Colonoscopy, Talk about crap!
 

I started this, about my pre-flight check-up today at VA. in my BS thread, but thought more people would see here. I had about made my rabbit-ass-ed mind up not to do it. I was thinking that if I had a ct scan not long ago I was cool and this was just a training day for some intern.
My youngest son met me at VA for coffee and bullshit. He'd just got off work from cardiac unit at another hospital. A RN. He told that I needed this, because by the time a ct scan finds it, your in a world of Pooh. Also He thought me going to VA all time I'd had one.

Anyway The lady told me drinking this S^%t wouldn't be fun.
I have to drink 2 bottles of magnesium citcate starting at 5 p.m. the 27th. no food 8 a.m. the 28th. At 4 p.m. drink 8oz of golytely every 15 minutes. 4 liters.Sound like fun yet?
Said to be sure and grease my lower end with Vaseline or get scalded and have plenty of film for my brownie on hand, stay close to outhouse.
Shine told me he had one, NBFD. but he didn't have to drink all this stuff, only 2 little things he said was named fleet?
Not all fired up over this, but will do it. Wish I could :bolt:

Aw b, buck up, we all want you posting here for a long time. If there's only a 1% chance of finding something, you would want to go through it, early detection being so important.

Think positive about it, you know if you were going to be flown to the moon and had to drink all that stuff as a part of the procedure, you would drink it with joy. Well you don't get to go to the moon. Instead you get to show your moon. But do it with joy anyway.

50 years ago they didn't have procedures like this... they just died early.

Busterb--maybe they'll give you some nice nap-nap drugs before the 'scope! They do that for my mom! :) that is something to look forward to!

I know that stuff tastes like (sorry) ass, but just keep working on it and slowly it will disappear. Did they tell you it was ok to put the stuff in the fridge and get nice and cold? Ask your doc or nurse if that is ok--makes it a bit easier to drink (A BIT, busterb--a bit!)

The prep is worse than the colonoscopy. Be prepared for some discomfort. After it's done, treat yourself to a nice, big breakfast!

Good luck to you buster! Hope everything comes out all right.

*guffaw*

Just a little colonoscopy prep humor there.

I'm given to understand that they'll give you enough happy meds that you won't remember a thing.

I did it knocked out, I think its better for everone involved. good health fella

Well, I was once at a pre-Christmas lunch, and I was the youngest person at the table by at least 15 years, all the others being on the north side of 50. One of the other guys was talking about going in for one in a couple days, and so everybody dragged out their colonoscopy stories. I told them even though I was a youngster and I realized I'd be more interested in the topic when I was older, that I didn't think much of it as a fun topic for lunch conversation.

AHA...you WERE at the kids table!
:lol:

(I crack myself up)

Buster, good health to you!

And when they say stick close to the outhouse, they mean park it, buster, with plenty of reading material on hand. It takes a little time to get things moving, but when they move, boy do they move. Sitting one room away was too far.

And you know what? You don't have to be absolutist about getting down all 8 oz of the gunk every time. I hit a point about halfway through that I was going to spew if I drank anymore. I took less than I should've for the next couple times and then I went back to slugging it back and everything came out just fine, thank you very much.

The procedure is a piece of cake. I woke up in the middle and watched while they took a snip. It kinda tickled! hehehehe

Thanks folks. The procedure doesn't worry me, cause she promised me great class#? drugs. Was worried about the 1:15 hr. drive, too cold to crap in the woods. But not to worry, Someone pm'ed me about that. Thanks

Parts I didn't like was signing a release for them and she told me if they find something bad will call surgery, I surely hope that before they whack on me they let me wake up and have some say so or call you ( my son, he has power of Etc.) ??
Hell I don't know what they'll do. But they best not get me POed. :rolleyes:
On a lighter side they said, clear liquids only after 28 th. Wonder if beer is a clear liquid?? OK I know bad joke.

That magnesium citrate actually tastes pretty good. It's mainly citric acid which is what they use to flavor (and give bite to) sodas like Mountain Dew. It's the side effects of that stuff straight that aren't fun.

I should probably note that I'm strange and love bitter and acidic fruits like lemons and limes. Screw oranges, they are too sweet.

Hey she said I could have Mountain Dew! Am I too old to do the dew, as in one of there stupid adds.

And I thought I was the only one . . .

Depends on how do with drugs. They give you amnesia drugs, so you forget the whole thing, only I didn't. So even if they talk to you about it, it doesn't count because you'll be "under the influence."

Listening to those in recovery it seems to vary a lot. Some are totally incoherent, whereas I sat up just about the minute I got back to my stall. After the shock wore off (their's) they promptly kicked me out. Whew!

Well, it's better to get it all done at once, then you don't have to park on the throne again for a while.

You can see through vodka and gin ... Probably best to avoid it, however.

Oh, and absolutely stay away from the Red Jello, especially since you won't be conscious to enjoy the freaking out. I hear the dye stays in your colon.

Oh I hatehatehatehate colonoscopies. I hate them. Did I mention I HATE them??!! Ok, guess I did.

Had three of them, two sans drugs. The 2nd time the fuggin machine wasn't working right (it blows air into your colon to open it up so they can push the tube in a little further...well the air blowing thing wasn't doing it's job). I thought I was gonna come unglued, seriously. I won't get into any details Buster, cuz I don't wanna scare ya. After they aborted that attempt, they had me come back another time and that time they doped me to the gills, thankfully. I actually had fun that time (stoned out of my mind). I was able to watch the whole thing on TV and remember commenting that it was like watching an episode of Nova. No pain or discomfort that time. Had three polyps removed, which were benign.

The junk they give you to drink is nasty, but I'm used to having to knock back unpleasant stuff like that due to all the blood sugar tests I've had done over the years. Just hold your nose and drink :p .

I'm sure everything will be fine, better to be safe than sorry.

Stormie

Compared to the complete colonectomy, the colonoscopies were a breeze.

Buster, by far the worst part is drinking the damn stuff and getting yer innards voided. The procedure is nothin'. You'll be fine, man.

I've never done recreational drugs (if you don't count caffeine), but I did wake up early from a colonoscopy once. They must have gone heavy on the Valium, cause I watched the scope as he was backing the sucker out and whoa, that was a very weird experience.

Buster, it sounds strange to me that they want you to take the citrate and the golytely both. They generally give me either one or the other -- and these days I know to ask for the citrate. Much easier to down. I would check to make sure they really need for you to do both.

I do a lot of these because of the Crohn's disease. People with Crohn's disease are more prone to colon cancer, so I get one every other year. Better safe than sorry, I figure.

Good luck, Buster.

I just received word this morning that an old friend of mine passed away on Sunday...from colon cancer, diagnosed too late to treat effectively. Bill was a wonderful man, a talented artisan, and a significant figure from my misspent youth, and the world is going to be a poorer place without him. So, all you middle aged men get your asses (pun intended) to the doctor and get your innards checked out. Doing so saved my life, might have saved Bill's, and could save yours, too.

I'm sorry for your loss, Elspode.

I'm so glad my mother makes my dad get the necessary tests done, otherwise I don't think he would. A mammogram caught my mother's breast cancer early, so dad listens when mom tells him to go do his not-so-fun tests. Listen to 'spode, peeps...

My mother's father died of colon cancer so she does her check up and makes dad go as well. My mother had one about a month ago, I got out of the house during the preparation process. I did take her to the doc though...she had about 4-5 polyps removed, none too bad. The doc was telling me that, because of having to remove so many, she couldn't have solids that day either...she was waking up from anethesia and heard the part about the food...she was not happy. My dad has a colonoscopy tomorrow. I mentioned in another thread (i think) that my mom uses a peri bottle to clean afterwards so that she doesn't get so irritated from wiping...good idea I think. Some doc's might give one to you when you sign up for the treatment, but you could probably ask for one or find an alternative. Its just a bottle basically, a spray bottle might even work.

Ho Ho 30 minutes to go till first drink of the nectar. The nectar that cleanse the palate and downward. :smack:

Ah, good times.

Whoa! Isn't your procedure on the 29th? Why are they having you begin so early? This means you're going to have TWO miserable nights before the procedure!
Oh, I don't envy you at all. Pull the tv into the bathroom, or keep a good book/mag in there...
hh

Finished the gal. of Golytely, not too bad. Must say business has picked up since around 5 PM. Only up twice last night. But tonight will be busy.

have plenty of film for my brownie on hand?

That must mean toilet paper? That's pretty fucking funny, I'll have to tell that to my classic camera pals.

I can't do the golytely. Makes me hurl.

I'll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow...
hh

Good catch 3FT.
Thanks for all the comments, advice. They really don't apply to the VA.
The drinking the crap was the best part of deal. This is 2nd time they've hurt me. VA is tight with any meds that you can become dependent on.
First time was a few years back when they did an Endoscopy and rammed the rubber washers down my throat. Nurse said, sorry couldn't give me more meds as was running my BP up. Demerol??
Today they gave me a little of something and started rooting around till I came about 2 feet off table. Then they knocked me out. Was over when I awoke. But they forgot to let the air out.
They must have cut the wrong dude lately. They asked my name. DOB and SS # ten times +or-. BTW all is well, if she knew what she was talking about and to right person.

Well hey, glad to hear that all is well, at any rate!!

When do you find out the doc's opinion of what they saw when they looked in there, man? Or was this just a routine inspection?

EL. That'll never be routine for me. My first. Nurse said all was OK. I filed a release of info. before the test. So should have it in a week or so.

Glad everything is OK, buster. You'll be all recovered in time to overeat for Christmas :thumb:

Glad to hear everything came out well in the end.

And as usual, for all the good those suppositories did you, you might just as well have stuck 'em up your ass...

Hey, quit givin' Buster a bunch of shit. He had enough trouble purging himself of what he already had.

Good news, Buster.

Now for the paper work! They hung the thing up at 60 Cm, which is about 2 feet.And they gave me a class 3 butt hole. What ever that means. May or may not requiring surgery.
Hey "The moon is blue."

Va 1/29/07 for Radiology-BE opt. Folks, I think that stands for breaking & entering. Be damn glad when this class of butt hole Dr. graduates. They keep poking around will either f!@k something up or think the found some bad shit.

Good luck Man, hope this is the end of it. :thumb: