Back in the day

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I guess I've always been weird. Even as a young girl, I told my mom I didn't plan to have children. Isn't this every woman's dream? And I LOVE kids, and I'm good with them. I just never saw myself as a mom.

The white picket fence and beautiful husband and children were never my dream. I wonder why that is? No matter, the dream I did have is but a faint memory.

I admit I never realistically thought about children. About 10 years ago I found a "rough book" (a workbook we were given each term to take miscellaneous notes in - usually ended up full of obscene jokes, telephone numbers and drawings) from when I was 14. I'd actually listed the potential names of my daughters. I planned to have 6.

This quite surprised me - as an adult I realised I have no maternal urges at all. I dread my biological clock starting to tick because it's been silent so long I figure it would go off like a nuclear bomb. My dreams of children come from a time I wasn't physically capable of having them. They are a child's dream.

My image of an airy home, filled with fresh flowers, the smell of baking, the laughter of children and the tapping of my typewriter came directly from my childhood heroines Jo and Anne. Oh Katy's family in Susan Coolidge's What Katy Did... books.

I'm not sure what happened to my dreams once my hormones kicked in - all I know is everything became reasonably short term after 16. Probably best given that my highest calling was to spawn.

I'd still like to write one day though.