Corrupted Wish

[lumberjim]

You find yourself in a dark place. It's hot and steamy. and crowded. there are two other prescences close by, but you cant see them. Only one eye seems to be working, and it's very dark. suddenly, you feel something heavy thump against you. then there is a horrifically loud rending sound, and light spills in around you. You are crushed between two giant blunt pincers. They pull on you until you feel like you might fly into the air, but then you realize that you have no legs or feet, and your body is planted tightly in the ground. Ground? no time to look any closer, your head is stretched forward by the pincers, and you feel a powerfull surge from within. opening your one good eye, you are confronted by an enormous urinal. The surge grows, and you feel a fluid rushing up within you, and now your sight goes blurry as it fountains out of your eye. All of the sudden, it dawns on you. You're a dick. Humiliated, you wait for the body to stop pissing you off. Just before it happens, you remember the shake. Oh no. You utter a quick prayer that he's not a wringer or a flicker. Before it comes, though, you hear a booming voice. this is not your body's voice. it comes from behind. "Oscar? Oscar Maier?" your body turns, exposing you to a view of a man in a mustard bottle costume. "Oscar! Man, I'ts been ages! How've you been!?"

Remembering your wish, you shrivel. you're an Oscar Maier Weiner.

I wish I had a bottomless bag of diamonds.