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She isn't learning that "hitting is something we never do to people", she's learning that hitting is something SHE can do to people without meaningful consequence.
Hitting is a power-play. It's the cause and effect that she is playing with. By hitting this person, I can get them to react, to cry, to run away, to scream out to mommy, I can get adults to react to me. That's a very powerful set of responses to a simple action.
There are two possibilities here, as I see it:
1) Your daughter is pre-rational in her ability to connect action with complex imposed consequence, so things like time-out and toys going away don't enter her decision-making process at the time of the incident.
2) Your daughter is able to rationally consider the imposed consequence in her decision-making, and likes the power she has over other children through hitting enough that she is willing to put up with the consequence.
A judicious use of spanking would work for either case!
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