Marine wedding.

I mentioned awhile back that I was writing to a Marine serving in Iraq. I hadn't met the boy but worked with his Grandfather and ...well...just felt like it.
Well the kid survived the war, but was felled here in the states...by cupid. :D

Those are some extraordinarily large groomsmen.

Very, but I'm betting they're not in the marines.

I was assuming that as well. But those are some very tall men is what I'm saying.

It's almost comical how tall they are compared to the others in the photo. Like the others are just children or something.

Why isn't this story on the ABC Evening News? Kinda nice to hear about a couple of people finding love instead of being fitted for artificial limbs, or worse.

The groom had to get a special dispensation from the Marines to join because he is under the size limit. The groomsman in yellow is his uncle (mom's brother) but I don't know who the other giant is.

I thought the Marines dumped that requirement after the Audie Murphy debacle. I remember running into some latino Marines at a paintball tournament years ago little guys... and very dangerous!

Damifino...that's what his Grandpa told me. :)

Nothing against your friend, what-so-ever, but the Pocatello paper needs to get a better reporter:



As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The groom took her by the hand and escorted the bride to the stage under the large pavilion. Mayor Ray Bailey of Lava Hot Springs officiated.

The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. It was a very peaceful ceremony as the birds sang and the background.

That has got to be one of the worst bits of writing I've ever seen. :headshake

(I'm sure your friend is very happy despite the newspaper coverage of the event) ;)

I'm betting there are relatively few aspiring Hemingways willing to work for Pocatello-scale wages these days. :)

Elspode wrote:

I'm betting there are relatively few aspiring Hemingways willing to work for Pocatello-scale wages these days. :)

From the example above, I'd say there were very few high school graduates willing to work for those wages, either. Pocatello is kind of a cool town in a Idaho sort of style, by the way. You'd think the paper could scrape up a cub reporter who had passed English class in 10th grade. :eyebrow:

At least it didn't start with "It was a dark and stormy night...." :lol:
The ceremony was held was at a mountain top picnic grove that they accessed by a 1 1/2 hour horsedrawn wagon ride. I can picture these people, in their Sunday best, sweltering in a porta-potty that's been sitting in the August sun.

Events like weddings are usually covered by the editor's mistress or mildly retarded granddaughter, aren't they? Small newspapers save the Journalism School Graduates for reporting on important things, like hog futures and the county fair.

I admit it's a bit flowery, but I don't see any obvious spelling or grammer rules being broken.

dar512 wrote:

I admit it's a bit flowery, but I don't see any obvious spelling or grammer rules being broken.

You wouldn't.

;) :lol:

:question: :question: :question:

dar512 wrote:

I admit it's a bit flowery, but I don't see any obvious spelling or grammer rules being broken.

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above. :o

Queen of the Ryche wrote:

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above. :o

Oh yeah? Tell Marichiko that! :D

Queen of the Ryche wrote:

1.) Lack of spelling or grammAr errors do not quality writing make.
2.) See above. :o

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

So sad but so true. I think I'll start my two year old on Beowulf and Chaucer right away. Okay, maybe when she's five.

Yeah, Beowulf would be a bit much for a 5 year old.. the whole ripping off of limbs, mass killing of the innocent and whatnot :biggrin:
I'd start with The Canterbury Tales

Yeah, but there's all that sex in there...and the Wyf of Bath is beyond the pale, quite!

But Beowulf is a funny funny story! As is Gawain and the Green Knight - great humor back in the day...
Maybe Pilgrims Progress? Or a little Joyce to lighten things up? HA HA

There's always Jonathan Swift for long-assed sentences and words you can't pronounce and probably on second thought aren't real words, anyway...

I actually enjoy watching Sesame Street. The bits have some good hidden adult humor, and are just long enough for my two year old's TV-watching attention span; her book attention span is actually a good half hour to forty five minutes - pretty amazing she is. (Her newest words are "probably", and "because" - ask her what color something is, she'll now reply with a strange sentece like "it's probably green, because not yellow.")

dar512 wrote:

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

Right...just the other day I sent someone an email consisting of two sentences. The first contained 185 words and the second, two words. ;)

As an English major I was subjected to Henry James and John Milton. I do not want to repeat the experience.

Brianna wrote:

Oh yeah? Tell Marichiko that! :D

HUH??????????????????????????????????????

dar512 wrote:

And long sentences do not imply bad writing. For every Hemingway there is a Faulkner or a London. You just don't run into long sentences much these days. Modern readers raised on Sesame Street and MTV don't have the patience for it.

Long setences don't imply good writing, either. Brevity is the soul of wit. Something I often tend to forget, myself.

Brianna wrote:

There's always Jonathan Swift for long-assed sentences and words you can't pronounce and probably on second thought aren't real words, anyway...

Introducing 6 year olds to "A Modest Proposal" as bedtime reading really helps to keep them in line.

Yeah, at six they're getting a little tougher :wink:

marichiko wrote:

Long setences don't imply good writing, either. Brevity is the soul of wit. Something I often tend to forget, myself.

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

dar512 wrote:

What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Just the overall cheesieness.

dar512 wrote:

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Yeah, Queen is right, it's very cheesy but, also, the writing is unclear and awkward:

As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The groom took her by the hand and escorted the bride to the stage under the large pavilion. Mayor Ray Bailey of Lava Hot Springs officiated.

The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. It was a very peaceful ceremony as the birds sang and the background.

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.
The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant. It sounds as though a pack of individual country western singers with guitars sang love songs. My guess is that the country western GROUP, “Bubba and his Idaho Coon Hounds,” sang songs like “I promise you,” or “Watch this” or “Goodbye Earl,” using guitar, bass, drums, and a sound system. The reader will never know the truth of this, and probably spends nights laying awake wondering if 10 individual country western style singers (WITH guitars) sang at the wedding or if it was Bubba and his band. “The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

“The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. “

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

The bride and groom who had each made a commitment to serve their country, now made a personal commitment to one another, as well. War torn Iraq was very far away on that peaceful Idaho afternoon with birds singing in the background.

marichiko wrote:

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.

"As" is a preposition, not a conjunction. You can begin a sentence with a preposition, you're just not supposed to end a sentence with one.

I personally agree the writing sucks, I'm just sayin'.

Clodfobble wrote:

"As" is a preposition, not a conjunction. You can begin a sentence with a preposition, you're just not supposed to end a sentence with one.

I personally agree the writing sucks, I'm just sayin'.

Clodfobble, I, too, was thinking that "as" is a preposition, but that didn't seem right, so I looked it up in Merriam Webster:

Main Entry:as
Function:conjunction
Date:12th century

1 : AS IF *looks as he had seen a ghost — S. T. Coleridge*
2 : in or to the same degree in which *soft as silk* — usually used as a correlative after an adjective or adverb modified by adverbial as or so *as cool as a cucumber*
3 : in the way or manner that *do as I do*
4 : in accordance with what or the way in which *quite good as boys go*
5 : WHILE, WHEN *spilled the milk as she got up*
6 : regardless of the degree to which : THOUGH *improbable as it seems, it's true*
7 : for the reason that : BECAUSE, SINCE *stayed home as she had no car*
8 : that the result is *so clearly guilty as to leave no doubt*
usage see LIKE
–as is : in the presently existing condition without modification *bought the clock at an auction as is*
–as it were : as if it were so : in a manner of speaking

Well alright, I stand corrected. It's also a preposition according to Merriam-Webster online, but the way it's used in the article it is considered a conjunction.

No Grammar Nazi's! Ya hear?

Brianna wrote:

No Grammar Nazi's! Ya hear?

Try telling that to Wolf. I won't. I'm scared of her! :worried:

marichiko wrote:

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.

Not really a no-no. See this page

marichiko wrote:

The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant.

Yeah, I'll go along with this.

marichiko wrote:

“The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

The referent is implied in the previous sentence. This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

marichiko wrote:

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

dar512 wrote:

This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

Yes. As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The subject of the sentence preceeding that statement is the flower girl, not Crystal. The reader shouldn't be left to resolve such quandries on his own. Its very awkward phrasing.

dar512 wrote:

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

I can be a sucker for sentimental tripe, myself. I like my sentimental tripe to be well written, however. ;)

I like MY sentimental tripe to have some sex in it! Oh, and not be written in "ebonics", either.

marichiko wrote:

I can be a sucker for sentimental tripe, myself. I like my sentimental tripe to be well written, however. ;)

How can you surf the net, then? Doesn't your head explode?

Personally, I'm just happy when the writer doesn't confuse your and you're, their and they're, anxious and eager, etc.

dar512 wrote:

How can you surf the net, then? Doesn't your head explode?

Personally, I'm just happy when the writer doesn't confuse your and you're, their and they're, anxious and eager, etc.

I generally don't cruise the net looking for sentimental tripe. If I want that, I'll pick up a romance novel at a garage sale or something. Usually those have at least had to pass the eye of a proof reader, sometimes even an editor. ;)

You mean a "spell checker".

I've found some very bad typesetting, spelling, and unintentional grammar mistakes in GOOD novels that never should have made it past the galley proofs.

wolf wrote:

You mean a "spell checker".

I've found some very bad typesetting, spelling, and unintentional grammar mistakes in GOOD novels that never should have made it past the galley proofs.

You need to stop buying those pirated editions printed in Sri Lanka, Wolf. And I mean ROOF READER, not spell checker! :lol:

ROOF READER? :headshake

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

ROOF READER? :headshake

You know. You run spell check and it will let something like "roof reader" pass cuz its spelled right. It takes a human "pROOF READER" to catch stuff like that. ;)