[Deuce]

Originally Posted by kgg

I get two impressions here. One is that they are talking and attempting, at times, to work things through. She has not called the cops yet and why would she because they can just say she allowed him to talk/see her. The other one is, Deuce is wantingto talk to her as well. So he in fact isn't too worried about the restraining order and must trust her somewhat in that she hasn't called him in. He knows her better than we.

Stop a minute. Correction. I am terrified of the potential downside of the restraining order. It is a MAJOR obstacle to our communication. I feel she ordered it to get some confidence that she would be protected physically, but had no idea what a communication block it represents. She said she was afraid what I would do when I got the news of the divorce. Those fears have proved to be completely unfounded.

Originally Posted by kgg

So Deuce, I ask you, do you really think she will call? I think that perhaps she is afraid due to something we do not know about but that she must still care enough to want to work through some things together with you in a friendly manner. Am I wrong? And one last thing, we don't know that she keeps calling him. He hasn't said that she is the one doing all the calling. It sounds like he is calling her too. Fess up man.

Yes, I think she will call. I think she will call if she gets the sense that her safety is at risk, or the safety of our son. I think you're right, she is afraid. But her fears are unfounded. The things she said she was worried might happen, never happened. I never became violent, I never took our son, I never stalked, threatened, harassed, approached, etc etc. Good grief.

Frankly she should call in those situations. But you don't need a restraining order to have that kind of protection. A restraining order doesn't make the cops get there any faster when you dial 911.

You mention care. I wish she cared. I wonder if she cares. If she does care, she's sending seriously mixed messages. I hope she cares. I care. I want to work things out too, and friendly is better.

I don't exactly follow you on what you want me to fess up about. Clarify please.

Originally Posted by DanaC

People lie. If the stakes are a better deal in the divorce and custody of children, then it has to be considered as a possibility. Even if it's unlikely, because the cost of calling that wrong are very fucking high if you're a Dad who wants access to his kids.

She could be lying, I don't know. I don't think so. I evaluate this continuously. When I feel endangered, I cease contact. I can't parent my son from jail. You're damn skippy the stakes are high. Nothing in my life has represented higher stakes than this. I am paying attention, you can bet the rent.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Of course Deuce wants to talk to her, he is in love with her and doesn't want the relationship to end. Newsflash, she clearly does.

Some clarifications. I do love her. Not exactly the same as in love, though.

The relationship will not end, whether or not I want it to. I know the relationship will continue, because we have a young child together, that binds us.

I absofreakinlutely guarantee that the relationship will change. We can not continue as we are. The conflict, the arguing. **NOT** sustainable, not endurable, not healthy. We will change. We may be together, married. We may be together as divorced parents of a young child whom we both love. We may be divorced parents of a child we love that have not found a way to manage their conflict constructively and consequently limit the exposure and opportunity for conflict to the barest minimum. There will be a change, the current situation will not continue. I promise.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Has anything Deuce said given you even the slightest indication that she wants to work through anything in a friendly manner?

Deuce, kgg is telling you what you want to hear. he is doing so in all genuine good intent I am sure. But...it's still what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. That's my opinion anyway.

That's actually a good question, I don't know. Have I?