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kerosene · 01-16-2007, 10:18 PM

Iggy and Spode, I should have stayed in Kansas, and we could have all formed a commune!

To me, cheating is only cheating if dishonesty is involved. I would consider it cheating in my relationship if my husband was not honest with me about a person he was in love with and planned to leave me for. And at that point, I would realize the relationship is no longer worth continuing. I trust that he will be honest with me about this if it ever occurs. However, I am optimistic that this will not happen, since we are honest with each other and I know that he loves me and I love him. I don't expect that he will never *want* another woman. I believe that is unrealistic as it would be unrealistic for me to never *want* another man. There is also a definite level of emotional connection with other people that we recognize and free each other to experience. I know that because we give each other all the freedom we want in the relationship that there is no reason for jealousy or dishonesty. This has enriched our relationship.

Oh yeah, and our marriage vows were impromptu. I am fairly certain there was no inclusion of any of the standard vows that are heard most often in weddings. This was what was right for us.

I respect the views of others. I think LJ mentioned in a separate thread that monogamy is a social structure that we humans created (something like that). I agree and choose not to completely accept that structure, but I respect it. Having been cheated on, I remember what it felt like to expect that fidelity and I will admit (boo, hiss) that I have been dishonest about a situation of infidelity in my past, as well. I learned something from that...that for me, to expect that or have that expected of me isn't what I want.

01-16-2007, 10:18 PM	#1
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Iggy and Spode, I should have stayed in Kansas, and we could have all formed a commune! To me, cheating is only cheating if dishonesty is involved. I would consider it cheating in my relationship if my husband was not honest with me about a person he was in love with and planned to leave me for. And at that point, I would realize the relationship is no longer worth continuing. I trust that he will be honest with me about this if it ever occurs. However, I am optimistic that this will not happen, since we are honest with each other and I know that he loves me and I love him. I don't expect that he will never want another woman. I believe that is unrealistic as it would be unrealistic for me to never want another man. There is also a definite level of emotional connection with other people that we recognize and free each other to experience. I know that because we give each other all the freedom we want in the relationship that there is no reason for jealousy or dishonesty. This has enriched our relationship. Oh yeah, and our marriage vows were impromptu. I am fairly certain there was no inclusion of any of the standard vows that are heard most often in weddings. This was what was right for us. I respect the views of others. I think LJ mentioned in a separate thread that monogamy is a social structure that we humans created (something like that). I agree and choose not to completely accept that structure, but I respect it. Having been cheated on, I remember what it felt like to expect that fidelity and I will admit (boo, hiss) that I have been dishonest about a situation of infidelity in my past, as well. I learned something from that...that for me, to expect that or have that expected of me isn't what I want.