Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce.

Brett's Honey · 12-13-2005, 01:40 AM

I guess what I was trying to say in my earlier post was that sometimes a relationship loses something when it's no longer a challenge...
All of the "you'll be okay" advice is right, but I just really hope your marital trouble doesn't end in divorce. Of course you can't stop it sometimes, but I have a lot of admiration for hearing that you're already willing to forgive an affair, if that's the case. Shit happens, life happens, and forgiving a mistake, or forgiving infidelity even if she doesn't regret it, shows that you're willing to work on whatever it is that is wrong. Sometimes it not only saves a marriage, but makes it better. Maybe she needs to figure out that the passion that couples feel at first simply does not last forever. When my husband and I met 3 1/2 years ago, we would stay in bed all week-end, for the last couple years we've been in a "routine". Sometimes it's only a 2-3 times a month routine. Sometimes, I even feel like I love him more than I'm "in love" with him, but I'm 46 years old, been through a few relationships, and know it would be this way with anyone. I'm going to continue to hope really hard for the two of you...

Elspode · 12-13-2005, 01:22 PM

Any lively conversation and happy roll in the hay can provide us with such a rush that, after a couple of successive sparkling new encounters, free of the baggage of a longer relationship, we may very well feel like we are "in love" with the other person. The human animal is wired that way. It is Nature's way of ensuring that we spread our superior genetics (well, mine are superior, anyway, and I'm sure all of yours are as well) around as widely as possible. New=Heightened *Everything* on the biochemical level.

Unfortunately, we're also creatures of consciousness, and as such, of *conscience*. For my own part, I know intuitively, deeply, for certain that the truest measure of love must include an ample helping of respect, perseverence and common sacrifice. These are fundamental things that build the foundations of an enduring relationship, long after the biochemical boil has eased back to a slow simmer.

How are we to balance our gut level desire to boil with our intellectual yearning for a long term simmer? Beats the living shit out of me. I'll let you know if I *ever* am able to beat this thing and win instead of just describing it.

12-13-2005, 01:22 PM	#2
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Any lively conversation and happy roll in the hay can provide us with such a rush that, after a couple of successive sparkling new encounters, free of the baggage of a longer relationship, we may very well feel like we are "in love" with the other person. The human animal is wired that way. It is Nature's way of ensuring that we spread our superior genetics (well, mine are superior, anyway, and I'm sure all of yours are as well) around as widely as possible. New=Heightened Everything on the biochemical level. Unfortunately, we're also creatures of consciousness, and as such, of conscience. For my own part, I know intuitively, deeply, for certain that the truest measure of love must include an ample helping of respect, perseverence and common sacrifice. These are fundamental things that build the foundations of an enduring relationship, long after the biochemical boil has eased back to a slow simmer. How are we to balance our gut level desire to boil with our intellectual yearning for a long term simmer? Beats the living shit out of me. I'll let you know if I ever am able to beat this thing and win instead of just describing it. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

12-13-2005, 01:40 AM	#1
Brett's Honey whatever Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 308	I guess what I was trying to say in my earlier post was that sometimes a relationship loses something when it's no longer a challenge... All of the "you'll be okay" advice is right, but I just really hope your marital trouble doesn't end in divorce. Of course you can't stop it sometimes, but I have a lot of admiration for hearing that you're already willing to forgive an affair, if that's the case. Shit happens, life happens, and forgiving a mistake, or forgiving infidelity even if she doesn't regret it, shows that you're willing to work on whatever it is that is wrong. Sometimes it not only saves a marriage, but makes it better. Maybe she needs to figure out that the passion that couples feel at first simply does not last forever. When my husband and I met 3 1/2 years ago, we would stay in bed all week-end, for the last couple years we've been in a "routine". Sometimes it's only a 2-3 times a month routine. Sometimes, I even feel like I love him more than I'm "in love" with him, but I'm 46 years old, been through a few relationships, and know it would be this way with anyone. I'm going to continue to hope really hard for the two of you...

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