Raising a kid

[warch]

I'm better now. The deprogramming *is* working.

Its really cool when you can figure how to get through to a kid. Consistency and clarity about whats ok or not is #1. I think discipline is all about giving a kid the opportunity to make choices and experience consequence. That said, there are hard rules- you wear your bike helmet, you dont go in the street, etc. And the best discipline is swift, calm, and consistent.

But the little things, "choose what you wear", "when you've calmed down come join us at dinner", "choose which toy you want to bring, this or that"... the adult can decide ok boundaries and, is party to what the kid wants, likes, etc. and the kid is operating inside the boundaries. It exercises some important muscles in a respectful way. And Ive seen it work.

Some things that seem to work well with littlest kids- alot of the meltdowns I've been a party to were just frustration and strong emotions. Instead of saying "stop fussing, calm down, dont worry about that"- denying feelings, or"we have to go cause were late" imposing your reasoning, or the thing I'm guilty of - trying to create a diversion, hear the kid's frustration and echo it back so they know you know. "I wish we could spend more time here, that would be really fun. We've had a great time. We'll have to come back again, would that be a good idea?" The kid hears that you recognize whats so hard and then you give him the power to return. Well, and then you actually do have to respect that and eventually return...

But what the hell do I know!? Everyday is a new drama. I can pass them to Mom or Dad and say, "see you guys later!" Good parents are amazing.