Tales from the Nuthouse: Lest You Think I have a Really Cool Job

[mrnoodle]

I dunno. A job where you have to come in any sort of contact with the genitals of a drunken paraplegic warrants hazard pay. Particularly if it's the sort of place where you're likely to have poo thrown at you (or worse). wolf, how do you keep your spirits up around all the whack jobs? I'd be as suicidal as them after awhile.

[wolf]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

wolf, how do you keep your spirits up around all the whack jobs? I'd be as suicidal as them after awhile.

I don't really have an answer to this.

We question ourselves at work a lot ... why are we doing this.

One of the answers is that we have no marketable job skills.

The truth, of course, is that we do, we just don't have personalities that fit well in private industry. I say fuck all too often, don't know how a corporate power structure works, and would probably strangle myself with the bow on my peter pan collar if I ever had to wear a business suit, or even a skirt on a regular basis.

Part of my personal answer is that this seems to be what I was made to do. I had never laid eyes on a live mental patient until I walked into the hospital 13 years ago this June ... but I'm very comfortable with the population, I'm constantly in a position where I have to think creatively, improvise, and figure out how to make the impossible possible.

I don't usually see blood or body fluids, but yeah, when I do, it's a doozy.

There are a lot of people who come in hating me, thinking I'm a bitch, and making some significant death threats against me. Most of them get over it after the med levels rise high enough in their blood. I've had at least one guy try to kill me, but he only succeeded in breaking my hand.

The fact that I came back after that says a lot ... either I love what I'm doing, or I have some massive fucking bills to pay. Okay, both.

My coworkers and I always talk about getting out. Doing something else. One of them went to school for computer repair ... he has quit three times and come back after what he left for failed to work out. My other partner is getting his MBA and dreams of going to work for a real company. I went to graduate school with the intent of honing my expertise in this field. I go to additional training on Suicide, Critical Incident Stress Management, Disaster Response, Weapons of Mass Destruction not because I have to, but because I want to. I don't have a license to maintain. I don't need continuning education credits, but I love this stuff.

Our current "exit plan" is that we'll all quit when the shrink quits ... he has decided that he will retire to Ghana, where he is building a very beautiful house (we've seen pictures) to raise snails and sell them for an obscene profit to the French. We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt, then we will spend the afternoon on the veranda, smoking the finest Ghanian weed, drinking Palm Wine, and being refreshed by the cooling breezes. I will be the Director of Snail Security, and keep the snails safe from banditry.

Unforunately, he won't be retiring right away.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by wolf

We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt, then we will spend the afternoon on the veranda, smoking the finest Ghanian weed, drinking Palm Wine, and being refreshed by the cooling breezes. I will be the Director of Snail Security, and keep the snails safe from banditry.

Unforunately, he won't be retiring right away.

You mean I'll have to move to Africa in order to get you to be my elder care provider?

[darclauz]

Originally Posted by wolf

..to raise snails and sell them for an obscene profit to the French. We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt........

(in my best shrink voice)

Tell me about keeping snails free of salt. What comes up? What surfaces?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Let them work it out themselves.

[Troubleshooter]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

...Particularly if it's the sort of place where you're likely to have poo thrown at you...

Or one of my favorite variants...

Having to administer enemas to schizophrenics who either:

a) refuse to take a dump or,
b) really like having an enema...

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Troubleshooter

Or one of my favorite variants...

Having to administer enemas to schizophrenics who either:

a) refuse to take a dump or,
b) really like having an enema...

isn't this just one guy??

[Troubleshooter]

Originally Posted by BigV

isn't this just one guy??

Depends on the day of the week and the celestial alignment.