from her friends, always managed to be everywhere she wanted to be. Thanks, Grandma.

I miss Grandma very much as I miss all of you.

From my children, I am blessed with moments when through a joyful laugh, an innocent smile or a simple act of love each of you shines through them and for a spontaneous instant, we are together. I have come to treasure those moments and it is through them that I remember you. And it is in this way I that remember Grandma and it is how she continues to be an inseperable source of fun, happiness and, most of all, the love that only Grandma could give.

My condolences.

[Sundae]

Monster - I won't add to comments on the eulogy as I like the suggestions already made and think it's a beautiful tribute as it is.

As for suitability for being read out at a C of E service, it's perfect. It's not dissimilar in tone to the one my Uncle sent from Australia when my Grandmother died. I was charged with reading that, so it sticks in my mind. Although ours was a Catholic service I can't imagine the atmosphere being any different.

Bearing in mind many non-churchgoers attend, I don't think eulogies need to have any religious content these days - certainly at my (other) Uncle's funeral a friend stood up and rambled on about my Uncle's love of darts & beer!

Sorry for your loss btw.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I most whole heartedly agree with Sundae. Let the clergy handle the religious part and the lay people, including relatives, speak about the life, love and personal connections that made this person special.

[DanaC]

Monster, my condolences. I think what you have written is beautiful. It obviously comes straight from the heart and is moving without being sentimental. Your Gran sounds like she was huge character.

[Elspode]

Expressions from the heart are always the best. What you have written is moving, honest and touching. Condolences to you. Grandma had a long, and I am sure, wonderful life.