Anybody know much about Weight Watchers?

[Clodfobble]

She'll soon make the link between eating lots and putting on weight, and decide if that's the path for her or not.

No... 13-year-olds usually don't have the self-esteem for that, and the ones that do aren't in these situations to begin with. My mother practiced a parenting style she called "benign neglect," and it basically summed up to 'let them figure everything out on their own--when people make fun of them, then they'll learn.'

I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control, which is what all children start out with: "People hate me, and/or I'm not good enough, therefore Y is happening to me."

If she hates the way she looks, then now is the prime time to help her understand that she has the power to change it, something she probably doesn't truly believe. At her weight, eating less isn't going to fix everything anyway. Is there any way she can get into an exercise routine, perhaps together with you, or her father, or both? "Do exercise" is easier than "don't eat," since she probably already feels she's a failure at the latter.

Weight Watchers might help, I have no idea. I hear their support groups are the most important part. That's still bringing someone else in to solve her problem, though, which might be a good first step--but the ultimate goal should be to establish that she has control over this stuff.

[wolf]

Do not listen to catwoman's advice.

She doesn't know anything about kids, or about being significantly overweight.

If you let the kid eat anything she wants, her future may include a day on which she'll be lifted by a crane out of a hole cut in the side of the house by the fire company.

There is a bit of a grain of usefulness in what cat said, though ... make sure that the young lady is as involved as possible in making her decisions and choices about how to proceed.

Treatment with a psychologist or other therapist along with a good weight loss program will be of great use here ... using food as comfort object is not unusual, but there's a very careful balance that has to be maintained for successful and healthy weight loss.

[Beestie]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

[i]I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control, which is what all children start out with: "People hate me, and/or I'm not good enough, therefore Y is happening to me."

Very well said. Wish someone had told me that when I was 13.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control...<snip>

This is absolutely true and spot-on. Cause and effect, which we older types learned by dint of having fewer distractions and therefore more involvement in reality, seems to be particularly difficult for the children of the new millenium to get in gear with. My two teens brought us to the end of our rope, and so beginning on Monday, we removed *all* privileges (anything not schooling, meals, music, books, news programming, family socialization or sleep) from their lives, and instigated a system of points to be earned for each task performed in support of their own responsibilities and household chores.

The goal was to motivate them to earn their favorite activities (video gaming, computer chat, television, general screwing off) by putting them in a position where they and only they were responsible. In effect, we have turned the family into a "business", and hired the boys as "employees".

It is a lot of work. We have a daily reckoning, and I keep a set of books. Each task has a set point value, and each privilege has a cost in points. The result so far is two kids scrambling to earn as many points as possible as a hedge against the upcoming weekend and Spring break, and the fun they'd like to have therein. Extra points are awarded for identifying and performing tasks without being told. Things like them leaving their crap all over the house (trash, dishes, clothes) have immediately ceased as a point is awarded each day for simply not leaving crap laying around. A point is awarded for every "clean room day" (I check the room each night at reckoning time; if it is clean, they get a point), for tending to the animals' food and water, etc, etc.

Things that went utterly ignored are now being dutifuly done, praise is being given along with points, and you can already *see* the pride and motivation flowing out of these kids.

Summary? Figure out a way to get the child to *want* to be responsible for changing their lifestyle and subsequently, their weight.

I don't think I've permanently solved our problem with the teens at home, but I think we're on the right track.

[Perry Winkle]

Weight Watchers is definately a good program.

Just to put the following story in context:
I'm 6 foot 8 inches or ~203cm. I weigh ~230 lbs and have a very broad frame.

To make a very long story short. By the time I was 17 I weighed 350 pounds. At about this time I dropped out of high school and had several trips to the nut house b/c I was in a deep depression and isolated completely. I wanted to die. I went back to school the following year to finish off everything. At about age 18.5(november/december) I weighed 450 pounds.

One day the thought occured to me that I was going to lose weight and be happy. It was like a switch was flipped. I joined Weight Watchers and by the time I graduated from high school, in June 2001, I was down to 400.

By the time my first semester at community college started that september I was down to 350 and very happy with myself. I decided to quit WW and do it on my own from then on. That december I got a part time job at software development company and my self-confidence _soared_. By Feb. '02 I was 320. I started to slide back in to depression but I had curbed some of the compulsive eating behaviors.

Sometime that spring/summer I pulled out of the depression and started losing weight again. By early in '03 I was at 290, I still felt like a fatass. That semester I started making friends again. I had a bad experience with a girl or two and started hating my body image. I blamed all of my social problems on my body. My caloric intake swung into the highly deficient range. By August '03 I was down to 215 now the problem was that I had a significant amount of loose skin(from a medical perspective I was underweight too). I had transferred to a 4 year college by this time.

I started lifting, running and eating enough and now I'm at 230 and pretty happy with how I look. I've saved enough money that this June I am going to have my excess skin removed.

I still have a lot of problems socializing can't seem to surmount. e.g. I can't move from aquaintance to friend. I can converse all day but when it comes to suggesting an activity or something my confidence implodes.

I really don't know what I'm typing all this out for and revealing all of this to a bunch of folks I don't know. Maybe I just hope that some of it will help the girl. Maybe I hope it will put a spur in my side, I'll be 23 in May there's not much more parents can do for me...

Now I'm going to go engage in my favorite self destructive behavior and run around town until my legs fall off.