The one who loves less is in control of the relationship

[Stormieweather]

I believe that there is a seesaw of power in relationships. Healthy ones tilt regularly to give each party reasonable time in the up (powerful) position. A relationship where one party is always in the down position is a dysfunctional one because their needs are not being met. With some people the power changes occur often, and with others it is less frequent. But as long as it equals out in the long run, you're doing ok.

Control should not be a motivating factor in healthy relationships. The truth is, you cannot control another person. You can manipulate, bully, coerce, threaten, disprespect, humiliate and hurt someone in an attempt to control them, but such actions are abusive and will backfire eventually.

Detachment is a survival technique. It helps insulate the emotionally fragile from further pain. It isolates them from feeling things they don't understand or can't tolerate. If you believe that being numb is a sort of 'power', then detachment gives you 'power' (over your feelings, not over someone else). Numb is such a waste of life, however. Better to get the pain out in the open and deal with it than bury it under layers of protection such as detachment and anger.

Stormie