I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

. . . Then I realized — well, look what's telling me this.

Got some new underwear!

...well, new to me

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked. That is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

What might be making you a tad apprehensive, but might not, as it's too soon ...
 

How is Steven wright not on that list?
Kathleen Madigan?

i had a dream the other night. i was asking someone about Gary Wright. whoever i was talking to said 'oh, that one-liner guy.' i was like, no, that's stephen wright. gary wright did Dream Weaver.

the next day i got into my car and the radio station had just started playing Dream Weaver. seriously. ;)

also, my older bro had emo as the entertainer for a conference. he has pics with him. i'm the envy.

my favorite emo is him talking about being alone at night in the dark. he says he starts singing (in a shaky scared voice): whenever i feel afraid, i whistle a happy tune...

then he hears a voice: thanks, i thought i'd never find you in the dark.

Steven Wright is #12 on my list, as is Eddie Izzard and Lewis Black.

I'm going to have to check out emo philips again

Stephen wright = comedy genius.

The ski lift story was always my favourite. And the one about burglars breaking into his house and replacing all his stuff with exact replicas.

And Izzard I always loved. Just what a guy.

I still use that line. As "Oh crap, someone broke into your house while you were gone and replaced everything with an exact replica!"

That or "everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." Or "you can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

Steven Wright reversed the peephole on his door. He said he could see people coming from miles away. "Who is it? Who is it going to be when you get here?"

Must've watched his stand up routine a hundred times.

Here are pages and pages of his jokes:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/au...en_wright.html

Excuse me while I go laugh for an hour or so!

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
--Steven Wright

Here's a good tagline: Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Here's a clip of emo from my old favorite show: Dr Katz Professional Therapist

I loved Dr. Katz.

It's a small world but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Another great Steven Wright line

Oh I used to love Dr Katz!

Mildly apprehensive, as it's half a world away, but Ebola outbreaks are back.