Dementia Sucks

[Glinda]

Originally Posted by captainhook455

So my wife is 10 yrs older than I. She had a bad stroke 16 yrs ago and even with no use of the left arm we have had a blissful life. Along with stroke comes a chance of dementia.

Might get it might not. I will probably get it with 2 strokes and my father had it. Shit seems to strike those with a better than average IQ.

My wife wants to check herself into a nursing home. I know something has to happen, because she is driving me fucking nuts.

Have you considered both of you moving to an assisted living place that has a dementia/Alzheimer's unit?

I've just been through a year and a half of dealing with my mother's dementia and father's mild Alzheimer's, and have learned SO much about the proper housing/facilities for folks that are in the position you are. If there's anything I can offer as far as advice or suggestions or just relating my own experience to give you some idea of what lies ahead, please PM me.

The reality is, nobody really knows what to do when confronted with dementia. Most of the time, it kind of creeps up on you and suddenly you're in a spot where changes need to happen, and often very quickly. You jump in order to do the best thing for your loved one, and sometimes you jump in the wrong direction, just because you HAVE to jump somewhere, right now.

That's how it happened with my mom. One day, she was 90 years old (with the occasional/very minor moments of dementia, and two very small stokes under her belt) - still driving and shopping and cooking and cleaning and caring for the house and yard and for my frail but mostly coherent father, and the next, she was utterly and completely gone.

I didn't make any really bad mistakes, but there are things I would have done differently. The bottom line is, I SO wish I'd had more information and been better prepared in knowing what to expect, costs, different types of facilities, health insurance, estate/trust/financial preparations, and so on.

For example, did either of you serve in the military? There may be financial assistance available through the VA. I learned a lot. I have information to share!

Again, if there is any way I might be able to help, please let me know.