A very long post about something that's getting me down

[Sundae]

Dana, so sorry to hear that you are in this position. I agree that your relationship with your Dad would never recover from you removing his rubbish crutch by force. If he was simply overwhelmed by housekeeping he'd love you for springcleaning, but finding things in the street and taking them home is obviously a different ballgame.

Is there any chance your Dad would agree to see someone to talk about it? Or would even suggesting that be a black mark against you? My Mum came round to the idea of talking therapy in her late 50s, after seeing it as the merit badge of self-indulgent neurotics for years (an attitude she passed on to me, which I've fought to overcome). Although even writing this I appreciate the intensely private man you've described is unlikely to agree to this.

Could you focus the force of your persuasion on getting his water fixed? As you say, you can't dictate how he lives his life but if you can convince him of the importance of running water it would be a start.

That is all practical stuff (which I'm sure you thought of anyway!) as there's not much I can think to say about the emotional side. It must be very hard to see someone you love and care about in a situation where they won't let you help. Perhaps the reason you are thinking about the divorce is because you felt helpless then, seeing his pain and you feel helpless now?

Try not to take your Mum's suffering on your shoulders too. And many good thoughts to you.