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Old 10-19-2005, 10:32 AM   #1
Trilby
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Why do I feel SAD?

I am certain that I am my own worst enemy. There is NO reason at all for me to feel sad, but I do. I love this time of year, school is going well, I'm not in the poor house yet and there's all these cool new smilies. I'm doing, for the most part, what I want; what I've wanted to do for a long time. Why must I muck it up with this melancholy? I was sitting in class yesterday morning, with all the 18-20 year olds, thinking, "what the HELL am I doing here? I look ridiculous! I'm no kid." And, I think the kids sorta resent the older students. I keep my mouth shut, but you can see them roll their eyes when a 'non traditional' student contributes to class discussions. What am I trying to prove? I feel dismissed before I've even begun...

I feel sad about the professor--the one I love(d). I miss him. I miss that fantasy. How can you miss a fantasy person?
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Old 10-19-2005, 11:25 AM   #2
plthijinx
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maybe you should try Cymbalta i know a couple of people who've tried it with positive results.....
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Old 10-19-2005, 12:04 PM   #3
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Well Bri I'll tell you one thing, students who are in school to learn and conciously beter themselves, really do appreciate it when a "non-traditional student" contributes to the class. Students from an older generation than us youngins can have valuable and worthwhile contributions to class discussion because they have seen more and lived through more in their longer lives. Every time a "non traditional student" shares an opinion or some insight into whatever subject matter in whatever class (there's at least two in each of my classes), I find it to always be very worthwhile listening to, because they actually have something to say and are usually more adept at backing themselves up.
I honestly think that you shouldn't worry about the students that roll their eyes at you, they're the ones who aren't getting what you are out of their education. You'e spending good money to go back to school, so don't let the idiots discourage you!! Learn what you wanna learn and let the eye rollers keep rolling, cause they're going to be the ones working for you one day!
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Old 10-19-2005, 01:15 PM   #4
wolf
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The only "non-traditional" students that kids in class resent are the ones that are there just taking up space ... particularly when they know their best friend wasn't able to get into a particular class with them, but the senile 75 year old lady with the dead hearing aid batteries did.

Why, yes, I am describing a real life situation, as a matter of fact.
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Old 10-19-2005, 01:59 PM   #5
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I used to feel the same way about the non traditional students. I remember one person in particular who was a great guy, smart and fun to be around, but because of the fact that he was like, 35, I avoided him because I didn't want his uncoolness ruining my chances with (whatever girl I was crushing on at the time). I ended up being semi-rude at one point. No, totally rude.

I regret that. Didn't realize that when I passed the age of 30 I'd still have feelings. Kids can be dumb.
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Old 10-19-2005, 02:24 PM   #6
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I always had respect for the older students in my college classes--except for the ones in my Radio-TV-Film classes. It is just a simple fact that you cannot "break into" the film business when you are 35-40 years old. You have to slave on other people's projects, for free, for years, and only after 10-15 of those years do you have a shot at getting anywhere real (and "real" is "making a living," not being famous.) Even if they somehow could afford to work for free like the young idealists, no one's going to use a 45-year-old with a family when they could get a 22-year-old who is ready and willing to live on caffeine and work 18 hour days.

But any other major, yeah, I thought it was cool of them to decide to go back and change their lives like that.
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Old 10-19-2005, 04:29 PM   #7
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1) Don't worry about the opinions of 18 and 19 year old kids. They don't know dick.

2) Think where you *might* have been but for some perseverence and a couple of lucky breaks.

3) Be patient. Mr. Right, or at least Mr. RightNow will come along soon. You don't want to be a head case or drama queen when he saunters by.

Chin up, Bri. You're on the right path, it just takes some time.
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Old 10-19-2005, 05:28 PM   #8
Trilby
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I am feeling downer and downer. Just back from the BVR...I was tested at the end of august to see how smart I am--appears from the AllKnowing test I took that I am incapable of learing, poor at reason and logic (yeah, I knew that) and since i've got that felony (they didn't hear me when I said i'd gotten treatment in lieu of--) I might as well forget it and crawl back into my hole.

Well. That's about all I feel like doing. I WANTED to be productive---I'm just too stupid and criminal.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
—James Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 10-19-2005, 05:59 PM   #9
BigV
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I don't know what BVR (bureau of vocational rehabilitation?) is, but I do know that a test is like a map. It's one perspective of reality, not the actual reality. I could give you a street map but it wouldn't help you find the hills and valleys in the city. I could give you a topographic map, but it wouldn't help you find a good teriyaki joint in the University District. I could go on and on and on but you already get my point. You don't seriously believe for a moment that you're incapable of learning, right? I doubt that was what the test results indicated anyway.

Poor at reasoning? Poor at logic? Maybe, but I haven't seen evidence supporting that conclusion. You could be sandbagging on us here. You could have your posts ghostwritten. I don't know. But a test isn't really the definition of being productive. Or smart and law abiding for that matter. There's a reason we have non-capital sentences shorter than life imprisonment. Because at some point the debt has been paid. Perhaps not forgotten, but retired. Past tense. We all live in the present, though, and progress by facing the future. Come out from your hole and continue forward Brianna.
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Old 10-19-2005, 09:36 PM   #10
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Come on, Brianna! Weren't you telling us all in another thread that you got an A plus on your English paper? Doesn't sound like someone incapable of learning to me! And so what if a bunch of little 18 year olds who need their diapers changed cop an attitude because you can participate more intelligently in a class discussion than they can? Screw 'em!

And a lost dream is still a loss. Its O.K. to grieve it. The dude sounds like a horse's ass, anyhow. Grieve the loss and get mad as hell at the son of a bitch who led you on to live with him in hallucination world. Anger can be wonderfully life affirming at times. Just ask me. I've made it through the past few months just on sheer rage produced adrenalin alone!

Check with the courts and see if you can't have your record closed. Sometimes they'll do that, depending on the circumstances. There are also employers out there who will specifically hire people with a felony in order to give them a second chance. Your local voc rehab folks should know of such programs in your area. Almost every state has such programs.

There are any number of medications available for depression, as I'm sure you are aware. Consult your doctor. If you are taking an anti-depressant, obviously its not working and you need to switch. Also, consider getting EMDR which will help you with any symptoms of PTSD you may have.

Hang in there, girl!
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Old 10-20-2005, 12:50 AM   #11
Tonchi
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Bri, don't you even talk about giving up, I know you are worth more than that. They gave me one of those career aptitude tests in high school once and the school counselor said the only thing I qualified for was a watch maker!!! Now where in the world did a category like that get into a testing guide for the United States!? When I went into Real Estate I had to take a whole battery of personality and aptitude tests all over again and I actually recognized some of the questions. When the guy reviewed the scores with me, he laughed and said "This says you should have MY job." I looked at him and said, "You don't think in 40 years I couldn't memorize these answers?" That's what life is, Bri, it's watching the answers go by so many times that one day you will be the only person in the room who has heard them all, and then those teenage snots will have to stand aside and let you through

Something else I thought of that you should definitely do, and that is get a thyroid test. The symptoms you describe are very typical of thyroid or hormone level problems too. Do not ever assume that life doesn't go right because you are somehow inferior, a huge percentage of the time the root of the problem is medical.
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Old 10-20-2005, 01:23 AM   #12
wolf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna
I am feeling downer and downer. Just back from the BVR...I was tested at the end of august to see how smart I am--appears from the AllKnowing test I took that I am incapable of learing, poor at reason and logic (yeah, I knew that) and since i've got that felony (they didn't hear me when I said i'd gotten treatment in lieu of--) I might as well forget it and crawl back into my hole.

Well. That's about all I feel like doing. I WANTED to be productive---I'm just too stupid and criminal.
Those kinds of tests don't determine how smart you are.

Vocational testing looks at a broad range of categories, some informationally based, some endorsements of preferences, and tries to fit people's answers into some established categories. Most vocational rehab programs are designed to put people into rather small, low-skilled boxes. The tests aren't made for folks with brains, initiative, or desire to excell at anything! They tend not to be very good at figuring out if you should be a physician, lawyer, teacher, but wow, they have a pretty good success rate at singling out the janitors and that guy who wears the leather apron and sweeps the parking lot at Denny's.

You got a motherfucking A+ on your Virginia Woolfe paper, baby. THAT says a lot more about you and your abilities than some damn scansheet where you filled in some circles.

And in case you were wondering ... We have felons working for us at the hospital. Some we knew about beforehand, some we discovered accidentally because we were playing with the Criminal Defendent Database that the county had put online.

Don't sweat it. You're not a leper.
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Old 10-20-2005, 01:25 AM   #13
wolf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marichiko
Also, consider getting EMDR which will help you with any symptoms of PTSD you may have.
EMDR is crap.
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Old 10-20-2005, 01:48 AM   #14
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Yea, what Wolf said !

Also, I served jail time, changed my ways, and got a promotion at work. You can do it too. Keep on truckin' and doin the right things. Progress, not perfection.
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Old 10-20-2005, 02:04 AM   #15
Rock Steady
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Well, anti-depressants (eg, SSRIs Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, and Celexa) are very tricky indeed. While I was on anti-depressants, at an AA meeting a woman was speaking about how she was on them and she had several instances where she felt "like she needed to jump out of her body" and fought off temptations to relapse. I felt those sensations too, only while I was on anti-depressants. I gave them up two years ago, and felt better since. Your mileage may vary.
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