Marine wedding.

[Queen of the Ryche]

Originally Posted by dar512

I admit it's a bit flowery, but I don't see any obvious spelling or grammer rules being broken.

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Queen of the Ryche

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above.

Oh yeah? Tell Marichiko that!

Originally Posted by Brianna

Oh yeah? Tell Marichiko that!

HUH??????????????????????????????????????

[dar512]

Originally Posted by Queen of the Ryche

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above.

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by dar512

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

Right...just the other day I sent someone an email consisting of two sentences. The first contained 185 words and the second, two words.

Originally Posted by dar512

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

Long setences don't imply good writing, either. Brevity is the soul of wit. Something I often tend to forget, myself.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by marichiko

Long setences don't imply good writing, either. Brevity is the soul of wit. Something I often tend to forget, myself.

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

[Queen of the Ryche]

Originally Posted by dar512

What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Just the overall cheesieness.

Originally Posted by dar512

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Yeah, Queen is right, it's very cheesy but, also, the writing is unclear and awkward:

As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The groom took her by the hand and escorted the bride to the stage under the large pavilion. Mayor Ray Bailey of Lava Hot Springs officiated.

The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. It was a very peaceful ceremony as the birds sang and the background.

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.
The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant. It sounds as though a pack of individual country western singers with guitars sang love songs. My guess is that the country western GROUP, “Bubba and his Idaho Coon Hounds,” sang songs like “I promise you,” or “Watch this” or “Goodbye Earl,” using guitar, bass, drums, and a sound system. The reader will never know the truth of this, and probably spends nights laying awake wondering if 10 individual country western style singers (WITH guitars) sang at the wedding or if it was Bubba and his band. “The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

“The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. “

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

The bride and groom who had each made a commitment to serve their country, now made a personal commitment to one another, as well. War torn Iraq was very far away on that peaceful Idaho afternoon with birds singing in the background.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by marichiko

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.

Not really a no-no. See this page

Originally Posted by marichiko

The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant.

Yeah, I'll go along with this.

Originally Posted by marichiko

“The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

The referent is implied in the previous sentence. This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

Originally Posted by marichiko

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

Originally Posted by dar512

This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

Yes. As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The subject of the sentence preceeding that statement is the flower girl, not Crystal. The reader shouldn't be left to resolve such quandries on his own. Its very awkward phrasing.

Originally Posted by dar512

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

I can be a sucker for sentimental tripe, myself. I like my sentimental tripe to be well written, however.