The Generic Support Group Thread
I don't start many threads on The Cellar. Mostly, it is because I don't have so much to say that I can't figure a way to append it to an existing thread. However, after much pondering of a recent thread courtesy of Brianna (
found here), I decided that Cellar Dwellars needed a place where they could share their foibles, problems and existential disasters with each other, and possibly receive some sympathy, suggestions or other support for same. I have placed it under "Health", because, after all...isn't it our Mental Health that we need to bolster when we are sharing with others?
In other areas of The Cellar, we often find that those who aren't fat, depressed, unemployed, alcoholic, psychotic, parents of crazy children or otherwise afflicted with the less joyous attributes of this wacky thing we call Life, can be a bit put off by our whining about our woes. With "The Generic Support Group Thread", this is all solved. Those with whine-sensitive sensibilities can avoid this thread and thus save us from being told that we suck when we have something to say about the shit sandwich we are currently eating, without us having to pretend that it tastes like yummy jam and peanut butter. Those who have need of the odd "helping hand" can find safe haven here, and those who don't can continue to project the outcome of the next presidential election.
So...here it is. Piss and Moan Central. Let 'er rip! I'll even start us out:
Beginning last week, my right wrist started hurting like a bitch for no apparent reason. I'm not positive, but I think my chiropractor may have caused it during an adjustment. Now, the current work week is so busy that I have had no chance to get back to his office, and it still hurts. What worries me is that I already have arthritis, and what if this is just a new arthritis-hurty place? Why would it start so suddenly, with no previous symptoms? Has anyone else experienced this?
I think this is a great idea, Patrick! Bitch and moan central - anyone who doesn't want to read "whiney" posts be forewarned and stay away!
I could have put all my "ax murderer" posts in this thread!
Anyhow, I'm sorry to hear about your wrist. Its spooky to start having pain like that for no real apparent reason. Is it possible that you are experiencing some sort of carpel tunnel thing due to all your years of playing guitar? This happened to the ax murderer who ended up all but quitting playing, as a result.
Hope the pain goes away soon and you figure out what caused it. :confused:
I'm not positive, but I think my chiropractor may have caused it during an adjustment.
I'd buy that. My mother took me to a chiropractor religiously as a child/adolescent, as long as I can remember really, and she always told me it was to help my pretty much constant sciatica and back pain. A couple weeks after I finally refused to go anymore, all the pain went away and it has never come back.
I've got tendinitis/bursitis in my left shoulder. Had an MRI and it turned out not to be a rotator cuff tear. I'm very slowly regaining some range of motion using heat then ice and lots of ibuprofen then more ice... Still hurts like hell and have difficulty sleeping :( . I'm contemplating a cortisone injection(s) but am still on the fence about it.
I had some sort of shoulder inflamation/injury, and I had a shot of cortisone with lidocaine. It really didn't hurt much to have it done, and it basically cured my problem. I'd do it again.
I have pains in my joints of my hands (wrist and fingers). It originally started when I was taking typing classes on high school on these small Apple keyboards. The pain can also be in my arms. I've had this pain for years. I've never seen a doctor about it. Normally when the pain gets severe enough I stop doing for a while what I was doing (typing, using a mouse). Stretching exercises with my hands help (sometimes).
Oh yeah, me too. I have utterly severe and chronic tendonitis in my right forearm, and for the last three months or so it has increased to a constant soreness in my shoulder. When I keep my wrist and forearm in one position for a long time, it cramps up. I blame bad mouse position. Never have your mouse in such a position that you have to reach out for it.
Being a frequent computer user as well as a lifelong guitarist undoubtedly complicates my hand numbness/pain/stiffness, but the chiropractic really has helped ease it quite a lot. When I miss my weekly visit, my hands are much worse than they would be otherwise after I've been adjusted.
The problem apparently originates primarily in my lower neck/upper back, and is due to some nerve compression and/or damage. I had a nerve conduction study done a few weeks ago that confirmed this diagnosis. I almost certainly have additional complicating factors such as carpal tunnelling and tendonitis.
My arthritis is under control finally, with hardly any swelling and very few days where I wake up with a joint not working.
But I'm having bouts of depression. This isn't one of the listed side effects of the medicine, but I can't help but wonder. We're talking several consecutive days of not giving a shit -- not doing anything constructive at work, having to take sominex to sleep at night, loss of appetite, feelings of hopelessness. You know the drill. It'll go away after 3 weeks or so, then return.
I'm able to disconnect from it logically so that I recognize it for what it is, so you won't be reading about my suicide. But I need to go to the doctor and see what's up. wolf, you've seen alot of this, diagnose me.
What kind of arthritis and which medicine, MN?
I. Hate. My. Job.
I have had menial jobs before; this isn't one of them. It isn't tedious, nor is it under-paying. Instead, the main problem is that I find myself seething with frustration and anger every single day. This is a desk job where the entire set of expectations put upon me is unreasonable. I am currently running 16 different (tiny) projects. My deadlines are usually less than a week after I receive my materials. The company is chronically staffed at about half of what it needs, and it is my job to "find" a programmer to do the tasks necessary to complete the project. Nevermind that I don't understand the tasks myself, and I am forced to simply present random people with archived code and say "Do you know what to do with this information?" When everyone is inevitably booked for the entire week, I am blamed for not scheduling them 3 weeks ago, before I had ever heard of the project. Then I have to hand the task off to an outsourcing company in fucking Argentina, and ride their asses every couple of hours to make sure that they didn't mistranslate "I need this by 5:00 PM my time zone" as "Eh, get around to it sometime next week, whenever."
One of the reasons we are chronically understaffed is I am not the only one who understands how much this company sucks, and our turnover is ridiculously high. I have been there one year, and there are only 5 people with seniority over me--all executives. (The only reason I made it this long is I've only been doing this shit-work for the last couple of months; prior to that I was merely an audio contractor, and was blissfully unaware of the general workings of the company. But I foolishly thought, "Hey, extra money, sure, I'll take on a few unrelated tasks in my spare time...") In fact, a programmer just quit today. She had been here for a grand total of a week. They made her a counter-offer, and she laughed in their faces and told them she was already taking a pay cut to get the hell out.
But I am essentially trapped, because I am pregnant. When the baby is born, I hope to stay home for an indeterminate number of months/years. I can't just go get another job, because no one will hire me with the understanding that I will be leaving in 6 months. (And no, I won't lie to them. That's the sort of bullshit stunt that gets women hired less often and at less pay than men, and I won't contribute to the problem.) BUT, I can't afford to just stop working entirely right now because I need to save up a buffer for after the baby's born. We can almost live on my husband's salary, but not quite. I could quit working in the shithole and just do temp work from now until then, but it is very hard to tell the practical side of me that it's worth it to get paid 2/5ths what the shit-company is paying me (like I said, they pay me very well. Because they're desperate to keep me.) I figure my only real option is to just suck it up for the next 6 months, and then take my permanent maternity leave and never look back.
So that's my whine-fest. I know everyone hates their job, but I really can't stand mine.
wolf, you've seen alot of this, diagnose me.
Sounds like you're right ... whether it's from the medication you've been given, or your own reactions to the chronic pain (which can be depression or depressive like).
Tell the dude with the script pad.
So that's my whine-fest. I know everyone hates their job, but I really can't stand mine.
I betcha nobody threw shit at you today. And you probably get to take a lunch.
See, somebody's job is
always worse.
P.S.
Try this book.I. Hate. My. Job.~~BIG snip~~So that's my whine-fest. I know everyone hates their job, but I really can't stand mine.
The stress is not good for you or the baby. On the bright side there is a light at the end of the tunnel...and you can see it.
Chill out...if you can meet the deadlines with what they give you, great. If you can't, fuck it, you tried.
If they don't like it, what are they going to do, fire you? Then nothing will get done at all, so I don't think so.
Replace you? Sounds like that's not likely.
Bitch? Tell them why you couldn't do it.
Do the best you can but don't jeopordize the health of you and yours. :thumb:
I betcha nobody threw shit at you today. And you probably get to take a lunch.
Alas, no. Most of the time I end up having ramen out of the vending machine because I inevitably want to sleep later rather than pack a lunch. Either way, I'm expected to walk around the office carrying my food while I work. But it's true, I have never had bodily substances of any kind on me at work.
If they don't like it, what are they going to do, fire you?
That's the one thing I keep telling myself, and it usually works to relax me. I just have to get over that fundamental desire to always overachieve. :)
Please take care of yourself Clod!! Ditto Bruce's advice, and try your best to eat well. That will help both you and your baby cope with the stress. There are tons of brands of frozen dinners that not only taste good but are good for you (Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, Weight Watchers etc.). Don't have a freezer at work? No matter, I regularly forget about mine in my bag till lunch, and they are perfectly fine. In fact they heat faster when they are partially thawed :) Buy some aromatherapy oil and put some on a cotton ball and stick it in your drawer. When you start to feel overwhelmed, stop, open your drawer and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and focus on what's really important... High stress can lead to lots of little complications during pregnancy that might add up to big ones.
Good luck!
Clod - document the heck out of everything for a week. Then put it to your superiors as a cost cutting suggestion. It does cost more to use the outsource people than in-house, right? If that doesn't result in a change, just do your best but don't fret over it if stuff doesn't get done.
It does cost more to use the outsource people than in-house, right?
Nah, because they're in Argentina. We pay them something like US$7 an hour. Now, if you start comparing how
long it takes them to do something versus someone in-house, you might have an argument, but each project is so different it's hard to compare them.
The company's so small, I only have two superiors, and they're both pretty equally responsible for putting us in the situations we're in. But it did get slightly better today: a new programmer was hired who genuinely
knows how to use the application he's supposed to be programming in, and they gave him exclusively to me for the first two weeks. Already this afternoon he solved in an hour what the completely unqualified "programmers" couldn't solve in a week and a half.
Just out of curiosity, is there a support group for people who are addicted to support groups? And is not showing up for a meeting a good or bad sign?
Just out of curiosity, is there a support group for people who are addicted to support groups? And is not showing up for a meeting a good or bad sign?
Are you Marla Singer or Jack? :lol:
Just out of curiosity, is there a support group for people who are addicted to support groups? And is not showing up for a meeting a good or bad sign?
Stewart Smalley could, no doubt,l address this question.
PS--I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, dogGONE IT! PEOPLE LIKE ME!
That's pretty much my mantra.
Are you Marla Singer or Jack? :lol:
hehe! [size=1]Fight Club[/size] :lol2:
Just out of curiosity, is there a support group for people who are addicted to support groups? And is not showing up for a meeting a good or bad sign?
Its funny how some people will make a support group their entire life. I know people who have gone to AA for 10 or 20 years, for example, and refuse to have anything to do with peope not in the support group. Their entire lives revolve around the meetings. Its sort of wierd. :3_eyes:
AA doesn't work for some people. It doesn't work for me. I TRY to make nice and friendly and I end up with someone who comes over for coffee and steals stuff while I'm adding the cream and sugar; OR, someone who is really just interested in Early Recovery Sex (which is, paradoxically, the best AND the worst sex ever.)
I have forsaken AA. Forsooth. I have found my local groups to be judgemental, sick and oh-so self-righteous. I actually hate them. The idea of going makes me want a thousand drinks.
Speaking of all this therapy stuff, anyone been watching Breaking Bonaduce? I am unfortunately addicted to this attentionwhorefest. That guy has got ISSUES, man. His wife's nearly as bad, but she's not the one mugging for the camera.
I have stated before that I do not watch (un)reality television, so no, I have not wasted either time or neurons on this "program."
I don't watch A&E's Intervention, either, but at least the commercials for that look somewhat interesting. I've often wondered what happens in one of those things ... we don't do 'em, try 'em, instruct people on 'em, or whatever.
I have occasionally talked to people that were setting one up, and the only advice I ever give is "well, those things have a likelihood of going downhill very quickly. No, we won't have anything to do with one. You can try the D&A place up the road, though. My only advice is make sure you have the number for 911 handy."
Since this is the support thread...
I have begun losing weight. In the past month I've changed my diet from eating fast food 3-4 times a week (or more) and eating on the run to eating portioned, easy-to-cook frozen meals and recently sandwiches. I haven't weighed myself but I've noticed something: I'm able to get a full notch more tighter in my belt comfortably. My pants are also looser in the legs and butt.
I've cut out soda in-take from 4-6 Dr. 12-oz Peppers a day to maybe 1 a week along with 1 Sprite a week. Instead I drink water at work and at home (I have a cheap plastic cup I re-use at work, we have an ice maker in the fridge of the break room). I now eat a lot of bread, pasta, and rice (Uncle Ben's rice bowls, Marie Callender's meals, and PBJ/various deli-meat sandwiches). My meals seem much more balanced too as I'm finding I'm eating vegetables I never used to: carrots, peas, green beans.
I feel better in general and I've noticed ... well, there's no easy way to put this: much cleaner #2's. I don't exercise at all (I have a desk job at a tech support company). I know I'll have to start exercising eventually but for now I'm happy with myself. It's also cheaper too! I save gas when I don't go out for lunch (I drive a 12 mph gas-guzzler car), save money (I can buy 2 meals for the same price as eating out, and the 24-pack a week of soda I used to go through saves me enough to buy 2 meals), and I save time (instead of going out when I'm hungry when I'm at work or home, I make a frozen dinner or make a sandwich). I still eat out every now and then but I want to eventually cut it out completely except for special occasions.
Awesome! It's especially nice that you are seeing results.
Good work Laebedahs! It my constant challenge, too.
cutting out the pop is a great habit to form. I really dont miss it at all. Just a real coke every now and then as a treat, when it really goes with the food, like once a month with a pizza or something.
Pretzels not chips.
Pick snacks or candy with nuts.
Also, alway eat breakfast, even if you dont feel like it. have a bowl of oat/bran cereal or a banana or a yogurt. It gets your burn going.
Try to park in the far spot, take the stairs, before you know it, you're taking that lunch commute and turning it into a short walk. Clears your head and reenergizes you. Listen to some tunes while you walk, man, to get you movin and groovin.
If you dont mind broccoli or peas, take a bag of frozen veg with you to work and add it to the top of your frozen dinner. What's really good are the tuna cassarole (peas) or alfredo (broc) ww smart ones. The Lean cuisine turkey/stuffing/sweetpotato is great too. There is always more sauce than real stuff in those. That way you get full, satisfied and a great veggie boost to boot.
Lately, I'm really liking Amy's Indian frozen dinners. more $, but big yum factor.
Keep making shifts! and keep getting stronger. Cool!
I have gotten woefully out of shape in the last 5 years. Not having a physically demanding job, combined with the RA and a liking for potato chips and sodie water, has added a good 25 pounds. It's nothing but fat, too. I have twiglike arms and legs, and a beer gut that forbids tucked-in shirts. I'm quite mesmerizing when nekkid.
I need to work out desperately, but when I tried to do pushups the other day, I could only do 2. Two. Not so long ago, it was 100 a day, with 100 crunches. Now, it would take me 12 hours to get 100 pushups done, and I'd be bedridden the next day. Ding! I've identified a possible cause of the intermittent depression -- the knowledge that it will take a good 6 months of hard work to get even halfway in shape. Gah. I hate working out.
Seize the day, laebedahs. While your motivation is up, take full advantage of it -- I'm trying to regain the mindset that you have now, and it's a big leap. I know that once I can make a habit of living healthier, it won't seem so bad. But damned if I can take that first step.
Oo. There's leftover halloween candy on the table by the coffee machine at work. brb.
bit by bit, choice by choice, the littlest things add up.
This mindset is out of necessity. Since my wife has moved out I've had to really cut back on the wants and concentrate on the needs; the frozen dinners/cold sandwiches provide a good balance for that.
Not sure of the best place to put this, so thought I'd stick it here, as it deals with frustration & work problems.
The kitchen at work is driving me crazy.
The office cleaners clean the surfaces, mop the floor & empty the bins every morning. Everything else is up to us. We do have some visitors to the building, but anyone entering has to be signed in (there is patient-specific information here)so they aren't exactly roaming about unaccompanied.
So why does the kitchen get into such a state?
Someone has a habit of leaving mugs with the detritus of Cup-A-Soup on the edge of the sink, filled with soapy water. This is presumably "leaving it to soak", but the mug will stay there for days. Other people subsequently decide it’s a repository for dirty teaspoons. I eventually get hacked off & wash them all up – in the mean time people resort to using plastic forks to make tea/ coffee because there is no clean cutlery.
Other people leave their dirty teaspoons on the clean draining board. How can that possibly be justified in a communal kitchen?
I admit I am frothing at the mouth about this, but its just NOT RIGHT. I can't think how to address it without threatening to install CCTV.
Below is the picture & text of a notice I have suggested the Head of HR puts up in the kitchen. Its far more polite than my feelings.
RECOGNISE ANYTHING?
We are all responsible for the state of the kitchen.
- Every time you do not wash up a spoon, a knife, a fork, a mug.
- Every time you leave bits of your lunch in the sink.
- Every time you use a piece of paper towel & don't throw it in the bin.
- Every time you leave a dirty spoon on a clean draining board.
You Are Asking Your Colleagues To Clean Up After You.
The cleaning staff DO NOT do our washing up
Please show some consideration. We are only asking that you do what you would do at home.
Wow. That's disgusting.
The sign is a good first step.
I think you make a huge mistake when you clean up after anyone else. You are teaching them to leave their mess. If it were me, I would bring my own mug/bowl/cutlery and keep it at my own desk. Wash when done, and put it in my own desk drawer. Clean up any mess you make in the kitchen. Let the pigs figure out what to do with their own mess.
I have it good at work. I was interrupted unloading the dishwasher at work by someone whose office is right next door, she came in and said "Oh, sorry, I thought you were Mike." I said, "Did you mistake the sound of the dishwasher being emptied as your cue that Mike was here?" She said "Yes." Mike is the president of the company. Needless to say, if he's doing it, the example is set that no one is too "important" to "stoop" to doing it. You understand what I mean. We're like a family here, and we all have to work together to make it work. I'm proud to be a part of this organization.
But I have worked in places where this was not the prevailing mindset. Your lower threshold for this funky clutter is a disadvantage for you, certainly. I disagree with glatt's suggestion that cleaning up after others is a mistake. I would add this small modification to your ritual. You could publish this on your sign, if you like.
Clean as much and as often as you feel you need to. But dry the dishes in the garbage can. This problem will disappear sooner or later.
In my office it's a weekly rotating responsibility. The list of names and dates is posted right over the sink, so if it gets even a little dirty, everyone can complain loudly to that person. And that way, even the slobs who don't care if it's dirty yell at other people when they slack off just because they got yelled at when it was their week.
And even better, I'm a contractor so I'm not in the rotation. :)
I'm feeling a lot calmer about it today (I was out of the office yesterday afternoon on training). Thank you for not smacking me with the fact it's a minor thing to get so worked up about.
Perhaps making the sign & having my rant will enable me to ignore the state next time I walk in there. I do use my own crockery/ cutlery that I keep in my desk (and subsequently feel like a student in a shared house using my own toilet paper). I think more than anything its the frustration that other people just can't see how easy it would be to have a spotless kitchen. And how much more pleasant.
Maybe I'll start bringing a flask.
Here in America, we have plastic and styrofoam.
I'll use plasticware, but I won't drink hot liquids out of a styrofoam cup. I have my own mug. It is probably classifiable as a biohazard. I rinse it out occasionally. I only drink coffee out of it, and I think that the hot liquid kills the germs.
I think.
Artwork from my mug:
I agree with Clodfobble. Most offices - actually libraries - that I've worked in had the rotating cleaning system. If it was your week to do the staff kitchen, you made sure it was spotless before you went home each evening or else. The nasty looks from your co-workers and the person coming up to you with a martyred look on their face to inform you that they'd cleaned up since you had forgotten were enough to keep everyone in line about their KP duties. The list of whose turn it was hung in a prominent spot in the break room. You might suggest something like that, Sundae Girl.
Our place has -- or had, I don't go up there much -- a sign in the kitchen that simply read "Your mother doesn't work here. Clean up your own mess, please."
We have a pretty clean breakroom, don't know if it's the sign or not.
Damn you people who have things like breaks and special rooms to go to for them.
We have a small area in the office where the Shrine to the Goddess Caffeina is located, along with a small refrigerator and very micro microwave. There is no sink. We have to use the bathroom sink for things like washing the mugs, and since we're having to constantly wash our hands, nothing gets left in the sink.
One of the midnight guys is obsessive compulsive and loves the smell of Formula 409. He is in charge of policing the coffee area, wiping up spills and suchlike, and is the only person in the office who become frustrated enough by the frost buildup in the fridge to do anything about it. Even then, it does often get left until things reach the point where you can't close the fridge door anymore.
We will all die of massive mold infections if he ever retires.
We have a small area in the office where the Shrine to the Goddess Caffeina is located,
:lol:
Um, yeah, stacey. #1) that's not "fat", #2) you're not bald, and #3) if you don't feel better pretty soon, maybe you should go see a doctor.
Have you or are you now, trying any nicotine replacement of any kind? Gum, patches, lollipops.....could help maybe.
And other advice I recall is changing your routine (and by that I DO NOT mean stop showering and brushing your teeth!), but whatever would be different for you. Taking walks.....and.....well, you know....
Ditto what Brianna said about the fat and bald thing. Earth to Stacey - hello?
As far as the poopy puppy, here's a magic trick that never fails. Its called crate training. You can go to Wally World and buy a pet crate for under $40.00. Keep your pup in the crate at night and when you have to leave the house or are busy doing something that requires your attention elsewhere. As soon as you wake up, get home, whatever, take the puppy out of the crate and put him out doors. When he poops in the great out of doors, praise him lavishly, bring him back in, play with him, spend some quality time with him. Give him a meal, then put him outdoors again as soon as he finishes eating, since puppies often need to go as soon as they eat. Praise his efforts, then back in the crate. Don't keep him in the crate for vast stretches of time, other than at night. Dogs have a natural instinct not to soil their dens and the pup will consider the crate a den and do his best to hold back calls of nature. After a few days of this, he will automatically associate being outside with pooping and being inside with not pooping. I house trained my last dog in 3 days using this technique. It works!
How cruel! Putting the poor puppy in a box. Someone call the puppy patrol. :lol:
How cruel! Putting the poor puppy in a box. Someone call the puppy patrol. :lol:
Damn! And I was hoping that one would slip by. Better get ready to call the humane society on me next month when my own pup arrives, Busterb, cuz she's gonna get crate trained just like the dog before her did! ;)
Crate training is de rigueur among the doggie set because it's the expedient way to success.
They feed their children Ritalin for the same reason. :neutral:
Ooooh, does that mean I should give my pup ritalin, too, if she's too hyper? :lol:
Stacey, if you don't like the crate route, try newspaper training. Yes, pooopy-puppy will need to pee and poo after waking and after meals, so spread some newspaper in a corner and put him there when he wakes and after every meal. Praise and play with him when he performs in the right place as per marichiko's advice. Clean up the newspaper (easier than the carpet), as soon as it's dirty, and put more down. Once he's learned that's what it's for, move it nearer to the door, and then outside.
Or simply take him outside at these times - this'll give you something to do instead of missing the ciggies. Basically, you can predict (near enough) when a pup needs to go - and you seem to be at home enough to take him out when necessary. Eventually he'll get the message and ask to go out ...
And I believe chemical dependence on nicotine is gone after 24 hours without - the rest is habit and psychological (no less hard to deal with, though).
Best of luck.
Words like stressed and sad and depressed describe how you are feeling. You didn't get this way just by quitting smoking.
Go to a psychiatrist.
[SIZE=1]psssst, Wolf! You just gave her [/SIZE] advise! :worried:
We bought a treadmill last month for $600. I've used it twice. When you're depressed it's kind of hard to make yourself get up and exercise, even thought that's probably what would make you feel better.
My mom had the same problem with her treadmill, until she did an interesting thing: She rearranged her room so that the computer was on a bookshelf, at standing eye height. Then she put the treadmill facing the bookcase. So whenever she's surfing or checking her email, she walks. It's not like she has an exercise routine and uses the computer to entertain her while she does it--she just forces herself to walk every time she wants to use the computer, even for 2 or 3 minutes. She says it's worked really well for her.
[SIZE=1]psssst, Wolf! You just gave her [/SIZE] advise! :worried:
Actually, I gave her advice.
C.
A-D-V-I-C-E
Buy a fucking dictionary.
(does that make you more comfortable or at least reassured that I didn't leave my computer logged in at work and someone else posted under my name?)
LOL! That's my Wolfie! Actually, I have a dictionary, but recently, my system crashed and I had to reformat my hard drive, and I haven't gotten around to reloading the dictionary disk.
Besides, I'd miss your sardonic corrections of my atrocious spelling. ;)
Christ, people actually still pay for dictionaries? I thought that's what the internet was for...
Seriously, no one should ever have to pay for porn or reference material ever again.
Actually, my heart's desire is the Oxford English Dictionary - a truly monumental tribute to the English language. The print copy is something like like 22 volumes, almost a volume per letter of the alphabet. The cost of subscribing to it on the Internet is far beyond my pocket, but not my fantasies. :love:
OMG, it's $295 a year for a stupid dictionary. WTF???
OMG, it's $295 a year for a stupid dictionary. WTF???
No comment. :rolleyes:
Do it got ya'll listed? For that money I want the whole redneck works! :smack:
Busterb, you can
contact the OED, and suggest that it be included if its not already. I don't have time to run down to my public library to check, but I wouldn't be surprised if the term were included. You can also get a month's on-line subscription to it for a mere $29.95 which I just might give myself as a Christmas present. Its the only dictionary I have ever sat down and actually read! Its very, very cool and the term "dictionary" hardly begins to describe it!
:hide: Did I spell something wrong or make a grammatical errror? I'm really confused and have a feeling I might be being made fun of, or I might just be misunderstanding what the hell you're talking about...Either way, please explain :confused:
:hide: Did I spell something wrong or make a grammatical errror? I'm really confused and have a feeling I might be being made fun of, or I might just be misunderstanding what the hell you're talking about...Either way, please explain :confused:
From the OED website:
The Oxford English Dictionary is the accepted authority on the evolution of the English language over the last millennium. It is an unsurpassed guide to the meaning, history, and pronunciation of over half a million words, both present and past. It traces the usage of words through 2.5 million quotations from a wide range of international English language sources, from classic literature and specialist periodicals to film scripts and cookery books.
The OED covers words from across the English-speaking world, from North America to South Africa, from Australia and New Zealand to the Caribbean. It also offers the best in etymological analysis and in listing of variant spellings...
As the OED is a historical dictionary, its entry structure is very different from that of a dictionary of current English, in which only present-day senses are covered...
The OED is a wonderful work for someone who loves words and their meanings like I do. I may be rotten at spelling, but I love the history and meaning of the words which make up the English language. The OED gives each word in English a new depth and meaning. The print version contains 20 volumes.
It is far from "a stupid dictionary." But most people wouldn't know this, since few people have ever encountered the OED. It was one of my most fav reference tools when I still worked as a librarian.
From the OED website:
The Oxford English Dictionary is the accepted authority on the evolution of the English language over the last millennium. It is an unsurpassed guide to the meaning, history, and pronunciation of over half a million words, both present and past. It traces the usage of words through 2.5 million quotations from a wide range of international English language sources, from classic literature and specialist periodicals to film scripts and cookery books.
The OED covers words from across the English-speaking world, from North America to South Africa, from Australia and New Zealand to the Caribbean. It also offers the best in etymological analysis and in listing of variant spellings...
As the OED is a historical dictionary, its entry structure is very different from that of a dictionary of current English, in which only present-day senses are covered...
The OED is a wonderful work for someone who loves words and their meanings like I do. I may be rotten at spelling, but I love the history and meaning of the words which make up the English language. The OED gives each word in English a new depth and meaning. The print version contains 20 volumes.
It is far from "a stupid dictionary." But most people wouldn't know this, since few people have ever encountered the OED. It was one of my most fav reference tools when I still worked as a librarian.
Etymology is cool.
OMG, it's $295 a year for a stupid dictionary. WTF???
It's a very large, stupid dictionary.
The average Native English Speaker* uses about 5K words on a regular basis.
I respect the OED. It is the motherlode of wordage. It can be considered overkill, however.
I'm reminded of the very thick book described by Mrs. Premise (or perhaps Mrs. Conclusion) about how to put your budgie down called "How to Put Your Budgie Down." The OED would serve admirably as the book with which to hit your budgerigar.
* According to the
first website I found via Google that actually answered that question. This number may be suspect because they are trying to sell a tool that will increase your number of words in regular usage.
The knowledge trove that is
Wikipedia says that most native English speakers have a vocabulary of about 30K words. The disparity in numbers leads me to presume that the folks on the high end had grandparents with subscriptions to The Reader's Digest.
I'm reminded of the very thick book described by Mrs. Premise (or perhaps Mrs. Conclusion) about how to put your budgie down called "How to Put Your Budgie Down." The OED would serve admirably as the book with which to hit your budgerigar.
.
Damn! It would take you 20 volumes to squash the thing? Why not just shoot it? Remind me to never be left alone in a room with THAT bird! :mg:
Damnnit! I got the blues. I hate this.
I feel very, very lonely and sad. And, I would do just about anything to NOT feel this way. I wonder how staceyv is doing.
Its snowing here. It will quickly turn to rain (experience, not pessimism) but while it lasts its wonderful. I can't spread anything but the words to you as it doesn't photograph well (and you probably get much better snow where you are) but its about the only thing shifting my blues at the mo.
Am going to walk home for once, across the wide & windy waste of the park, and fell glad to be alive. Or cold. Which is the one that makes your fingers tingle again?
Damnnit! I got the blues. I hate this.
I feel very, very lonely and sad. And, I would do just about anything to NOT feel this way. I wonder how staceyv is doing.
I hate that feeling, too, Brianna. Are you on anti-depressants? Sometimes they can work wonders and there's no shame in taking them. We all have tough spots that we go through.
Hope you are feeling better today. :comfort:
--snip-- Which is the one that makes your fingers tingle again?
Funny bone.
It's been windy as [insert euphemism] here for 3 days. I hate the wind. It makes me nervous and sucks the air out of your lungs when you go outside.
[a bean packers convention]
Hehehe, funny.
I have fairly been described as windy.
[BigV]
cute. I sometimes warn my audience that I talk a mile a minute with gusts up to ninety.
:hide: Did I spell something wrong or make a grammatical errror? I'm really confused and have a feeling I might be being made fun of, or I might just be misunderstanding what the hell you're talking about...Either way, please explain :confused:
Nope. I think this dictionarily defined diversion came from a typo of Marichiko's.
Damnnit! I got the blues. I hate this.
I feel very, very lonely and sad. And, I would do just about anything to NOT feel this way. I wonder how staceyv is doing.
My solutions to this situation are
1) get a pet
2) learn to play a musical instrument
3) have a good cry
Perhaps one or more of these would work for you, too?
She sure is a cutie. I wish her good luck and healing for her emotions. Bless you, Kitty, the puppy dog, bless you. :apaw: And, peace.
I'm already getting the
best dog on earth . ;)
I'm already getting the best dog on earth . ;)
Have you consulted with Rikki Tikki Tabby about this new addition to the family (if RTT starts playing around with a crochet needle I'd get a bit worried, if I were you....)
Have you consulted with Rikki Tikki Tabby about this new addition to the family (if RTT starts playing around with a crochet needle I'd get a bit worried, if I were you....)
:lol2: :notworthy
I have hidden all my crochet hooks for the duration, although I did find the beginnings of a mysterious afgan which I promptly disposed of in the nearest police call booth!
Actually, one reason I picked Rikki is that he came from a household which includes two dogs, so I'm hoping he will not be too stunned when the puppy arrives. I've raised puppies and kittens together and never had a problem. It can be difficult when an adult animal must suddenly cope with a member of the opposite species. I think the two young 'uns will sort it out, though. If not, there's always the crochet hooks!
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Aftershocks to follow.
Oh my word - really sorry to hear that.
Good luck for everything to follow.
Wow, BigV. That sucks!
Want to talk about it?
Hang in there.
Really man, hang in, you're one of the good guys so stay cool, all will work out in time.
Good luck V, I hope this turns out to be a good thing for you.
Oh, BigV--I am so sorry. Change is so very difficult, but, for me, even when it's been a horrible bitch, it's been GOOD (in hindsight--)
---look. This sucks so much--right at Christmas. We are here for you. UT is right-you ARE a good guy. Chin up.
Wow, V. That's harsh - right before the holidays. Your profile says computer wrangler. Is this going to be a big deal for you, or is it just a matter of polishing up the resume?
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Aftershocks to follow.
Chin up brother.
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Aftershocks to follow.
WHAT? Oh, my God! I am so sorry! Your employer must be an idiot. Tell us who you worked for so we can send them anonymous hate mail. What a rotten thing to do right before Christmas! The jerks could have waited until December 26th, anyhow. Oh, too bad! :eek:
I'm really sorry, V. I hope this turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Getting a better job is the best revenge. The resources of the Cellar are at your service.
Getting fired sucks. Getting a new job rocks.
Matter of time, BigV, matter of time.
BigV, you're in my thoughts.
Some years back, losing a job was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope that it can be for you.
Holy Shit! Bummer, man. Fired or laid off?
Post coordinates, after your safely clear, and we'll see what we can do about an air strike.....we're testing Apaches all the time.
You're the 5th person that's told me they lost their job this week. What the hell is going on? I know it's W's fault somehow.
This may be your "big break". You sound like you know your computer stuff, have the personality and language skills, plus a good attitude. You'll be OK, I'm sure of that. After the ripples settle down you'll find a better position.
Of course you may choose to be a goat farmer or run Radar's campaign.
Whatever, you'll do it with style......Big V style. :thumb:
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Aftershocks to follow.
Everything they're saying is right on the money. You will work again. This is an unscheduled vacation. Lining up with Advent could be a blessing in disguise for someone who wants to observe the season in a Christian manner. Make straight the way. blessings man it will be ok.
Oh bugger! Good luck BigV. Damn. Shit.
BigV, you're in my thoughts.
Some years back, losing a job was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope that it can be for you.
I echo wolf. I'm living proof also, I just started a good job a week ago after losing a good one a year ago. It was scary and very depressing at times, but right now I feel a lot better about my working future that I have in the last ten years. You'll get there too. (And it wouldn't have been a whole year, but I worked six months in between, at a suck job that I thought would work into a good one....)
It's true, it IS getting tough out there, but you'll make it through this ok. Keep us updated, and if you get bitchy or whiny, ya got a place to vent!
Anyone heard from BigV - no posts since Friday's bad news....
I haven't heard from him and I did PM him on Friday, too...hope all is ok...
Eek..good luck, BigV. Hope you land on your feet. Check in and let us know you're okay.
I am so hoping this isn't a you been on the cellar at work so you're fired story...
Adding to the chorus
Senior V, wishing you the best during this tough time.
The thread killer returns to the scene of the crime.
OK, glad to know you're still alive.....but that post was a tease. :stickpoke
Sorry to hear about you losing your job .
Now whats the skinny minnie ????
Whats the haps chap ????
Whats the deal McNeal ???
Did they catch you surfing for Goat porn again ?????
( just kidding dude )
Tell us who you worked for so we can send them anonymous hate mail.
Hell with that. I'll include my name and address.
I've seen V lurking. Wonder when we'll get an update? :confused:
Yes, I've seen V lurking, too. I wish he would post and tell us he's surviving or going postal or whatever. It always helps to get feedback from your friends, my friend.
And I'm with Patrick, I'd proudly sign my real name and address on any hate mail directed toward your former employer as long as it didn't boomerang back on you.
Speak, Big V! :(
I am here.
I have been unable to completely disconnect myself from this community, though the news was a terrible blow, and I have written very little in the interim. I have been quite democratic in my silence. Practically no one has heard from me. Please do not feel as though I have singled you (plural) out for shunning. I am still processing all the changes the news has wrought.
For instance, just today I had another epiphany: I gave my job away. Certainly an argument for that analysis could be made. That stung. Like when Wile E. steps on the rake and it levers up and smacks him in the face. Only I got the bonus of having the little tweeting birdies shit in my eye as they twittered derisively in their mocking orbit.
*shrugs, inhales deeply, exhales*
No, I'm not bitter.
BigV, BigV-- *hugs*
Everything I write sounds so trite and stupid...but, the Universe loves you and knows what you need. You will be ok.
BigV, having been on the receiving end of a firing that I wasn't expecting, I know something about what you're feeling. I didn't handle it well, and in retrospect, the biggest mistake I made was allowing the defeat to sap my energy. It's okay to wallow around the house in your underwear for a day or two, but the sooner you rejoin society, the better off you'll be.
Do something -- any job. Swallow your stung pride (and this is the hardest part), and find ANYTHING that requires you to wake up in the morning, put on your shoes, and get somewhere by 8 a.m. to work for someone. Not a career-type job, necessarily, but something. You need the ritual, or else a worse ritual will take its place: sleeping till 11, drinking gallons of coffee, smoking bales of weed, surfing the net and playing games until 3 a.m. Or maybe that was just my ritual. But you get the idea.
When you're not working at the car wash/retail establisment/lawnmowing service, get your resume together and spam the living daylights out of every company you can think of. It feels nice to be able to quit the Walmart job to get back into your profession. The important thing is that when you go to interview, you have that aura of confidence and determination....hard to come by if you are slumming on the couch between interviews.
You can pull out of this. Good luck.
You nailed it, mrnoodle. Went through that myself. :blush:
OK, V. So you're going to wait for the dust to settle, you've found a better job and reestablished your self-esteem, before we get the skinny, huh?
Silly wabbit, we love you anyway. :grouphug:
I have mentioned in other threads my behavior regarding high stakes events, like tests, interviews, etc. I get increasingly nervous in the run up to the starting gun, then I'm ok. Like the tortuously slow and inexorable clanking ride to the top of the first hill on a (unknown, possibly unsafe, no safeties--gah, must stop--freakin myself out) rollercoaster, my stress level also rises.
Today I'm riding that train up up up. Submitting first application in a minute (or so).
I think I need to submit the app, *then* come back and post my verbiage for proofing, etc. I don't wish to procrastinate any further.
God.
At the top now, looking down from the front seat. The weight of the trailing cars is only momentarily delaying the inevitable...
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
f*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ck
I'm not hungry, not thirsty, don't have to pee, dog doesn't need walking, not expecting the mail for several hours, don't have anywhere to be or do just right now, and yet I can't get this on paper!!!
I am so frustrated/fearful/stressed that the impression I'll make will be not right enough that I sweat (understatement, that) the details right into a tight hard knot. I am paralyzed by perfection, or my search for it. I can't move. It's fuckin pathetic.
I hope to hell your talking about a resume or application and not a posting. :eyebrow:
Chill, man.
Now breathe...in...out..in..out.
OK, you can do this with your eyes closed. One word in front of the other. Go slow, build a rhythm, a cadence, left, right, left, right......
There, see how easy that is.....you're a natural.......you're... BIG V!
I worked my small smooth brain to the bone last night getting the resume ready for prime time. I *think* it's ready. I need one set of eyes to check for those invisible errors. For example, in final draft-3 last night, DaughterofV asked, "Dad, do you want a period at the end of this first paragraph?" :smack: That kind of stuff. In my estimation, it's a deal killer if you have a tyop on your stinkin resume. Seriously.
I found myself veryvery easily distracted yesterday on this issue. It's important, high stakes, professional stuff, and I couldn't deliver. I do think I have the product ready now though, and I will submit what I have this morning, regardless. Even more than my need for "perfection" is my need for "food", so I'll suppress my bad feelings about what I've written and concentrate on the 90% useful part and **deliver** that. Better mostly there than perfectly unsubmitted, y'know?
Yeah, then when someone who pissed you off is up for dish duty, you can get 'em back... :rolleyes:
Our lab is pretty small (7 people). We all clean up after ourselves. The one person who tends to leave her stuff to 'soak' for extended periods usually ends up with the dirty item(s) on her desk. Unwashed. That usually keeps her in line.
She is also the only one who leaves leftovers in the fridge long to mutate into unrecognizable.
OK, I need to read whole threads to see where they have drifted off to before posting. Yipes. Sorry.
Good Luck BigV!! The unknown scares the hell out of most of us. I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said better, so I'm crossing my virtual fingers till good news is heard.
...and yet I can't get this on paper!!!
I'm with you, BigV. I've got the resume done, I'm in need of a simple cover letter -- somehow, I just can't get it done! :worried:
It. Is. Done.
Not only is the resume, cover letter, application and email done, I have already received a kind *personal* reply in acknowledgement of my resume. :swoons:
God, I can breathe again.
No sweat, you'll have a pair of goats by spring. ;)
How many candles do you want me to light, BigV?
Hint: Put cinnamon in your shoes before you go for the interview. As you drive there on the big day, visualize yourself being offered the job. You're as good as hired, big guy.
When it comes to the interview, BigV. just remember, you are interviewing THEM! "Let's see is the outfit worthy enough to acquire my services?" Oh, and if they ask you that crap about what your greatest weakness is, answer them with a STRENGTH! Like, "Probably my greatess weakness is my drive toward perfection. I find myself putting in long hours to see that my work is done well. I get annoyed with myself sometimes that I can't just let something slide, but it is important to me to get the job done right!" You know, stuff like that. Or you could always say, "I sir, am an ass" and then quote Dogberry's lines from Much ado about Nothing!
Imagine the sorts of questions you would ask a potential employee, and have well thought out answers for them. Be prepared for the uncomfortable question of "Why did you leave your last job?" You may even want to take the bull by the horns and bring it up before they can. "Company Blech is simply uninterested in new technology and innovation. I felt that my career was suffering as a result. I am aware of the great things you are doing here at Company Wonderful and feel that I can make a worthwhile contribution to your goals here, as well as my own." Or whatever. You get the idea, I'm sure.
Good luck! And don't forget the cinnamon! :thumb:
My :2cents: :
[SIZE=3]Be yourself. [/SIZE]
You rock, are articulate and kick ass every way till Sunday. That will show thru face to face. Unless this is the first interview the interviewer had ever done, they will see thru the BS and write you off as a fake if you try to be something you are not for the sake of trying to impress.
So far, I have yet to be fired [SIZE=1]*knocks on wood*[/SIZE] so I really don't know how to handle that part of the interview, but if it were me, I'd be honest. "I gave the job away, learned lessons X Y and Z, and won't do it again."
We're all rooting for you, and you know it. Kick ass!!
Oh, and if you don't get interviews right off the bat, don't fret too much (I know, easy for me to say, who's not eating ramen and saltines for dinner) a lot of places have to post jobs even though they already have someone internally that they planned on putting in that position. Keep at it, and post here to help let the steam and nervousness out.
Having spoken with BigV outside of the cellar, I can vouch for his wit, charm, and ability to articulate his thoughts clearly on the fly. Don't let his handwringing fool you, he'll have a job offer before February rolls around. March at the latest.
Um, am I still allowed to post about miscellaneous problems I have which make me in need of generic support?
Because I do have some stuff that's bugging the CRAP out of me, but I don't want to take the support and attention away from BigV, who probably needs it more trhan me...
I don't know. I'm kind of drunk right now and contemplating going to the store for some cheese. I would like to talk if anyone wants to listen, though :)
I'm kind of drunk right now and contemplating going to the store for some cheese.
Uhhhh... Only if the store is walking distance :headshake
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese. :yum:
Don't worry, I found some in the freezer :)
Screaming at a sick puppy is wrong. Screaming at a healthy puppy is wrong. Sorry, but it just is.
However, cats are designed to be flattened by trucks.
.
Dog people are notoriously feisty and picky when they think you aren't doing the right thing.
So, I wouldn't tell them that you have tired of this dog after a very short time because she is submissive and "goofy" and "homely" and has a few behavior problems... after being shipped literally across the country alone by an unreliable breeder who ripped you off.
I would also not tell them you are trying to get full price return for a puppy you know will never be show quality.
On another topic, I seriously recommend quitting this practice of giving insulting nicknames to those you want to care about and be close to. In the long run, it is an unloving practice and only serves to bring down both you and them. Habitual harshness or bitterness makes one permanently harsh or bitter. Like those dog people at petfinder. Don't be like them.
If you don't like submissive dogs, please don't be a breeder.
Being a dog lover, and having had quite a few, I find this discussion sort'a depressing.
As you found out, you can't buy them sight-unseen if you're looking for specific attributes. Dogs have emotions & feelings. They develop at different rates. The puppy you have today may not develop into what you expect tomorrow.
So this puppy gets fucked at both ends and you seem to suggest she's too submisive or actually enjoys it. Could be she feels intiminated by being ganged up on. Maybe it eats and sleeps in piss because its the only place she feels safe. Maybe it eats shit because it tastes better than the dog food, or because it thinks you like it. etc, etc, etc. At any rate, its doing these things for reasons that may have nothing to do with whether or not she enjoys it.
Actually I think shipping a puppy across the country in a box like a comodity is criminal. The dog suffers just to satisfy your ego in having a show dog. It's not the dog that's fucked up, it's you. Pretty sick.
You will always get some submissive dogs. That's pack behavior, I don't care what breed.
Stacy , you bought a dog on some body elses word ?????
Well you GOT what you payed for .
I always prefer to sit down in a crowd of puppies and make my own choise , sort of a feeling wich puppy will mature into the dog I want to have , so far I have only had 1 dud , he was a good dog just not the brightest knife in the drawer ( if'n you know what I meen )
Well, Stacey, I wouldn't post on that other board that "no animal shelter treats its dogs better." That's lowering the bar considerably. The Humane Society here keeps dogs in kennels with small concrete runs. The kennels are hosed down once or twice a day, the dogs are adequately fed and protected from the elements. After x amount of time, any dog which hasn't been adopted is given a bar of soap and sent off to the showers.
It doesn't take an amazing amount of skill or investment of time to treat a dog as good or better than that.
If I had a husband I called "buttfuck," I'd get rid of him. If you want to keep a buttfuck, its your life, do as you please. I actually clicked on your link and checked out that site and the members there seem to think you should get rid of your husband, as well, for cruelty to animals.
And it is dead on that if you don't like submissive dogs, you shouldn't be breeding them. Dogs are social, pack animals. Only one gets to be the alpha member of the pack. The other pack members are subordinate to the alpha animal. If this bugs you, either keep only one dog or get yourself a school of fish.
I suspect that your other dogs are following your cues in your dislike of this chihuahua which may indeed be a more submissive animal by nature, and ganging up on it. The behavior you describe is that of an animal which feels completely terrorized. It is highly abnormal for a dog to respond in the manner you say this puppy is responding. You don't like its personality, you don't like its looks and you feel ripped off. I suggest that you cut your losses and out of kindness to the animal, GIVE IT AWAY to someone who will treat it decently - not with resentment and not calling it nasty names. Maybe Busterb would take it off your hands. I bet it would be a thousand times happier living with him and Sheila.
If the breeder did indeed rip you off, then I'm sorry to say that it was most likely your own fault. If you researched the breeder, checked into the bloodlines of her animals, checked to see if she has been winning shows with them, asked around about her to other breeders, chances are 99.999% that you would have recieved an acceptable pup for your money.
I did all these things before buying my pup. The breeder had me apply to get one of her puppies which impressed me enormously. She went to the trouble of importing my puppy's sire all the way from Australia to keep the genetics of her litters as free from inbreeding as possible. Both the sire and the dam of my pup are AKC champions in herding and agility. I got a picture of my pup at 3 weeks and more pictures which I posted here of the pup at 8 weeks. At 12 weeks, she is still the same pup, only bigger and a little less pudgy. She's a wonderful Corgi pup and I am enormously pleased with her. I spent half of what you did for my pup, too. I did a lot of homework before getting her, but that time was well worth it. The result is asleep at my feet with her head on my foot and I call her "Corgette" - NOT "Pisser."
This time last year I believed that 2005 would be my year. I was already 2 months into a health kick – losing weight, exercising etc. My ex agreed to pay me £2000, and although he attached some weird conditions to it and it wasn't even half of what I believe he owes, I'd mentally written it off in my head already, so it was a pleasant surprise. This and working 6 days a week meant that I finally paid off all my debts – no loan, overdraft, credit card, store card etc.
I booked to go speed dating in April and was going to Italy in May for a friend's wedding. In short I felt my life was improving and my hard work meant I could be proud as well as satisfied.
Some time between May-July things started slipping. I lost 4 stone but didn't quite reach my target weight, maintained for about a month and then started gaining again. I lost focus, stopped exercising, started eating & drinking more. I dated 3 men I met at speed dating but I just didn't fancy any of them. I went on about 4 dates with one, thinking I might have been judging too quickly, but the spark was never there.
I started spending more of my money on drink, which meant I put more weight on. None of the funky clothes I bought earlier in the year fitted me & I started making excuses if I was asked out. I ran out of money halfway through each month anyway, and put off paying bills until the next payday to leave me more money for beer & takeaways.
I am now at the highest weight I have ever been in a whole history of yo-yo dieting. I am about £100 behind on bills and haven't had my hair done since September (as I have highlighted hair this shows very clearly).
I finally cleaned my flat at the weekend and it took 7 hours to do 3 rooms (I still have the bedroom to do) because it looked like the sort of place a drunk would go to die. I feel like someone has beaten me with a big dirty stick because I pulled all the muscles in my legs & back cleaning. I feel better about going home knowing my living room & kitchen are clean, but last night I slept on the sofa & probably will again tonight because sleeping in the bedroom the way it is makes me disgusted with myself.
Anyway – I have lower expectations this year. But I do want 2006 to end better than it started. I think I have taken the first baby steps, but not sure how to keep moving forwards. I need to stop drinking (this is going to be the hardest). Then I believe I can slowly lose some weight, introduce exercise, work on getting out of my flat. At that point I might be capable of looking for love again.
Am partly looking for words of wisdom, partly just getting all this off my chest because I won't admit to anyone I know in real life how badly I screwed things up last year.
On the bright side, at least you were doing it to yourself and not someone you were caring for like a child or parent. :)
Sundae, you can always start over. I'm facing that as well. A few years ago I lost a lot more than just a few stone ... I think it should be measured in boulders. Anyway, through inattention, stress, and just plain sitting on my ass laziness I haven't regained the whole load, but near enough ...
You can always start over. You've managed it once, and you will again. Sometimes it helps to have a buddy to do it along with? Have you tried that yet?
If beer is a problem, maybe you should switch to wine.
Sundae Girl--well, you know how very well I relate to all of this, but I wanted to let you know that I will cheer you on and celebrate every victory, and every decision to try again (knowing how much and how often my own self has to try, try again.) You've tackled a huge job (cleaning the flat. And believe me, I've lived in similar abodes. I'm living in one right now!) and you've put it out there and you are brave. I'm with ya, Girl! Oh, and, I think you are smashing! :)
...and you've no idea how badly I want to eat french fries smothered in mayo right now. Will it ever end?
Thank you Wolf - it does help put things in perspective. I've been seeing things in black & white terms (I had everything & threw it all away) but you're right - pick myself up & start again.
And thanks Brianna - I know at least I have an on-line buddy I can talk to about these things. I do wish I had someone closer though.... Am tempted to join Weight Watchers just for the company, but I worry that any plans are doomed to failure if I don't control my drinking first.
And that is SO hard.
Drinking is rather 'hard wired' into my brain. I realize I did that to myself, but, if you can think of it as something like a needle stuck in a groove...like, the feeling of "oh, I REALLY want/need to drink" being a well-worn track in your brain, something your brain will always immediately go to because it's a known path seems to help me to deflect that particular groove. I say to myself, "That's just my first thought. That's where I always go. It doesn't mean it's destiny."
That probably didn't make any sense. Anyway--just know yourself. I always get a particular 'itch' right before I find myself in the liquor store parking lot. My brain feels controlled, my actions feel controlled, like I am a slave to it. I have to (lots of times OUT LOUD) tell myself I am NOT a slave to drinking and that I CAN drive away without a bottle.
I tried to reply to you earlier, Sundae Girl and my lengthy response got vanished off into the ether at the furtherest edges of the Internet somewhere. Alas!
Lets see if this second attempt will work.
Please correct me if I am wrong, but what I got from your post is that you have a problem with alcohol which is making other personal difficulties even more difficult to effectively address.
You want to lose weight, but alcohol only guarantees that you will, at best, stay at the same weight as you are now, maybe even become heavier. You would like to get your debts paid down, but alcohol guarantees that your credit cards will remain maxed out until the end of time. You'd like to meet a new guy, but alcohol guarantees that you will be so filled with self loathing that you just go into hiding from the world.
Your problem is alcohol. Period.
It is very, very difficult to stop drinking on your own. A few people do manage to pull this off, but most just keep on drinking. I admire the hell out of Brianna that she can tell alcohol that she and not it is the one in control. Most folks are simply unable to do this. I can't.
In another thread I wrote that I know that I could easily become the person who single handedly supports a small Californian winery if I don't put the brakes on. When I found myself skating on thin ice over a lake of good Kentucky bourbon in the past, I went down to the local AA group. I completely stopped drinking for 5 years. I now drink in moderation, but I have an internal govenor which will send me straight back to AA and complete abstinence if I sense myself heading for a repeat trip down the same old road.
AA is everywhere. I'm sure there's at least one group in the area where you live. It won't hurt a thing to go check that group out. AA is strictly anonymous and no one there is going to stand in judgement of you for having the same difficulty as they do. This might seem like a drastic step to you, but from what you describe, alcohol is impacting your life in a very negative way and you are having a very difficult time refraining from drinking on your own. It may be very worth your while to look into finding a support group.
The other thing I got from your post is a sense of profound depression. You may be drinking to self medicate you depression. Ask your doctor about an anti-depreesent. It may take trying several before you and your doctor hit on the one that works for you and your brain chemistry. That's the other thing that has made a profound difference for me. I found a wonderful doctor whom I call my "brain chemist." He worked with me until we found a medicine that actually got me jump started out of the depression that I have suffered from all my life. I consider my anti-depressent meds to be no more shameful than what insulin is for a diabetic. Some of us just suffered from brain chemistry that causes us to be depressed. Its not a character flaw - its a physiological one.
Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. I'm sending positive thoughts across the pond for you! ;)
I think the problem is alcohol, yes. It's obviously not helping with the way I feel about things, or my motivation to change anything else in my life.
I don't really want to go to my GP to discuss anti-depressants while I am still drinking. I think I will either get a leaflet about the dangers of alcohol or maybe even a referral to a counsellor or alcohol support group – GPs don't like to prescribe drugs if there is an unresolved underlying problem. What I worry about there is that it will then be on my official health records, and I'll have to divulge this information if I apply for another job or a mortgage or anything official like that. I know that may seem a skewed way of looking at things, but I do have a horror of being officially labelled with a drink problem and that coming back to bite me in years to come. It would also mean admitting I have a problem of course, which is a step I am only just about to take.
Maybe I really should consider AA. At least to say I've tried it. Part of my hesitation in the past (apart from not wanting to admit, again) is the emphasis on spirituality. Then again I've overcome this sort of thing before when dealing with Christian groups... I'll have a think anyway, and I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks for your advice.
What I worry about there is that it will then be on my official health records, and I'll have to divulge this information if I apply for another job or a mortgage or anything official like that.
I had no idea that information would be so public and/or be able to nix you from getting a mortgage, etc. I don't think you should divulge it, either, in light of that. Society is not very forgiving on either side of the pond.
I applied for a mortgage years ago (didn't go through with it in the end) and they asked pretty detailed questions on visits to a GP within the last 3 years.
The same with application forms for jobs.
I suppose I could just refuse to answer...? That sort of thing doesn't tend to occur to me until afterwards! I'm not sure where I would stand if someone asked to see my records. They have no right to see them witout my permission, but it's feasible that a condition of employment might be access to them at some point in the future?
Anyway - borrowing trouble here. I'll see that as a possible option but avoid it for the time being.
As I understand it here in the UK AA is not so spiritually oriented, you are encouraged to get the strength you need from whichever source suits you best ... It probably depends on the group leader/co-ordinator a bit, but in the Midlands you should be able to find a number of groups within striking distance, and so find one that suits you. If you are considering Weight Watchers as a support group then support groups are something you think you would benefit from. I'd say give it a go and best of British to you!
I need support. I'll be straight up: I'm lonely :( . I haven't been alone in 6 years before now and it's tearing me up.
Right - joined Weight Watchers rather than AA, but haven't had a drink in over a week & intend to stick to that.
WW is awful - I forgot I'm not a group person, but I'll use it as an incentive. I've promised myself I will keep going until I've lost 4 stone, after that I'm on my own.
Talking of being on my own - Laebedahs, I know it feels all wrong when it first happens, but you may come to appreciate it. If you set out to meet someone just for the sake of being in a couple it rarely lasts. There are a lot of advantages to being on your own that you don't really appreciate for the first few months.
If you're a list person, draw up a list of the things you can do now that you couldn't before. Even if it's cooking kippers or drinking straight from the orange juice carton. Buy the books you always meant to read - or get them out of the library. Start an exercise regime or a fiddly DIY project.
Fill your time basically.
If you can learn to value your freedom then time spent alone isn't wasted - it's a useful thing to experience. I think it benefits most people to be self-reliant and you are still young enough to know there will be someone in the future for you. Just keep reminding yourself that loneliness won't kill you & there are worse states to be in. That helped me anyway!
But you do have my sympathy...
Good for you and weight watchers, Sundae Girl! I think any support group is helpful in a situation like yours. It gets you out of your house and allows you to see that other folks are struggling with issues, too. The very best of luck to you!
Laebedahs, the end of a long term relationship or marriage is always difficult. Sometimes the loneliness seems to just echo around in your head, as vast as the Grand Canyon.
Find things that interest you in 3D land. Take a class or join a poetry group. You do write pretty good poetry. In my town there's a weekly poetry slam group that meets that is lots of fun. Its a great way of meeting like minded people.
It takes time to adjust, but you WILL adjust. The very worst possible thing you could do is just jump into a new relationship now to fill the void. Get yourself some buddies by going out in the world and doing things that interest you.
I'll send you a pack of banana chips in the mail! ;)
I feel lonely sometimes, too, then I go out and observe my fellow beings and end up thanking the gods that I AM alone. For the most part, people annoy me. I've very little patience and even less good will. I USED to have some (lots, I think) but it all got eaten up. I always end up doing things I don't want to do, saying things I don't mean and being someone I'm not. It takes a toll, though, being alone. Sometimes I fear I'm becoming the female equivalent of Ted Kaczinsky. Then I remember that I'm not that smart. :)
well, eff ya! no one cares re: my loneliness and alienation!
*SOB*
well, eff ya! no one cares re: my loneliness and alienation!
*SOB*
I was going to post something late last night, but all my clever reponses seemed kind of dumb, so I got writer's block. I guess posting something dumb is better than not saying anything when it comes to showing you the lurve you need.
So what's your situation, Brianna? Don't your sons live with you any longer? Did I miss a post about them moving out? Or are they always out of the house with their friends?
How often do you speak with real people?
um. ouch.
my sons are fine. one lives with me and the other does not.
I never speak with real people.
I'll go away now.
um. ouch.
my sons are fine. one lives with me and the other does not.
I never speak with real people.
I'll go away now.
Don't worry about the guy in the ivory tower.
We live with a 19 yo teenage son; he has his own world and doesn't want us in it, barely see him. One needs adult contact; I thought that news reached the ivory tower by now, professor.
um. ouch.
Sorry if I came across harsh. I honestly didn't mean to. :)
I was just curious about the details of your situation. You used to talk every once in a while about your kids, and you don't any more.
I get a lot from my kids, so I can't imagine being lonely as long as they are around. Of course, teenagers aren't the same as little kids. At least, I wasn't when I was a teenager.
Many years ago, I was living alone and was unemployed for about 3-4 months. It was very lonely. I spoke to real human beings (as opposed to typing on a computer) about 2-3 times a week back then. I didn't even have the Cellar to fall back on. It wasn't really enough. Some days, walking over to a 7-11 was the most human contact I would get.
Sorry if I came across harsh. I honestly didn't mean to. :)
I'm glad to hear that. Hopefully, Bri will be back after a short break.
For a Support thread, some folks have been fairly critical after people let loose with their honest feelings. That reinforces the idea that if you tell someone something, they can use it against you. So, you bottle it up inside until it explodes.
Maybe so, but sometimes those explosions are more revealing......feel better, too. :lol:
I did some looking around for a local poetry group, couldn't find any (wonderful backwoods city!). I'm sure I could find one if I started looking in the Atlanta metro area, but I really don't want to have to drive there. It isn't very far, it's just my car gets horrible gas miledge.
Why drive? Post it in the Cellar. :)
Is there a difference between support and validation? Sometimes I get the feeling that people don't want others' insight, they just want to hear that they're right about something.
I quit asking for validation from others directly. My problem is that I still seek it, but now I cloak it in self-deprecation. I say "does this suck?" when the only answer I care to hear is "of course it doesn't suck -- you are awesome".
Praise and derision make me equally uncomfortable, and I don't LIKE to hear either. But I continually seek them out. I crave attention of any kind, whether positive or negative, yet receiving attention makes me squirmy.
wolf, one to admit please.
My caveat: "I will support you in whatever you wish to do, or through any problems you are having, however, I do reserve the right to tell you when something is just damn stupid."
Just an update as it's about a month since I first raised these issues.
I've lost 9lbs so far at Weight Watchers. Lots to go, but I seem to be in a routine now and am steadily losing each week.
I fell off the wagon last week when I hurt my leg and got drunk on wine, but apart from that one night I haven't had a drink since 9 January. I gave up drink-fuelled smoking at the same time, so I seem to have cracked the lot all in one go.
I have a lot more money because of this three-pronged attack and am saving for a holiday next year and a suprise party for my Mum's 60th in September.
Needless to say I am feeling much more in control and subsequently happier. Thanks to those who offered support & suggestions - it did help break the cycle.
Just an update as it's about a month since I first raised these issues.
I've lost 9lbs so far at Weight Watchers. Lots to go, but I seem to be in a routine now and am steadily losing each week.
I fell off the wagon last week when I hurt my leg and got drunk on wine, but apart from that one night I haven't had a drink since 9 January. I gave up drink-fuelled smoking at the same time, so I seem to have cracked the lot all in one go.
I have a lot more money because of this three-pronged attack and am saving for a holiday next year and a suprise party for my Mum's 60th in September.
Needless to say I am feeling much more in control and subsequently happier. Thanks to those who offered support & suggestions - it did help break the cycle.
Well done Sundae Girl! Most impressive is that you didn't let the slip up with the wine convince you that you had failed and you might as well go the whole hog. You saw it for what it was - a temporary lapse. I admire you. Keep it up!
Fired yesterday afternoon.
Aftershocks to follow.
History has repeated itself.
I am hustling to get my resume ready for primetime. I will post more details as soon as I can. In the meantime, I'm officially the newest and hungriest job-seeker out there.
So sorry to hear that V.
Much support and good thoughts sent your way.
Sorry V!
But get back on that horse. You've done it before.
Oh, BigV! That is too bad! :(
How is the Seattle economy? Whatever it is, I'm sure a guy like you will find another job soon. :thumb:
Well, that sucks. Somedays I have premonitions that I will have the same fate. For all our differences, I truly do wish you the best in this and that you get back up on your feet soon.
What little security we can muster can be so fleeting. :(