Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce.

[Trilby]

the thing with BPD though is that people usually don't become BPD overnight, or, even over a few years. It's a personality disorder which stems from family of origin issues (and maybe a little genetics) and doesn't just happen when someone is in their thirties. It manifests in the early years. I don't think it's BPD. My two cents.

Originally Posted by Brianna

the thing with BPD though is that people usually don't become BPD overnight, or, even over a few years. It's a personality disorder which stems from family of origin issues (and maybe a little genetics) and doesn't just happen when someone is in their thirties. It manifests in the early years. I don't think it's BPD. My two cents.

Bri, yeah! You're a professional, too! How could I have forgotten? Never mind, don't answer that! Yes, from everything I've been able to learn on the subject, PD's are pretty much an on-going problem. Isn't it true, though, that symptoms can worsen if the person is under stress of some sort, or going through a life change of one type or another? Or am I confused on that point? Anyhow, that's why I asked if Lookout had noticed these things in general before the current spate of difficulties with the Mrs. If these symptoms just popped up last month, its my understanding, too, that they would probably be less likely about a PD and more about some other problem instead.


PS Get outta that bell jar, girl! There's no air in those damn things! Read Mary Oliver, I'm telling ya!

[lookout123]

bad bad night. we were with another couple and she got smashed, although she says she barely has a buzz. not too many 122 lb girls can drink 14 beers in a 5 hour period and only be a "little buzzed".

cruel. insulting. provocative. she brought up an incident from 6 years ago that has been long settled. except now she says that i've never told her the truth. she has known exactly what happened since shortly after the event - but apparently has recently decided i'm lying.

my head says to pack up my things and my boy and split. my heart says that i love her and i have to take this as far as possible in trying to help her.

i know i am at a disadvantage being the male, but if i split what are my chances of having my son live with me (and have visits with her)? there is no documented evidence of alcoholism, substance abuse, or anything else major. even if there was, i don't think i would want to drag that type of thing out in court.

Lookout, a 200 pound man who drank that much in that short a period would have a drinking problem. She was averaging almost 3 beers an hour. I could do that myself if I wanted to (I don't), but I sure would be more than a little buzzed if I did and I'd have to go into training for the event. I hate to be a broken record here, but substance abuse of some sort certainly seems to be going on. A gal doesn't develop a capacity like that out of nowhere.

As far as documenting stuff, you just have. Then there was the incident when she went out with the girls. There was another incident before that. You've been documenting her behavior in your posts right here to the Celler. Go back and re-read your own posts.

I don't have the faintest idea what the courts might do. However, you need to ask yourself, do you want your son possibly driving in the car with her when she's under the influence? Do you want him to be subjected to the way she behaves when she's had too much to drink or is using some other substance?

Your love and loyalty for your wife is deeply touching, but I am going to be cruel to be kind. You are describing the behavior of an alcoholic/addict. A person who is using is in love with their drug of choice. Period. Everything else, human beings included, come in a distant second.

An actively using person's behavior mimics that of someone with a personality disorder. Underneath the drug or alcohol, there may be a wonderful caring person. Unfortunately, for that person and everyone close to them, they don't get to be that decent person as long as they continue to use.

If you seperate from your wife and take your son with you, you may actually be doing the kindest, most loving thing possible for your wife. As long as you sign off on her behavior by sticking around and taking it, she'll be able to stay in denial and tell herself that things aren't so bad.

Have you had that appointment with the shrink or therapist yet? You need to be gut level honest when you go in for that and describe all the behaviors you have shared with us here. You may indeed have to bring these things up in court for your son's sake, Lookout.

I wish I could give you a more optimistic opinion, but given everything you have described so far, your wife has some serious issues. If she continues to refuse to address them, your responsibility is to make sure your son is spared the impact of her behaviors as much as possible.

I am so sorry that you have to go through all this.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Seems to me if she wanted to break the marriage she could in a heartbeat. Even tell a bullshit story to the cops and have you removed from the domicile, it happens all the time.
Instead, she's playing head (and heart) games, being obnoxious, grasping at anything she can think of to drive you to walking (running) away thinking it's your fault. It's not
Makes me wonder if she has a plan, just playing it by ear or just irrational?
She hasn't rolled across the room like a hoop or projectile vomited yet, has she?