Need some help

[Trilby]

Well, you only asked if you should tell him NOW how hurtful his comment was or wait till he's out of jail. I'll tell you this--if you decide to tell him now he will unleash on you and blame you for everything that ever went wrong in his life and call you nasty names and say how you don't understand him, etc., etc. If you wait, he'll unleash on you and blame you for everything that ever went wrong in his life and call you nasty names...see the similarity? Just kind of a gut feeling I get about him.

PS-if you're on house arrest for a DUI (surely not his first DUI?) don't they let you out to work?

I don't mean to come across all saintly--I had a DUI. I'll NEVER do that again, either. The speech by the MADD women shredded my heart and I vowed NEVER to do that stupid thing again.

[bbro]

Originally Posted by Brianna

PS-if you're on house arrest for a DUI (surely not his first DUI?) don't they let you out to work?

Yes, they do, but he had just lost his job and was trying to find another one. No one will hire you with an ankle bracelet.

I'll tell you this--if you decide to tell him now he will unleash on you and blame you for everything that ever went wrong in his life and call you nasty names and say how you don't understand him, etc., etc. If you wait, he'll unleash on you and blame you for everything that ever went wrong in his life and call you nasty names...see the similarity? Just kind of a gut feeling I get about him.

I really don't see him doing that. He has never blamed me for anything that has gone wrong. If he did, I wouldn't still be with him. I may not like confrontations, but I have been learning (albeit slowly) to stick up for myself.

*Just a note, I will be back tomorrow to read other posts. I get off now and don't have internet at home

[xoxoxoBruce]

Remember, if he wasn't thinking about you that day it's because you didn't make the list of his problems, he was preoccupied with.

Tell him he hurt your feelings if it will make you feel better and you can do it in a matter of fact way without being dramatic.

[bbro]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Remember, if he wasn't thinking about you that day it's because you didn't make the list of his problems, he was preoccupied with.

Thanks Bruce, I didn't think of it like that

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Tell him he hurt your feelings if it will make you feel better and you can do it in a matter of fact way without being dramatic.

Actually, I decided to go ahead and just do it. He didn't know that he did anything and apologized. He says that he does think about me and I said that's not what you said last night. He says he does think about it. I said that I understand I am not at the top of his list (obviously, his son is), but he doesn't need to throw it in my face. He said that he wasn't throwing it in my face, those are the things that he needs to get him through.

I was so proud of myself, I didn't cry (even though I felt like it), I didn't do anything extreme, we discussed it like adult human beings.

Thank you guys for not telling me just to dump him. I know another board that would have told me to dump him no matter what.

[Elspode]

I wouldn't say you should dump him, but he definitely needs to examine himself. I've found that people who aren't carrying a boatload of baggage and acting out some sort of problems within themselves seldom end up in jail. I know a lot of people who have gotten DUI's and still didn't go to jail.

Whoever was supervising your boyfriend's house arrest, in all likelihood, did *not* put him in slam due to being behind on his bracelet payments. He was more likely put there for shock value, because the supervising official didn't like the trend he was seeing (no job, etc), and he wanted to shake up the equation.

I guess what I'm saying is this: Are you looking beyond the jail occurance to try and understand what lies beneath? Are you making sure that all of this turmoil is completely anomalous, rather than the natural outcome of decisions and actions your boyfriend has made up to this point?

I won't say leave him, but I will definitely say that you need to be objectively aware of what it is that put him in the position he is in to begin with.