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Forum: Home Base 05-27-2020, 09:44 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
When you're a sports commentator without any...

When you're a sports commentator without any sport on which to comment(ate), you still have to fill in the time somehow.

Another one from Mabel and Olive...

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Forum: Home Base 04-17-2020, 09:42 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I'm not a fan of sports commentators at the best...

I'm not a fan of sports commentators at the best of times but, credit where it's due, this chap doesn't take himself too seriously.



hPTD_6W4u24




4FuNlOy6EPs
Forum: Home Base 04-08-2020, 07:29 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Have you met the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac...

Have you met the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who'd lay awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?
Forum: Home Base 04-08-2020, 01:08 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
A Czech that didn't bounce. ;)

A Czech that didn't bounce. ;)
Forum: Home Base 04-07-2020, 01:13 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
But what did it hit first?

But what did it hit first?
Forum: Home Base 03-29-2020, 09:47 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
70141 I'm currently working on a double...

70141

I'm currently working on a double decker version in my secret laboratory somewhere in England.
Forum: Home Base 03-23-2020, 03:12 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Toilet tissue crime is rife, rife I tell you. ...

Toilet tissue crime is rife, rife I tell you.

Coronavirus: Three men arrested over loo roll haul

70090



Link (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-51987662)
Forum: Home Base 03-23-2020, 02:21 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive...

The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday.
Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine.

My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday....
Forum: Home Base 03-21-2020, 05:56 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye...

I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye (https://www.private-eye.co.uk/current-issue) on sale in the supermarket yesterday...

70071
Forum: Home Base 02-21-2020, 08:54 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
That's such a shame. Just when I was developing...

That's such a shame. Just when I was developing an interest in Polish electrical vehicles as well. ;)
Forum: Home Base 10-03-2019, 12:24 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
If left untreated, 'I can't even' is likely to...

If left untreated, 'I can't even' is likely to develop into a particularly nasty case of 'I'm like'.

There's no known cure. :eek:
Forum: Home Base 07-15-2019, 09:07 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I wasn't sure whether to include that one, but I...

I wasn't sure whether to include that one, but I left it in on the basis that it might amuse one or two of the UK contingent. :thumb:
Forum: Home Base 07-14-2019, 09:09 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in...

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

------------------------------------------------------
I invented a new word today....
Forum: Home Base 04-29-2019, 07:43 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
There is more than a kernel of truth in that...

There is more than a kernel of truth in that cartoon.
Most people of my acquaintance who have visited the USA have been to Los Angeles, Florida or Noo Yawk and nowhere else.
I'm pleased to say that...
Forum: Home Base 04-10-2019, 10:06 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Becoming fewer by the day! Pubs closing at...

Becoming fewer by the day!

Pubs closing at rate of 18 a week as people stay at home (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-45086080)

I do not partake of grain or grape, but jotting down all the...
Forum: Home Base 02-12-2019, 05:38 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
It could have been worse. He could have...

It could have been worse.

He could have mistaken a sweater for a pair of trousers.....



...and succeeded in putting it on. :eek:


Anyway, there's a pretty good chance that each of those...
Forum: Home Base 01-30-2019, 10:36 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
One all!

One all!
Forum: Home Base 01-30-2019, 09:15 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Would that be the same alien who wrote home... ...

Would that be the same alien who wrote home...

Dear Mum,

Since I last wrote, I've grown another foot.

So all those extra socks you sent will be very useful.
Forum: Home Base 01-20-2019, 03:14 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I once had a girlfriend who was a mermaid. ...

I once had a girlfriend who was a mermaid.

It shouldn't surprise anyone I suppose, but the relationship was doomed.
Forum: Home Base 01-12-2019, 02:34 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I read an article the other day about some...

I read an article the other day about some academic or other who had been researching the novels of Bram Stoker.

He deduced that Dracula was only 2ft 6in tall.

Apparently he was an extremely...
Forum: Home Base 01-12-2019, 02:12 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
:D:D:D

:D:D:D
Forum: Home Base 01-11-2019, 02:47 PM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
I live in a rural area and the farmers are...

I live in a rural area and the farmers are diversifying into a taxi type service using tractors and potato wagons.

It's called Tuber.
Forum: Home Base 05-28-2018, 08:40 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Don't start me on 'your' and 'you're'... ...

Don't start me on 'your' and 'you're'...

u96yOj3iz4I
Forum: Home Base 03-30-2018, 04:38 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Gran's 'wise' advice actually total bollocks

63533



Given that the badgers resident within the bounds of one's ancestral pile outnumber the humans, I've yet to lose any item of laundry to them.

That said, this constant vigilance lark...
Forum: Home Base 02-04-2018, 04:02 AM
Replies: 6,071
Views: 6,067,011
Posted By Carruthers
Wonderful! :thumb: I've had a good laugh,...

Wonderful! :thumb:

I've had a good laugh, two custard creams and a mug of tea. Can my day get any better than that?
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