please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug...

[staceyv]

Ortho Tricyclin is one of the two pills that I tried when I had black outs and heart palpitations which went away when I got off of the pill.

You don't take someone who's feeling down and tell them that now the's time to quit smoking..And that's not what I meant by lifestyle changes. I meant my job.
Anyway, I already have a plan to quit smoking by gradually reducing my addiction to nicotine. I went from lights (.7 mg nicotine) to superlights (.4 mg) and I will switch to Winston Ones (.1 mg) in a couple of months, then to the lowest dose patch. I KNOW that light cigarettes aren't necessarily healthier, but they DO have less nicotine per cigarette and I am using that as a tool to lower my addiction. "I am not ready.." to quit in conventional ways, because I'd be even more of a wreck.

I know myself well enough to know that if I excercise everyday, I don't NEED antidepressants. I don't see the point in taking them when there is a very healthy alternative that works just as well for me. I have nothing against antidepressants, except that they are a drug which can have side effects and excercise is all natural and the only side effects are great ones... I know a LOT of people on anti-depressants, I realize how common they are.

I have been to a psychologist before. They sit there and listen, and that's fun, but their main specialty is prescribing drugs...Like I said, give me a gym membership instead of a prescription, I'll be pumping out endorphins, boosting my confidence and feeling optimistic. It really is the best therapy and many studies have shown that.

You're basically saying that I'm whining about my problems and I'm not willing to do anything about them. I have a plan to quit smoking, valid reasons for not taking the pill, and if I took antidepressants, it would only be because I was too lazy to get my ass to the gym. I know that some people need them and it's not because they're lazy, but in my case, that would be exactly why I went on them...

And about "feeling normal"..I don't give a flying f$*# about being normal. I have always felt different, and I see no stigma attached to taking anti-depressants.
My husband loves me the way I am and he's never told me that I need help or drugs or whatever. He just says he wants me to quit my job, but if I do that now, it'll set us back.

I'm all set. You can add me being over-defensive to my list of complaints and sit there and shake your head and say "this chick is hopeless", whatever. I really am offended by labrat's post, which is just another excellent example of me being oversensitive...
Screw it, I have my books coming in the mail, so maybe I'll find some insight there. Thanks to everyone else who had nice things to say and useful advice...I really appreciate it. Even if I didn't walk away with my answer, I think more than anything, I needed to vent and hoped to find that I'm not the only person with issues, and I did accomplish that, so it wasn't all a waste of time.