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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 02-28-2005, 07:50 PM   #1
breakingnews
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: somewhere in between
Posts: 995
Now would you rather know these things outright, or are there things you'd prefer were "omitted" from general knowledge?

Okay, that's not worded very well. Here's a living, breathing example.

My last serious girlfriend was not thrilled that I occasionally sought out and thoroughly enjoyed smoking the pot. (She had done it before but didn't like it all that much.) She knew I very rarely do some other substances too, and really didn't appreciate that. But as long as it did not "control my life or our relationship," she didn't care. Eventually she said if, say, I was out taking bong rips and was not a) cheating on her, b) doing something stupid to risk death or c) calling her and saying stupid shit I might regret the next day, she didn't need (nor preferred) to know. It was the trust we afforded each other, and it was very comforting to have that buffer.

There were things I knew she was doing but opted not to know. My justification was that all those nights of worrying and fretting were better reserved for times when they really mattered, and the lack of stress was refreshing. We agreed that if the situation was really awful, we'd disclose and discuss. I equivocated my less-than-occasional gambling excursions with those nights she spent at the strip joints blowing money with her girlfriends. Harmless fun that only stresses those on the other end.

Of course, you must have this trust to begin with, and either of us could very easily have cheated or done whatever, really. But it wasn't necessary. There was no need to avoid each other, no reason to be ashamed. Liberating, in a way.

I dunno if this makes any sense. It's simple in my head, but I know you womenfolk will figure out ways to manipulate it into a man-shredding chainsaw of hate.
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