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I am very, very sociable, and also very, very unsociable. I can 'turn it on' at parties; but even so: that whole standing/sitting on the margins of a party not quite in any of the little clusters...that's my main experience of parties tbh.
Over the last few years, during my time in politics, I have had to grow a thicker skin. Each new experience put me out of my comfort zone in various ways and I just had to plaster my confident, friendly, yet totally unconcerned expression onto my face and hope it was over soon. Most people I engage with out and about and at functions, probably think I am a very confident and self-assured person.
In truth i am at my most comfortable when alone. Spending time in social situations (beyond idle chit chat with mates and immediate family) is exhausting to me. Like Brianna, I need time to process that experience: lots of it, just in my own space.
I don't find it as hard as I used to. The last five or six years have given me a wide range of experiences that have given me some confidence in what I am portraying of myself when I am at a function, or a gathering of any kind. That doesnt mean I am not going to pick through every conversation later, whilst alone, and find reasons to make myself feel like a dick.
There was a time I felt almost unable to walk into a full room. Full on anxiety at the thought of walking into a room and any of the eyes turning to see me. Much of that was because of my experiences at school, which, frankly, messed me up good and proper for a fuck of a long time. I am profoundly grateful that that particular little set of hangups has lessened over the years, but there is still a twinge even now.
With people I am comortable with, i am a naturally gregarious person. I have taught myself to take a little of that gregariousness with me into less comfortable situations. But I require large amounts of time to myself to recharge my batteries.
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