The Cellar - What might be making you a tad apprehensive, but might not, as it's too soon to tell

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So this cow orker just came into my office to tell me she thought she was coming down with the flu and needed to go home because she felt terrible. She wanted to get my reassurances that everything was going to be alright and that we would be able to cover for her if she went home. She sat in a chair 5 feet from me for about 5 minutes to get these two thoughts out. And she broke down in tears about half a dozen times. She's always been a talker (in a bad way) and has used me as her therapist. It's all fine and good, but get your damn contagious ass out of my office. I said three times that we didn't want her staying at work and getting other people sick and that she should go home now and she didn't get the damn hint to get out of my office. I never said the words "get out" but I was screaming them in my head the entire time.

So she didn't cough or sneeze, and the door remained open. My office is small, about 8 by 10. How likely am I to get sick now?

I bet not. As long as she didn't sneeze or cough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey (Post 850515)

I don't view mental health issues as not having my 'big girl panties' (an abhorrent phrase anyway) but I'm going with the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you were trying to be funny. :)

Big O' Wig says we will meet next week to discuss the issues I've brought up in the past, and see what we can do to make things better.

Thanks everyone.

Maybe my Arrested Development, Interrupted, was not only what I needed (to stay alive) but was also an eye-opener here?

I'm confused. So you were going commando at work? And that's why you had to leave? How did they know you weren't wearing underwear? Shouldn't the dress code only cover what is visible? You could have been wearing spanx, for all they knew.

I missed a key plot point.

She was wearing a thong ;)

Imma lil late, as usual, but still glad you are doing well/better/whateverthePCfuckingtermistowishyouwell and be happy for you.

{{HUGGZZ}}

Thanks buddy.

The torture isn't over yet. The Swooper is still effing with me big time. The difference now is I just keep doing my work, smile, say yes or no in the right places, and I don't let her get to me. Whatever happens will happen but I hope it happens soon.

I am in a good place though. My breakdown seems to be just what the doctor didn't order, but it sure helped me with perspective.

I remember to breathe, I remember to walk if I feel anxiety mounting, I remember to write it down if need be, and I remember it ain't nothin' but a job, and it ain't worth my life or even my little bit of pride.

But they make the move. I won't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey (Post 850861)

this sounds smart, you sound good here. I'd like to add something. about who makes the move--let them make the move if you want, you make the move if and when you want, whichever. But. I would urge you to PREPARE to make the move or have the move made by them. Being caught flat footed is an avoidable problem, and it's got the potential to be a big problem. Avoid it by being prepared, or at least minimize it. You're smart, you're on your feet now, you'll be on your feet no matter what happens.

Thanks V.

I have been preparing, in one form or another, for a very long time. Stacks of documentation from months and months, for starters.

I am prepared, emotionally, for them to make a move. I will not do it unless I have found something else: I need to think about a few monetary issues that are tightly tied up with 'who does what and when they does it.'

I also have to be very careful not to pile a giant plate of readiness that I have to lug about on my back because those giant piles are what send me over the edge. So I deal with the actual actions as they come, and I have numerous ideas, plans, and avenues of recourse should I need them.

I feel, like, 100 times more prepared to handle whatever than I did two weeks ago, that's for sure.

But it ain't always easy. :1footinfrontoftheothersmilie:

yw.

you really do sound great. that makes me happy. :)

Shit yeah, I'll have whatever Infi's having.

I don't know. Scratch that. Reverse it.

I just got another big fuck-over about my paid time off. Time I've earned. I have crafted a letter to HR and will send towards the end of the day. I walked outside because I knew there was going to be no way to absorb this latest jab and not get a little weepy (and that I have a horrible head cold which makes me weak and weepy anyway.)

The gist of my letter is about overtime I never received compensation or 'comp time' for (while everyone else in the office made money hand over fist...consider making 55g/year and getting your hourly wage of that time and a halfed...one cow orker felt it was 'sinful' but it set her up nice when she finally got forced out, and I am a pay grade lower and still PROFESSIONAL staff just like them) and about being harrassed because of my illness (which the job as it is exacerbates) and the complete disregard for my FMLA that I did to save my ass. And who the fuck does it matter to if I use earned vacation time (I have 220 hours) except to ME! It only hurts ME! And I can't ever use it because there's always too much to do then I make myself sick with worry and anxiety and end up using sick time...never ending circle. And to top it off, I reported 15 minutes late one morning (it was actually about 8 minutes after 8) when the traffic was bad and was told I can't use my PERSONAL time to cover that and I need to take it without pay.

My letter is a bit more professional than that, but it is by no means unclear in its purpose.

It's as bad as it can get. I may turn in my resignation tomorrow. I will have to give 30 days to get my vac pay paid out, and I will have to fight for unemployment (prove they made it impossible to stay) and I will lose my insurance...

Why don't they just get it over with? I'm broken, I'm trying to mend, and they keep kicking me.

I wish I wish I wish I could tell them to shove the job, but I have nothing/no one to fall back on. But I'm regressing, inside. I'm scared and hurt again and my coping mechanisms are falling far short of helping.

illegitimi non carborundum

From personal experience I can tell you that when you are living or working with crazy people who insist that they are normal, it makes you begin to believe that you are crazy.

Keep reminding your self that it's them who are crazy, not you.

I just feel completely without hope, here.

I need to sleep on it. See how it feels tomorrow. Can I PM a copy of my letter to HR to a couple of you so you can tell me what you think?

Wow. Just. Wow.

Sure. PM it to me and I'll take a look at it.

I'm no employment law expert, but I'll give you any thoughts that I have.

Just remember that if HR is the enemy, you may be giving them ammunition with any letter you might send them, so be careful.

this is the scut work of preparing. you're doing it. it's happening right now. fuck. left foot. right foot. left foot. right foot. left foot. right foot.

keep your head down and your feet moving. you're making progress.

I am in a town hall meeting the pres gives. Will send the pm when i get back. I will respond to them, in due time...not react as they want.

I just want it all to end, honestly. This is just too much: too disheartening and too destructive to me.

Update:

I sent the letter and got a rather canned response from HR, but some conversation took place because I was presented a reasonable compromise on my paid time off.

If I leave here at 5 still employed I will consider it a small victory for me, and for what I've been willing to do to get better, and to make things HERE better.

ANd it ain't been easy. I'm such an emotional and reactive person, but I've amazed myself the past few days with how well I've been able to employ the things I worked on in the bin (and I worked very hard) and I hope things only go up from here.

If not, I'm OK too because I see what I am capable of. I don't feel so damn useless and unloveable and icky.

And, as always, they can kill you but they can't eat you.

Once again, thanks to everyone who has supported me through this (sometimes you realize who really cares even when you think they don't and that some really don't even when you think they did and it's all OK either way, you know?) It was (and is) a doozy of a trip for me and I wouldn't have fared so well without caring people in my life.

Hooray for the reasonable compromise! Good job standing up for yourself.

Looks like you're hanging on OK on a rather bumpy ride, Infi! And it sounds like you've got a better handle on you and your capabilities, too. Good luck!

Sent by thought transference

Belting out the park again, Infi. Well done you :)

Hope it continues to go well for you, infi. Let's give that gal 100 bonus points for her spunk!

Shaw,

umm....

Hug.

Thanks guys. :)

Had my first appt with my therapist (not my psychiatrist) and I like her. She focuses on outcomes and goals rather than laying (lying? I can never get that one right) on the couch having your head patted and your hand held. I think this is really going to be helpful.

It was a rough weekend (sick most of it, my tonsils had turned to pieces of quartz it seemed) but I feel really good now. Self-talking is helping. Remembering to breathe, stopping negative thoughts by talking through them (in my head...hahhahaa) and not assuming everyone is thinking I'm a big giant loser...all good things. I mean, they may or may not think I'm a big giant loser but I have no control over that, right? ;)

Therapist also wants to work with me on some career assessments! Imma be like the Grandma Moses of whatever I end up doing.

You've all been so kind. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey (Post 851374)

Thanks guys. :)
....

You've all been so kind. :)

This all sounds soooOOOOOoooo good! Excellent.

Glad to hear a positive update, infi! I hope therapy goes well for you. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey (Post 851374)

She focuses on outcomes and goals rather than laying (lying? I can never get that one right) on the couch having your head patted and your hand held.

[Englishteacher] Here's how I remember which is which: Lie is something you do to yourself -- think "I" as in me. Lay is something you do to "a"nother object.

I will lay the blanket down, then I will lie down on it.
[/Englishteacher]

Thanks! I use a lot of those tricks for other words that are easily mixed up but I hadn't heard that one.

You need to try this one as well. To, you know, help you through difficulties.

Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs F, F, I
Mrs C, Mrs U, Mrs L, T, Y

No, I'm in no way you're suggesting you need spelling help. Just my phonics class did mnemonics last week and I can't get it out of my head.

Good luck will come to all whose kindness leaves you without debt.
Karma owes you one.

I before E except after C, or when sounding like A as in Neighbor and Weigh. Or when sounding like I as in Height, apparently, and also the exceptions such as Science and so forth.

Mr. Pun Mr. Chin Mr. Nell, Mr. O
Mr. Punchinello!

Sod the rules, you wanking toss-pots (watching too much Green Wing)

Quote:

The AUE FAQ has an article on the i-before-e rule that attempts to show that the rule is a good and useful one, and that the objections to it may be swept aside. That article was written by an Englishman, the highly respected Mark Wainwright. This page presents an alternative view, written by an American. The 'i before e' rule is usually defined quite differently in the two communities.

Below is an excerpt, with minor editing, from an article posted to AUE Tue, 27 Feb 1996 22:42:07 GMT. It was posted in response to a posting by a Ms Tomlinson.

Links to key sections of the text

(For each link the relevant part of the text is intended to appear at the top of the screen. If you have a large screen this might not work properly.)

Begin excerpt
Extensions to the rule that have been suggested.
Examples of exceptions to the rule.
Exceptions with 'ei' pronounced as in: weigh, height, seize, surfeit, heifer, weird
Exceptions with 'ei' or 'ie' pronounced as in piece
Suggested conclusion
Excerpt, with minor editing, from the 1996 posting:

There was a robust thread on this topic about a year ago. I also participated in an extended discussion of it in the ILink WordPlay Conference a couple of years ago. Both discussions went the same way. People kept piling on more and more qualifications to the rule until it seemed as though the rule might eventually become longer than the list of words that obeyed it.

Extensions to the rule that have been suggested:

Early in both discussions I submitted a list of words that were exceptions to the rule. People then took exception to some of the words in my list, citing extensions to the rule that excluded them. Some of the extensions were:

The rule only applies to digraphs, so words like "deity" and "science" don't count.
The rule "i before e except after c" should be extended to include "except when said 'ay' as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh'".
The rule only applies to digraphs that have the /i:/ ('ee') pronunciation, as in 'piece'. (Note the conflict between this and the previous item.)
The rule doesn't apply to words that are recent imports from foreign languages, such as "gneiss", "dreidel", and "enceinte".
The rule doesn't apply to the large number of plurals of words ending in "cy" ("fallacies", "frequencies", "vacancies", ... ) because in the UK – in traditional RP – "cies" is pronounced with the "i" of "pin", even though it is pronounced with the "ee" of "feed" by most World-English speakers and by younger UK speakers.
I don't think any of these extensions are useful, with the exception of the one concerning "neighbor" and "weigh". If the rule were to be useful it would have to be useable by all World-English speakers, and it would have to be applicable to all words they were likely to use. Even the "ay" extension is not very significant, because it covers only one of the several sounds that the digraph "ei" can have.

Examples of exceptions to the rule:

Sticking for the moment to the basic rule, "i before e except after c", which is the only version I ever heard until a couple of years ago, here are some exceptions I've noted (I've added five of Ms Tomlinson's words to my old list):

beige, cleidoic, codeine, conscience, deify, deity, deign,
dreidel, eider, eight, either, feign, feint, feisty,
foreign, forfeit, freight, gleization, gneiss, greige,
greisen, heifer, heigh-ho, height, heinous, heir, heist,
leitmotiv, neigh, neighbor, neither, peignoir, prescient,
rein, science, seiche, seidel, seine, seismic, seize, sheik,
society, sovereign, surfeit, teiid, veil, vein, weight,
weir, weird

This list could obviously be extended by adding more derivatives of Latin "scire", and by adding inflected forms of some of the basic words listed. The list has "conscience", "prescient", and "science", but there are also, for example, "omniscient" and "nescient". To "eight" could be added "eighty", "eighteen", and "eighth". And the list could be greatly extended by adding the plurals of all words ending in "cy".

(Is someone going to cite a word ending in "cy" that doesn't form its plural with "cies"? I can't think of any at the moment, given that I'm excluding capitalized words from my discussion.)

With regard to the extension added by some people for "neighbor" and "weigh", and the fact that this is only a start toward covering all the sounds of "ei", I have broken down my list according to the six different sounds "ei" had in that list. In doing so I have excluded cases where the "ei" or "ie" was not a digraph. Here is the list as so reorganized:

/eI/ as in 'pate' and 'weigh':

beige, deign, dreidel, eight, feign, feint, freight,
gleization, greige, heinous, neigh, neighbor, peignoir,
rein, seiche, seine, veil, vein, weight

/AI/ as in 'bite' and 'height':

cleidoic, feisty, gneiss, greisen, heigh-ho, height,
heist, leitmotiv, seidel, seismic, eider

/i:/ as in 'peat' and 'seize':

codeine, either, neither, protein, seize, teiid

/@/ as in 'bacon' and 'surfeit':

conscience, foreign, forfeit, prescient, sovereign, surfeit

/E/ as in 'pet' and 'heifer':

heifer, heir

/I/ as in 'pit' and 'weird':

weir, weird

Exceptions with "ei" or "ie" pronounced as in "species" or "seize":

For those people who insist the rule apply only to words where the digraph has the /i:/ ("ee") sound, and excluding words ending in "cies", here is a list of words that have at least one accepted pronunciation with the /i:/ sound:

caffeine, casein, codeine, deil (Scots, devil), disseize,
either, geisha, inveigle, keister (slang, buttocks),
keister, leisure, monteith, neither, obeisance,
phenolphthalein, phthalein, protein, seize, seizin, sheik,
sheila (Australian slang for "girl", not capitalized),
specie, species, teiid

My suggested conclusion:

My last remarks in the ILink discussion were:

"Instead of trying to defend the 'rule' or 'guideline', "'i' before 'e' except after 'c'", why don't we all just agree that it is dumb and useless, and be content just to laugh at it?"

Hey, you want a punch on the chin?! ;)
(that's the way to do it)

At least three lessons a week I have to deal with exceptions to the rule. And in some weeks we hit a bump every day.
We're onto contractions now.
Why does Shall Not become Shan't and Will Not become Won't?

Because it just does. Now shuddup and drink your gin.

Aye? What's the ye say sonny?

Being extravagently optimistic putting this here.
Truth is I am 99% sure I will lose my job tomorrow.

Am telling myself it's not certain (no, just highly likely) and maybe it will be a new start because I WILL get a new job. I coasted a bit after I started volunteering last time, I don't have that luxury now - I'll take any shit offered.

Can't say I believe in luck or prayers, but if you're awake 09.30 GMT, think of me.
I can't post until the end of the day as I haven't let on to the 'rents that anything is wrong. But I expect I'll be done by 10.00.

Ow shit. Keep us posted chika. Good luck.

You are doing the things i do (started working on this in the bin) like to remind yourself to not worry about the unknown, and reminding yourself you just ever know what life may bring if anything does happen. It's been helping a lot but it ain't always easy. :)

And like Wilson Phillips sang:

Don't you know
Things will change
Things will go your way
If you hold on for one more day

And something went my way today. Proof positive! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae

Can't say I believe in luck or prayers, but if you're awake 09.30 GMT, think of me.
I can't post until the end of the day as I haven't let on to the 'rents that anything is wrong. But I expect I'll be done by 10.00.

I'm awake. I'm thinking of you from now until then. Hoping for the best.

How'd you get on chika?

Thinking of you, Sundae.

I wasn't sacked.
But I am on Management Leave. And I will be the subject of an official investigation sometime after half term. I'm still on the staff but not working until then. Can't tell Mum. Am going to have to disappear between 09.00 and 15.20 every day. Bloody hell.

I honestly can't say any more about the situation, because I don't know how thorough these people are and I have been told officially not to discuss this. I can only tell you how I feel, which is bloody awful.

Still. Good blood test results on Wednesday.
Seb (my geeky-cute) counsellor is happy with me, and I'm under 14 stone for the first time in about 7 years.
So if I have to start all over again at least I will be doing it with good health.

And bumped into Tiger's Mum by sheer luck. So she knows, but doesn't know. She will deny any knowledge. I gave her no more info than I am giving you. She used to work in Child Protection so she knows the way these things work. I'm pleased we had a face-to-face conversation. If Tiger is distressed after school (as he was when I was off with bronchitis) she'll understand it better.

Thanks for the support. Am living on a cliff edge until at least March now.
But if I can hammer heavy drinking I can hammer the fuck out of most things thrown at me. Just don't throw any cats.

:-( Good luck, Sundae. Thinking of you.

Would it be easier to tell your mom what's going on rather than live a lie for a month?

No.
Better to live a lie for a month than have something thrown back in your face for a lifetime.
I get where you're coming from, but I know my Mum.

When I was officially signed off by multiple Doctors and sent home from school as being unfit to work, she was still negative. Her two concerns were that I was disturbing her sleep (I had to sleep in the living room, on sofa cushions every night) and that I would lose my job for being off sick. An x-ray and steroids and inhalers and antibiotics later it was decided it was acute bronchitis. THEN she was happy. THEN she moaned to her friends about how the NHS had let me down.

I honestly don't know what I'll do. Apart from stay sober and hope.

I'm so sorry to hear this Sundae.

If you have a month of having to get out of the house, can you find a temporary volunteer position somewhere? Do they have anything like that? It would give you something to do that would make you feel good about yourself, and you could make a difference somewhere.

Do they have things like food pantries there?

I understand about the apprehension about telling the 'rents. My family, when I would talk about my job troubles, seemed to skim over it...effectively saying "need to keep the job...it's just a job...don't screw up this job" or at least this is how I heard it in my head.

When I had my hiatus and I finally called my mom, on the second day, she was very supportive and was glad I was doing something to help myself. When she visited me she said I looked ten times better (face not as contorted with stress and worry?) than I had the weekend before.

You know your mom better than anyone, of course, so do what you need to do. I just hope you find the support that you need. Of course we support you, too. Take this time to explore options, like the things glatt mentioned, you never know where things might lead you.

And take care of yourself.

:comfort:

I think Glatt gave good advice. Do something. Soup kitchen, library volunteer, etc.

Ack, that's tough. Really sorry to hear. :(

Sorry to hear about your difficulties, Sundae. Don't those stupid people who employ you understand that they're putting a great employee thru all this bull for nothing? Sam's prediction: They'll be sorry and you'll have the last laugh!

You could go to the library and work on your manifesto.

Sorry to hear your news, Sundae. I hope you find something you enjoy to fill the hours.

Electricity has been out for1-1/5 hours

Hope you and other Dwellars in the northeast are doing okay, Spexx. The weather map this morning looks like the storm has moved east and is focused along the coast now.

Can other nor'east Dwellars check in? Do people have heat and power?

We didn't get the serious part of the storm here. Looks like 6-8" by the time it clears out. Power is solid.

We had a very long snow fall that was extremely fine and dusty. Only a few inches of accumulation, but very densely packed.

As I've said before we live in a protected valley, 10 miles in any direction and they got much more snow.

about 13°f and windy today. I have to go and see if the rabbit survived. The family is away this weekend and I am ostensibly taking care of Il Rabbitino. I will not bring him inside; he's a shitting pissing rabbit.

doesn't a rabbit that big have enough of a gravitational field to compress his own core and generate heat from said compression? If not, perhaps he's gassy. check for embolism.

Rabbit is still very much alive, despite the 0° temps last night.

fucker.

'Why won't you die???'
Austin Powers

It's as though Il Rabbitino has a lucky rabbit's footfootfoot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexobon (Post 852204)

It's as though Il Rabbitino has a lucky rabbit's footfootfoot.

Yes. Il Rabs is living large tonight. The others have returned and brought him inside since it is so cold outside.

In other news, it looks like my non-existent Visa account has been suspended! Oh noes!

If a non-existent account is suspended does that mean I now have one? Does it work like multiplying negative numbers, or would they cancel each other out and leave me floating in the void?

I'm tempted to open the email at the library and click on the link there...