Birthing from Within and Daughter from Afar

[Cloud]

or, they still need you after they have grown up!

--Does anyone have experience with the Birthing from Within method?
--Is there anyone with young children in the Tacoma, WA area?

So, Daughter No. 2 got married last August and moved from Texas to Tacoma with her new husband. She's 24 and has a 7 year old son from a previous . . . liaison (long story). All is good--she's healthy, they are settled, husband is good guy with good job, but she's expecting her 2d child, on St. Patrick's Day, far from family and is feeling scared and lonely. (This will be grandbaby Cloud #6).

Last night I got a tearful phone call from her: "I'm scared. I miss you. I'm scared of going into labor. (sob) I'm scared I won't have any help. (sob) How am I going to [insert long list of everyday tasks]. I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared the baby is going to be difficult. (sob)."

Well, obviously these types of fears are normal and she knows that, when she's feeling rational. I talked to her today and she's perfectly fine. But she is planning a natural, home based birth with a midwife based on this Birthing From Within method, which makes me a bit nervous.

[SteveDallas]

At risk of being branded a smartass...

Originally Posted by Cloud

Birthing from Within method?

How else??

You said these fears are "normal." Well, I'm not an expert, but she seems over-wrought considering it's her second time around. Or at least based on my experience in Mrs. Dallas. Yes there was a certain degree of nervousness, but having been through it once already it seemed not so scary for the second kid.

I think the midwife-at-home thing is a bad idea. I don't object to it in principle (and again, that means a lot, because I know so much about it), but if she really is scared of pain and worried about a difficult labor, it doesn't seem like a sensible choice. Is she feeling pressured for some reason by somebody to do the "natural" thing?

[DucksNuts]

How was her first pregnancy and labour?

That would determine whether I think the B.F.W is a good idea or not. I've got friends who have used it (or similar) and swear by it, but I say gimme hospitals, doctors, drugs, drugs and more drugs, plus the epidural thanks very much

[Skunks]

Both my sister & I were born under the care of a midwife; it puts me in an odd position to advocate for the option, being the younger of us & therefore fairly uninvolved in both events. Nevertheless, my understanding of the situation is that my mother received both prenatal and birth counseling/help from her midwife; when she went into labor, she was primarily under the care of the midwife, but a doctor at the nearby (across the street?) hospital had been assigned to her.

It is my opinion that midwife-assisted births are perfectly doable; America is one of the few places in which the norm is to give birth in a hospital. It's probably not a decision to make late in the game, and as in all things a healthy amount of skepticism helps. Do some research.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

but if she really is scared of pain and worried about a difficult labor, it doesn't seem like a sensible choice. Is she feeling pressured for some reason by somebody to do the "natural" thing?

I tend to agree with SteveD here, as fear tends to complicate things.

I had my first child in a hospital, with an OB and lots of drugs. While it wasn't an bad experience per say, I knew right away I wouldn't do it that way again. With my daughter I used a midwife for all prenatal care and delivered naturally at a free standing birth center. I was assigned to an OB at Bryn Mawr but never met him or toured the hospital.
The natural birth was sooo much better for me, because its what I wanted and I remained in control of the whole event (my birth plan instructions to the midwife were "leave me alone until I need you", and she did, and it was fantastic.
Personally, I am much more comfortable with pain than doctors and hospitals. Your daughter needs to decide what she wants though.

[Cloud]

Oh, she's decided. Although it makes me a bit uncomfortable, she's secure in what she wants. She has strong personal reasons for it and there have been no complications. I've mentioned that she could always change her mind, and mentioned my reservations, but 1) it's not my call; and 2) I'd rather be supporting and not argue with her too much.

I don't personally think she is overwrought, just that she tends toward the emotional, like me. Her first birth was natural childbirth--fairly long, which is typical for a first labor, but no complications. She knows what to expect. She went to a birthing class that morning, and I think the experience brought her fears to the forefront. Better to acknowledge them and deal with them before the birth. She was much better today when I spoke to her.

It's just a bit frustrating as a mother, because when your child is upset and hurting--you want to be there. Hugs over the phone are not as satisfying.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by Cloud

It's just a bit frustrating as a mother, because when your child is upset and hurting--you want to be there. Hugs over the phone are not as satisfying.

Have you read BFW? I haven't but from my understanding it's not a "method" so to speak as much as ideas and information (generally I don't think any method is better than any other, except Bradley of course, that's just fucked up). If you haven't already, it might be a good idea for you to read it, there are generally ideas for caregivers on things to say and do to help mom relax.

Also, reading books by Ina May Gaskin, Henci Goer etc., might make you more comfortable with your daughter's plans.

[Cloud]

thank you, Jinx. No, I haven't read it, but will try to.