11/30/2005: Stuck burglar

Today's entry comes from the Smoking Gun, and goddamn it's fun to laugh at moron criminals. In this case, this guy tried to rob a hair salon, but when the cops came, he tried escaping through the back window. I love it when a plan comes together. Sez the Gun,

Bleeding and wedged inside the 9-by-15-inch window frame, Dufield was rescued by Concord firefighters and later booked into the local lockup on a felony burglary rap. His case is pending in Concord District Court.

I'd definitely say that's a 2005 Darwin Award winner right there :lol:

What a jaloone.

Can't be a Darwin winner...he didn't die and remove himself from the gene pool.

Could be an honorable mention, though. He could possibly still be a winner if he decides to commit suicide in prison.

seems like if he got his shoulders through the windows he would have made it. He must be a real lardass. He needs to grow some whiskers. What a dumb sumbitch. But then, what criminal isn't?

I love how he's cuffed although still stuck.

The reverse view might be amusing as well. Shooting him in the ass while stuck would be amusing, but doesn't seem sporting.

Under Florida's castle doctrine, I might have been able to shoot him. Here in Pennsylvania I have to be able to consider him a threat to my life.

In this position he's really only a threat to his own dignity.

This guy is busting into a hair salon? He's risking life and limb and freedom for hair gel? Not me, no sir. They only thing I'd even consider breaking into would be a pharmacy.

For condoms? ;)

They leave him there, cuff him, but put a band-aid on his cut - wierd!

Elspode wrote:

Can't be a Darwin winner...he didn't die and remove himself from the gene pool.

Could be an honorable mention, though. He could possibly still be a winner if he decides to commit suicide in prison.

You don't have to die, just effectively remove your ability to taint the gene pool. Like the moron who used the shotgun as a club and shot his balls off.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

For condoms? ;)

:lol2:

Sometimes I despair for our species.

"You don't have to die, just effectively remove your ability to taint the gene pool. Like the moron who used the shotgun as a club and shot his balls off."

Then there was the guy who put his balls in the ball washer at the golf course. He is out of the gene pool. Cannot find the story, though.

dar512 wrote:

Sometimes I despair for our species.

Don't despair, dar.

We *all* start out completely ignorant, and this guy just suffered the bad fortune to have his ability to get around mature faster than his ability to think through.

Cheer instead the fact that we don't just shoot him and leave him for dead. The cops, the medic, and the photographer represent the species too. Half full, dar, half full.

joelnwil wrote:

Then there was the guy who put his balls in the ball washer at the golf course. He is out of the gene pool. Cannot find the story, though.

It's an urban legend.

Darwin awards are almost ENTIRELY false and made up. More than 90%. Snopes is a wonderful site for disproving crap like that.

mlandman wrote:

Darwin awards are almost ENTIRELY false and made up. More than 90%. Snopes is a wonderful site for disproving crap like that.

Yeah, but people love them anyway. It appeals to the "I may be stupid, but at least I'm not as stupid as that guy" side of all of us.

wolf wrote:

Under Florida's castle doctrine, I might have been able to shoot him. Here in Pennsylvania I have to be able to consider him a threat to my life.

In England, they'd have to make him a sandwich and put a fluffy pillow under the windowsill. And read aloud so he won't get lonely waiting for the Constable. Oh, and a blanket if its chilly.

glatt wrote:

Yeah, but people love them anyway. It appeals to the "I may be stupid, but at least I'm not as stupid as that guy" side of all of us.

Yep. Same reason I watch CourtTV.

Beestie wrote:

In England, they'd have to make him a sandwich and put a fluffy pillow under the windowsill. And read aloud so he won't get lonely waiting for the Constable. Oh, and a blanket if its chilly.

In Sweden they would prosecute the houseowner for injuring this guy. :headshake

Wormfood, that's really depressing. :(

capnhowdy wrote:

What a dumb sumbitch. But then, what criminal isn't?

The ones we don't catch.