Blind date from hell? - Page 2

footfootfoot · 12-12-2006, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninja

we'll get you use to it

Right there is where the alarm bells became ear splitting.

That sounds like "forced bonding" you don't really have any say in the decision to be "we".

There is a very interesting book which I read several years ago called "The gift of fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Here's a link to an excerpt of his book.

I'd stay away from that guy and anyone else your mom sets you up with.

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4555.html

yesman065 · 12-13-2006, 07:35 AM

foot3 nailed it! Thats where I knew things were going very, very wrong.
Hope he stays away and find your own guy in your own way.

Stormieweather · 12-13-2006, 09:04 AM

Excellent book footfootfoot. I often recommend it to posters at the abuse board I moderate.

One thing everyone really needs to do is to listen to their gut. Don't minimize the feelings you have about a situation. Honor them and make decisions accordingly because that is your intuition and instincts talking to you. Our emotional baggage and family of origin teachings often cause us to ignore or discount the red flags that our gut is trying to warn us about. Most abusers/dysfunctional individuals ignore our boundaries which indicates a lack of respect for us.

If the guy makes you uncomfortable then he is wrong for you. Period.

Red flags I see:

Calling to say goodnight - too fast, rushing into intimacy.
Comment about taking care of you - you're an invalid? incapable of taking care of yourself? Patronizing remark.
Forced holding hands - lack of respect for your wishes, telling you what you'll get used to (controlling)
Staring - impolite, caused uncomfortable feeling, intimidation
Another hand holding incident - ignored prior statement, intent on his own desires, lack of respect for yours
Hug after disengage - refusal to honor wishes, once again intent on getting his own needs met, disregard for your signals
Yet another hug with wandering hands - there is simply no excuse...he's crossing boundaries right and left, showing absolutely no regard for you as a person, ignoring good taste, not to mention basically assaulting you by not honoring your space.

Don't doubt your instincts or invalidate your feelings by wondering if you're a cold, heartless bitch. He's got issues that are showing up on the first date, don't stick around to find out how bad they will get if he starts feeling 'involved' with you.

Stormie

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I think KV should have a serious chat with her mother if he really was that creepy.

Yeah. I did tell my mom that. I called her afterward and was like “what in the crap is wrong with you?!? Why would you do that to me? Why would you set me up with some creepy guy? Why? Especially after what happened to me when I was a kid. Why would do that to me? Don’t you know that weird guys like that REALLY creep me out? You don’t understand how that could happen?" After I calmed down she said she was sorry. She had no idea he was like that, she just thought he was a really nice guy. My mom is very naïve. If I didn’t know that before, I definitely know that now…and I don’t think she would ever try and set me up again.

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Right there is where the alarm bells became ear splitting.

That sounds like "forced bonding" you don't really have any say in the decision to be "we".

There is a very interesting book which I read several years ago called "The gift of fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Here's a link to an excerpt of his book.

I'd stay away from that guy and anyone else your mom sets you up with.

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4555.html

Wow! 3Foot thank you for that. I'm gonna make an investment in that book for my library, and make sure everyone I know knows about it.

LabRat · 12-13-2006, 11:04 AM

I just got done reading your link, F3. Excellent. There was a prof that worked in the lab next to ours when I was a grad student. He gave me the creeps. He never specifically did or said anything inappropriate to me, but I just didn't like him. Every female I talked to felt the same way about him! I don't know of anything that ever happened, but it was wierd that he creeped us all out.

sully58 · 12-13-2006, 05:16 PM

Since I know you...all I can say is.....

"Let's get it on....."

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 05:18 PM

Yeah well...did you just call me a bitch?

I don't even know what to say to you.

You guys should see her. She's laughing so hard she's falling all over the place.

She thinks she's funny.

Spexxvet · 12-13-2006, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KinkyVixen

Yeah well...did you just call me a bitch?

I don't even know what to say to you.

You guys should see her. She's laughing so hard she's falling all over the place.

She thinks she's funny.

And she wants to get it on with you? Video, please.

sully58 · 12-13-2006, 05:29 PM

HAHAHAHA You KNOW you love me. So I can say whatever I want

BITCH!

Maybe if his

swims fast enough, you can catch up with me and Shay!!!

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

And she wants to get it on with you? Video, please.

I know Spex huh? She wants me! She knows it.

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully58

HAHAHAHA You KNOW you love me. So I can say whatever I want

BITCH!

Maybe if his

swims fast enough, you can catch up with me and Shay!!!

LMAO..I didn't realize your last name was Jones. I aint tryin' to keep up with noboy.

Thanks tho. I hate you.

sully58 · 12-13-2006, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KinkyVixen

I know Spex huh? She wants me! She knows it.

BABY OH BABY!!!!!

Can I get some action please???? Matthew isn't givin it really. Gettin a little deprived over here!

KinkyVixen · 12-13-2006, 05:36 PM

Oh well you know you can always get it from me. You just have to ask in the right way. So you work on that, and get back to me. Ok?

xoxoxoBruce · 12-13-2006, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KinkyVixen

....... sighed a huge sigh of relief and called a friend to talk.

Of course.

Quote:

What I’m wondering is, was the guy creepy or is UW a cold heartless bitch?

Maybe it was his first post-divorce date, or learned to be suave from porn flicks or likely, just clueless. But, it really doesn't matter, if you don't click, you don't click. End of story.

In fairness to your Mom, he probably didn't view her as a prospective mate and probably was, really nice to her.

We get caught up in our fantasies sometimes, especially if there is a period of time between making the date and actually going. Too much time to worry, overthink, worry more and actually rehearse our lines. Once the lines, that sounded so good at home, have been rehearsed, we gotta use 'em. The more things look like they're going into the crapper, the less spontaneous we can be and have to use the lines.

Blind dates, if not avoided completely, should be limited to ball games, casinos and such, where there is plenty of entertainment. That way there can be as much or little conversation as desired, and distraction so you're not forced to stare at each other during those dreaded lulls.

12-13-2006, 09:04 AM	#18
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	Excellent book footfootfoot. I often recommend it to posters at the abuse board I moderate. One thing everyone really needs to do is to listen to their gut. Don't minimize the feelings you have about a situation. Honor them and make decisions accordingly because that is your intuition and instincts talking to you. Our emotional baggage and family of origin teachings often cause us to ignore or discount the red flags that our gut is trying to warn us about. Most abusers/dysfunctional individuals ignore our boundaries which indicates a lack of respect for us. If the guy makes you uncomfortable then he is wrong for you. Period. Red flags I see: Calling to say goodnight - too fast, rushing into intimacy. Comment about taking care of you - you're an invalid? incapable of taking care of yourself? Patronizing remark. Forced holding hands - lack of respect for your wishes, telling you what you'll get used to (controlling) Staring - impolite, caused uncomfortable feeling, intimidation Another hand holding incident - ignored prior statement, intent on his own desires, lack of respect for yours Hug after disengage - refusal to honor wishes, once again intent on getting his own needs met, disregard for your signals Yet another hug with wandering hands - there is simply no excuse...he's crossing boundaries right and left, showing absolutely no regard for you as a person, ignoring good taste, not to mention basically assaulting you by not honoring your space. Don't doubt your instincts or invalidate your feelings by wondering if you're a cold, heartless bitch. He's got issues that are showing up on the first date, don't stick around to find out how bad they will get if he starts feeling 'involved' with you. Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

12-13-2006, 11:04 AM	#21
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	I just got done reading your link, F3. Excellent. There was a prof that worked in the lab next to ours when I was a grad student. He gave me the creeps. He never specifically did or said anything inappropriate to me, but I just didn't like him. Every female I talked to felt the same way about him! I don't know of anything that ever happened, but it was wierd that he creeped us all out. __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

12-13-2006, 05:16 PM	#22
sully58 Disorderly Disciplinarian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 21	Since I know you...all I can say is..... "Let's get it on....." __________________ When God closes a door, he always opens a window!

12-13-2006, 05:18 PM	#23
KinkyVixen Marching In! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 580	Yeah well...did you just call me a bitch? I don't even know what to say to you. You guys should see her. She's laughing so hard she's falling all over the place. She thinks she's funny. __________________ "Smile before bed.You'll sleep better."

12-13-2006, 05:29 PM	#25
sully58 Disorderly Disciplinarian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 21	HAHAHAHA You KNOW you love me. So I can say whatever I want BITCH! Maybe if his swims fast enough, you can catch up with me and Shay!!! __________________ When God closes a door, he always opens a window!

12-13-2006, 07:35 AM	#17
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	foot3 nailed it! Thats where I knew things were going very, very wrong. Hope he stays away and find your own guy in your own way.

12-13-2006, 05:36 PM	#29
KinkyVixen Marching In! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 580	Oh well you know you can always get it from me. You just have to ask in the right way. So you work on that, and get back to me. Ok? __________________ "Smile before bed.You'll sleep better."

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