Parenting and teenage relationships

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Lunaephiliac

Stop worrying about what your son thinks, it doesn't matter. In fact, if he's mad at you, you're probably doing the right thing. I will pray for him, and you.

This is bullshit.

It is critical that your son feels that his thoughts are valued.

If he doesn't feel that way, then you're redundant, useless, powerless. You have no standing with him if he feels he has no standing with you. Think about it.

I am not urging you to strive to learn his point of view and them make him happy--NO. But you can certainly learn what's in his head and then share what's in your head.

Let's face it, you're wiser by far than he is in these matters. He NEEDS your wisdom here. He doesn't need you to make him happy--he has "Marcia" for that for sure. It is possible (have high expectations and let them live up to them) for you two to be mad at each other, or pissed or whatever, and still show mutual respect, like you did when you walked away after he called you dumb, and like he did when he took his (step?)dad's counsel and apologized. This is growth. He can still benefit from your guidance in this high stakes scenario.

But reject him out of hand because you know better (you do) and because you can and you'll likely find that he'll return the favor and seek counsel (physical and emotional) elsewhere. Give him a chance to stay connected to his best source. Stay connected with him.

His being mad at you can not be reliably connected to something good you did for him or something bad. I can piss off my kid with good parental discipline and with being a jerk. Same result. But the kids can tell if they're bein dissed. They're acutely sensitive on this score.

The prayers are legit. That part is not bullshit. You're all in my prayers too.

Hang in there.