Passed Away
 

My landlord took his own life last week.

Didn't see that one coming.

I started to post here because I enjoy commenting or giving advice to others. But I rarely, seldom disclose personal information. And yet here I am, feeling confused and empty. He was not a friend of mine, just an acquaintance for the years I've lived here. He wasn't very personable, so I never felt the need to be personable with him. I know him as well as you home owners know your mailman.

But I have been thinking more than I usually do. What motivates someone to do this? Should I feel more sorrow? I don't think I am a terrible person, but I just might be.

you're not terrible mate. If you don't know someone then it's pretty natural not to be too upset by their passing.

I can't answer the question as to why people do stuff like that other than to say that lots of us have low points in our lives where we've entertained the idea in our minds. I know I have, but there was something that stopped me from going ahead with it.

I think that happens to most people. For some though, there's nothing - in their minds - to stop them.

Maybe you can go to the funeral anyway? Or maybe you can just go about your business as per usual. The choice is yours, and your feelings are yours. It's not up to anyone else to tell you how to feel, and there's nothing wrong with you feeling nothing.

I think it's natural to be upset at the death of anyone you know, and suicide is especially upsetting. Such things make us look at our own lives and the spectre of death.

Even if you don't know the person well, I think the stages of grief could apply.

Thats really too bad - people who take their own lives mostly leave a wake of problems and grief for those that cared about them. To me, it is the most selfish act of all. Feel bad that he passed? perhaps, but not the way he did it. Just my opinion - worth what you paid for it.

A homeless guy jumped off my work building a few years ago and splattered in the alley. It made me sad for a day or so. I didn't even know the guy or see the aftermath. Just heard about it and saw others' reactions. That's more messed up. Getting sad over someone you never saw or knew, wtf was up with that?

The real question is, how does this affect you? You have a copy of your lease, right? Any new owner should still be bound by that.

That was my first thought too, to be honest. You'll be a lot sadder if you are unexpectedly evicted by whoever his estate passes to.

a person wonders what is beyond. he has nothing that keeps him here. he goes.

profound Jimbo. I never knew you had it in you. I knew you had a lot of other stuff in you...but not that.

A person is in so much pain they kill themselves. Then everyone talks about how selfish it is. Though it may be, I can just see the tortured soul in some beyond place saying "See, I even fucked that up."

I feel very sad when I hear of a suicide. There but for the grace of god go many of us. Same with homelessness or a million other things that lead to such despair. It's heartbreaking.

I've thought about this, at length, many times. Shawnee123 has named the core reason, in my opinion. When despair overcomes hope, suicide is the result.

Seconding Aliantha's comment. This is a keeper.

When we lived in military housing it was a three story building built in the late 30's, very sturdy. One family had the first floor, we had the second, they were about 2000 sq feet each. The third floor were old maids quarters. Very tall. Our babysitter lived down stairs, about 16 years old, lovely girl. She jumped off the top and killed herself during a large neighborhood block party. I did CPR on her till the ambulance arrived while all the kids and parents from the neighborhood got to watch her die. She actually died a few hours later. I find suicide to be a very selfish act, you get relief and everyone else you know gets fucked by your act. My kids have had 2 or 3 teens commit suicide while they were in high school. One kid hung himself from a tree in the back yard. Everyone took a hit, the kid, the mother who had to come home from work to find him hanging from the tree, all his close friends, suicide is selfish.

If only these people in inexplicable, unfathomable pain would stop and THINK about what a selfish asshole they are. :headshake

Yes, suicide is a horrible, selfish act. It leaves pain in the living far greater than any pain I can imagine. But isn't that just it? Their pain and turmoil is SO great that it doesn't fucking matter who else it hurts?

I hope none of us ever have to go through that kind of pain: the pain of the person who commits suicide OR the pain of those left behind.

But, I'm compassionate and just can't dismiss the selfish assholes as selfish assholes.:sniff:

I don't think people suffering from the kind of depression that leads to suicide can really do that. It just doesn't work.

When it does, it often gets worse. A good friend of mine got notified about a month ago that his ex-wife, who had been suffering from deep depression for years, committed suicide -- police entered her apartment and found her dead of a self inflicted gunshot wound after she hadn't answered the phone for days. While no one will ever be sure of what she was thinking (she left no note), she seemed to not want her new son to endure the pain of her leaving this world, so she shot him to death just before turning the gun on herself.

I know, I was being sarcastic.

I guess I feel bad when someone who has been through all these things we cannot fathom, then in their death even they get ridiculed and beaten down.

That is only because they are selfish assholes.

Yep, you got it all figgered out, Mercy. ;)

Someone is in such despair that they are prepared to give up the only thing they are born with (ie life) and you think they should be considering other people's feelings?

Can't see it happening somehow.

The brave can sacrifice their own lives for other people.
The suicidal can only remove their own.

Nicely said, SG.

Anyway Spectacle:

Don't try to pigeon-hole your feelings - you can't help what you feel and what you don't. I would suggest your feelings are appropriate to your relationship anyway.

Last year one of ladies who worked in my local newsagent committed suicide. I went in there a couple of times a week and exchanged the usual pleasantries with her. When told she had committed suicide, first I had to think hard to remember her (two ladies with the same hair colour doing the same job confuse me). And then I was mildly interested, shocking the friend who told me, who thought I'd be upset.

There's enough genuine sadness in people's lies without worrying about borrowing some.

So the first of the month is fast approaching. Does the rent check go to the dead guy? Or does Spec need to track down the new owner and pay him? Damn if I know. I'd probably mail the check to the dead guy. The estate ought to be able to cash it.

My fiance killed himself while I was at work....prepping vegetables...
The worst job I've ever had too...

If you'd like to know why someone would do such a thing....date me...apparently it makes people suicidal. I was thinking about a friend last night who hung himself. He was a very strong person..I think he was confused temporarily and that was enough. I think they all were. I don't think it had anything to do with strength. They all happened to be very strong...Just confused. I think it could happen to anyone now.

Let me add, I don't think just anyone can take others out. They are different.

I've had this conversation with my mother before. As far as we can see it, there are only two reasons to stay alive.
1. Duty
2. Curiosity

Once those are overcome, there is no reason to keep slogging. :2cents:

I'm not now suicidal, but I have been in the past. I still sometimes get a flash through my head of ramming my car into an overpass or some such when I'm driving. It's weird how strong the impulse can be. And I currently have no reason whatsoever to want to do such a thing.

I'm glad someone else posted this. Now I don't think I'm completely crazy.

I didn't say I wasn't crazy.:smashfrea

oh shit, now i'm in trouble!

A friend told me once (and he said he got it from his shrink, for whatever that's worth) that this is, oddly enough, a mental phenomenon associated with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and doesn't actually reflect a genuine desire to be hurt or die. It's more of a mental compulsion to do something because it is there to do, if that makes sense. Anyway, he and/or the shrink also claimed it was far, far more common than most people realize.

(In case it isn't obvious, I used to have thoughts like this casually pop into my head all the time, but they've slowly gone away over the last 5 years or so--coupled with a huge mellowing of my once strong OCD tendencies, but I don't know if I'd go so far as to say for sure they're related.)

Hey, come sit in the ER with me the next time a 16 yr old shoots himself in the head but doesn't die right away. You would be impressed at how many people it effects. And who gets to go back to his bedroom and clean up the mess. Yea, I think suicide is selfish.

I'm not saying any of that isn't true, merc. I think we're talking about 2 seperate things. I did admit it's selfish; I do believe we can't fathom what it takes to lead someone there.

For the record, I too believe it is one of the most selfish acts in life, but it seems we have no Baptists here. Wouldn't they argue God said it was his time? Or does that not apply since he "took" his own life instead of "waiting" for God to call him up. :eyebrow:

And what if you're more curious about dying than about living?

Well, go find out!

Fuck that, when my sister died the priest said that it was God's desire, it was fate. Fuck that, it was the day I left the Catholic Church and will never return. God has nothing to do with the bad choices men make. (IMHO)

Yea....I'm pretty not happy with the Catholics right now, about the same subject.....I was never Catholic but got to hear and experience some of the ridiculousness of it all, for myself.
I'd like to agree and cheers Merc for doing the right thing there.


Sidenote:
Another loved died and his ex wife said it was "all for the best" to me. I said no it isn't. He left a 6 year old son behind that he was very close to. The kid already had problems.......Don't tell me all for the best. (another- god did this- thing)

I should have given her the best case scenario, but I refrained. She did call and apologize...which was nice...but she always was, and always will be a creep. Not just for that....but "all for the best" is what she meant. All for the best for her. Sorry...TMI


I will say in my defense that I was just looking for the "post your pet" thread.
:)