Am I the Most Pathetic New Year's Celebrant Out There?

Squawk · 01-22-2018, 07:18 AM

I almost won the prize this NYE. I was about to leave my flat at around 7.30pm when I found the lock had seized on my front door and I couldn't get out. Fortunately I remembered I had a pair of mole grips in one of my four tool boxes, so I tried to turn the knob with them. It turned, but didn't open the latch. Shit. Then I thought I would unscrew the fixing on the door frame, but the screws were covered in paint. Ah! I'll hammer a screwdriver into the screw heads so I can turn them. Shit, my sister's got my hammer. Ah! I've got a lump hammer I found in a park bin at work! But no luck bashing off the paint, and back to square one. I was now thinking, how am I going to get a locksmith out on New Year's Eve? Also, it's going to cost me a fortune. Then I tried unscrewing the four screws on the lock itself, but it was still wedged between the catch and the outside lock barrel. Then I remembered I also had a swan neck wrecking bar I'd found in the same park bin, and was finally able to lever off the lock and escape from my flat. And go to the party!

xoxoxoBruce · 01-22-2018, 09:42 AM

That ain't close to pathetic, that was an adventure and you got a story that people won't mind hearing over again every new years when you get all drunk and reminiscing.

So you went out and left the door unsecured? I leave my door unlocked every night hoping for a rapist, but (sigh) no luck yet.

Squawk · 01-23-2018, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That ain't close to pathetic, that was an adventure and you got a story that people won't mind hearing over again every new years when you get all drunk and reminiscing.

So you went out and left the door unsecured? I leave my door unlocked every night hoping for a rapist, but (sigh) no luck yet.

Yes I suppose it is a good story

I share the main front door with the flat upstairs, and we both have our own inner doors. I messaged the upstairs neighbours to let them know. All anyone could have nicked was the junk mail in the hallway, and fortunately I live in a pretty safe area as well. I took the lock into work the day after New Year's Day and a workmate fixed it for me, so all's well that ends well.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-23-2018, 01:16 AM

Excellent, didn't even need new keys.

Carruthers · 01-22-2018, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squawk

Fortunately I remembered I had a pair of mole grips in one of my four tool boxes, so I tried to turn the knob with them.

I recall a deeply philosophical discussion somewhere on the Cellar about the exact nature of mole grips.

I suppose the underlying proposition was 'I grip, therefore I am'.

Gravdigr · 01-22-2018, 01:05 PM

Ah yes, the ol' 'Is mole grips hand tools?' event.

I remember it well.

01-22-2018, 07:18 AM	#1
Squawk Peoploid Join Date: Aug 2017 Posts: 152	I almost won the prize this NYE. I was about to leave my flat at around 7.30pm when I found the lock had seized on my front door and I couldn't get out. Fortunately I remembered I had a pair of mole grips in one of my four tool boxes, so I tried to turn the knob with them. It turned, but didn't open the latch. Shit. Then I thought I would unscrew the fixing on the door frame, but the screws were covered in paint. Ah! I'll hammer a screwdriver into the screw heads so I can turn them. Shit, my sister's got my hammer. Ah! I've got a lump hammer I found in a park bin at work! But no luck bashing off the paint, and back to square one. I was now thinking, how am I going to get a locksmith out on New Year's Eve? Also, it's going to cost me a fortune. Then I tried unscrewing the four screws on the lock itself, but it was still wedged between the catch and the outside lock barrel. Then I remembered I also had a swan neck wrecking bar I'd found in the same park bin, and was finally able to lever off the lock and escape from my flat. And go to the party! __________________ 'Nothin' seems that weird anymore' Lo-Fidelity Allstars

01-22-2018, 09:42 AM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	That ain't close to pathetic, that was an adventure and you got a story that people won't mind hearing over again every new years when you get all drunk and reminiscing. So you went out and left the door unsecured? I leave my door unlocked every night hoping for a rapist, but (sigh) no luck yet. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-23-2018, 01:16 AM	#4
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Excellent, didn't even need new keys. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-22-2018, 01:05 PM	#6
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Ah yes, the ol' 'Is mole grips hand tools?' event. I remember it well. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)