insidemyhead
 

it's dark

punctuated by flashes
of pain
of insight

the scars are covered by the darkness of forgetting

I will have closure when I sew shut the wound in my soul, but the amputation will last forever.

you stand there, watching me, listening to me.

afraid of me, afraid for me. apart from me.

fascinated. horrified. repulsed. compelled.

you catch your breath, you retch. ohh, that's broken forever.

how strange!

I feel the warmth of the dripping trail, but not the cold edge making it.

BigV - you're scaring the crap out of me. The only reason I haven't called 911 is because this is the Creative Expression forum*. Let me know if that's something I need to do.


*also the fact that I don't know where you live or any other useful details

pain

there's so much of it, it's everywhere, it's on everything!

Nothing will ever be clean again.

it soils my thoughts, it stains my friends.

and



it hurts.

watching my thoughts stroll by....
casually looking back at me.
I wonder what they think of me?

that's where I live?
I came from there?

V - either I have missed something or you're not spillin'. I know your wife had a "scare", it was not cancer. Have other developments occurred, that you are not sharing? The last few posts have been a little bit perplexing. You don't have to "share" everything, just maybe a clue as to what's going on.

I'm falling. I'm alone.

It is the end. I'm alone.

Still, all is still. I can't move.

I'm alone.

BigV, what gives? Are you okay? Please?

BigV, whatever situation you are in (I have a vague recollection that you may be considering a breakup?) I hope you know we're here to listen/advise/just nod, if you want to share.

I echo Pie's concern. Are you okay?

no one is for me here.
no one is here for me.

all demand of me.
wife
son
boss
sister
mother
court
work

there is not enough of me to go around. I am last.

by the time I am to be served, the plate is empty.

my mistake is that I am on the menu and not on the guest list.

add aunt.

last bridge burned.

"Let the bridges we burn light our way forward."
:D No j/k.....

It's o.k. to be last Big, but start demanding some respect for your efforts. I feel like I'm in the same spot sometimes...Respect and common decency can cure a lot that ails.....

People forget...and that's ok. Remind them.

We might be able to say more than, "There, there" if you'd be a little less poetic and a little more direct, V. If you don't want to mess with insidemyhead, then put it in a different thread.