i've avoided this long enough...

[BigV]

Actually, yes. I have felt those things in the midst of a job search. Once I was out of work (underemployed, actually) for about two years. I wouldn't wish it on a snake. It can be a most corrosive influence on a person's well-being. I probably don't need to enumerate the ways in which wanting and not having a job sucks, but here are some, not in special order.

First, you get told "No" a lot. That can be awful. Sometimes the "no" comes in the form of the absence of a reply at all. It's not difficult to internalize all these negative responses and that can lead to trouble. Because if you read more into the "no" than what the prospective employer intended, you can open yourself up to a lot of trouble. I would remind you that the employer is saying, "Thanks, but, no thanks" and not "You're worthless. How could you even waste my time with your pathetic application. I need somebody who knows something, not you, you ignorant gob." Ok, the voices in my head can get carried away, but I don't think I'm alone on this. The trick is to just listen to what the employer's saying, and don't add your own baggage.

There can be considerable value in the refusal. I have had good luck talking to the person who didn't accept me for the position by asking them what were the weak points in my presentation, then taking the appropriate action. News flash--they never sounded like that evil voice in my head. Ask them. It's quite possible they're momentarily inclined to help you out of pity/sympathy for having delivered bad news. And while you're asking, ask them for the name(s) of somebody you can contact next.

Another difficulty in the search process I found is that while I was looking for a "real" job, I was coasting on the stored effort of others. Maybe this is more of a guy thing, but I know it's not exclusively male. I have a need to feel productive, like I'm contributing. And during the search, I did not. But the correct perspective for me was to acknowledge that what I was doing was sowing the seeds of a future bounty. I had to do this part now, so that I could do the other part later. You can't reap before you sow. This step, difficult and unpleasant and seemingly useless is critical. It can not be bypassed.

When I was in school, I learned a ton about computers, and when I went to work, some of it applied, but there were vast unexplored territories of knowledge and behavior and expectation. Work was really, really different than school. Even the process of getting work was unknown to me, and my ignorance about the motivations of a business was an obstacle to me. I sense some of the same vibe in your post:

Maybe I don't understand the corporate mentality when it comes to hiring, but in my opinion, if you have a need, fill it and get on with your business.

Uh, yeah, on paper. But how can you know what hidden factors influence the decision? You only see a single facet of the hiring process. So far, that facet is the one that says "No thanks". But there are many other things happening behind the scenes that directly affect you and this decision that you cannot see or influence. It's good to know as much as you can about the specific instance, but those things that are around the corner or over the horizon are just not knowable, nor can you influence them, nor should you spend much of your energy dwelling on them.

You mention this will be your "first real job". You imply that everything you know about "real jobs" is second hand. Work is, well, different, once you get there. Most of the stuff you know applies, but I mention it because I don't want you to make assumptions that are incorrect and unhelpful to your cause. You can't help being ignorant (no first hand experience, not an insult), but if you're gonna wonder, at least do it in a way that's not destructive to your ego and enthusiasm for the task.

Mr Melidasaur counts big here. The support and comfort a spouse can provide are priceless. I believe you when you say he doesn't really understand. You're right, he doesn't. I will happily refrain from offering free marital advice, which would be worth about twice what you paid for it, but I'll confirm his importance in this process and urge you to talk to each other, often.

As to Mr Melidasaur's job, I would only say, don't make unfair unhelpful comparisons.

You said something that struck me as odd. You said:

...your first real job...never work again...

I'm sure you're not considering retirement at this stage...but I don't get your comment. Just remember, you have considerable experience "learning" and when you compare that to your minimal experience "working" you can get some weird mismatches. Don't compare things that don't belong together.

One more item, this is really a numbers game. You just want one perfect job, but that might take ten or twenty average jobs to find. Ten or twenty average jobs might take fifty or a hundred offers to find. A hundred offers might take a thousand or more applications and interviews. Brace yourself--you're just getting started. Brace yourself, hehehe, I should say "Pace yourself".

You're not your job, don't lose sight of that. And fer cryin out loud, you're definitely not ______________ negative conclusion reached in the process of looking for a job. You're not. You'll find them and they're looking for you. Don't give up. When weary, rest. When told no, learn why. When excited, share. When hired, celebrate. And keep looking, cause it never stops.