Humor...I Need Humor...

[Carruthers]

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.

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I once went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".
I went as a chilli pepper, but everyone else went as astronauts.

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When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head.
Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

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I put up a high voltage electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbour is dead against it.

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H. G. Wells walked into a library and asked for a book on Time Travel.
"Sod off" said the librarian, "you didn't bring it back!"

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Those people who say they like the element of surprise are really not familiar with the periodic table.

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My Neighbour has just re-laid his drive using a load of old Mills and Boon paperbacks!
A novel approach I thought ...