under-freakin-statement of the century.

Please help me get there from here.

The writing thing, that sounds good. Are you also suggesting that I show her this writing of mine?

rsvp, tia.

I don't 'know' BigV, but I'm pretty sure his wife has been told this, and much more. If I remember right, he's even invited her here to check the place out.

Maybe writing things down so that she can read (and re-read) them at her leisure isn't a bad idea. Start a notebook that you can pass back-and-forth? Maybe taking the time to write thoughts down can help clarify exactly what is meant, and the other person can take the time to digest the thoughts without someone staring them in the face waiting for a reply...

Sometimes I know what I WANT to say, but in the heat of an argu, I mean discussion, the words just don't come out right. Once alone, I can compose myself and figure out what exactly is bugging me.

More often than not, I have mentally composed a post here at the Cellar, and that has helped me work through something IRL.

There are many good things about writing to each other, even if you share the same house/bed/life: you can't be interrupted, you can explain clearly what you mean, your writings can be read more than once in order to be able to calmly understand them. You posted that your wife was making you happy recently, that's great, she is there for you: suggest the writing thing to her.
I've just remembered you have to be BigV and strong for your family - maybe in writing for them you can put that to one side a little, whereas in a conversation that is harder to do?
Have you shown your wife this thread?

The IT guy at work is having the same difficulties....I just told him the same thing...

Make some dinner...find some alone time with your wife...tell her that you guys are going to do an exercise...Write some of this stuff down on paper and let her read it. Reiterate to her that during this exercise no one is allowed to talk. She can read it...and write responses...she can write her own stuff...and you may respond. It becomes a dialogue...It may be rough at first...but my husband and I have argued in this manner and action plans and changes tend to be the result. Everything looks a little different on paper...and the tough talk tends to simmer down really quick. Let her in...And she may need to let you in too....Of course I'm on BigV's side...but all this airing out serves no purpose unless the appropriate people get the message. This writing exercise is intended for people who want results..write down what you want. And let her do it too.. maybe she's lonely. Either way she needs to know how you feel.

:D

Don't quit writing until you guys have come to a negotiating point that suits you both.

how long have you been sitting there? hiding in my blind spot, dripping poison in my ear?


you're never far away, are you?
why must you follow me around?
you have no place in my celebration of life.

I know that's untrue. you define the boundaries of life. I don't like thinking about you. I know I can't ignore you, I know I can only evade you, not avoid you.

you are not welcome here. you are not welcome now. stop talking to me. you look ridiculous in that black robe. a scythe? seriously? go. away. your time will come, but it is not now. I did not call you. I will find you when I need you. I am busy with my life now, and I have no time, no energy and no desire for you at all.

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. If there is anything I can do to help? I can listen. I am a good listener.

my friend



I have a friend and he is a great blessing to me.
we talk, every day.
we meet, every day.
here, insidemyhead.

he is a superb listener, paying attention to what I say, and knowing which parts to let pass right on through, unremembered. he isn't shy about interrupting though. he knows when to derail a train of thought headed toward disaster. I wish you all had a friend as good as him.

he knows much about me, but doesn't pretend to know everything. he leaves room in the conversation, in our relationship, for things to move. I often ask for his advice, seek his wisdom. he has had many experiences I have not had, yet. he is modest and candid. he knows what I am going through, now. he knows from his own experience.

he has set a good example for me, one I sincerely wish to follow. my actions and results will be my own, I know. I am happy with that. but it is nice to have such a good model to guide me.

he has taught me many things, especially about myself. things that are true that I have not known, or acknowledged. things that I need that I have discounted. he has told me "this will happen" and "that will happen" and then, it happened. his credibility is immense. he has been right so far on all accounts. and his long term prognosis is embarassingly positive.

I am so grateful he is my friend.

Hey good to see you Mr V. You sound positive too. I think I like this side of you.

Can I borrow your friend? He sounds like a positive guiding force, without being forceful. I like this V too.

I just stumbled upon this thread. V, thought I'd let you know I really like your "poem," the beginning ones. I can feel your words, very expressive. Just wanted to let you know, that is all.

I am sooooo horny after reading all this...

In my mind's eye, I see you crouched at the water's edge. You are wearing a lightweight cotton dress, white. It glows in the light of the three quarter moon. Your magnificent hair is haloed by the reflection of the moon on the water. I cannot see your face, but your whole body is smiling. Your aura shines with happiness and contentment.

It is a pleasant sight.

I love this.

trapped in a room full of broken losers

trapped on the inside.

unwilling, sullen, uncomprehending sheep

law abiding sheep.

smart, functional, capable adults

chronological adults.

a little wine, soft lights, new parents

biological parents.

soon to be former spouses, pre-singles

single parents.

wow. ouch.