I am the magic 8 ball
I am the magic 8 ball. Ask me anything. I will tell the truth.
Or, if not the truth, something vague and oddly-worded enough that you can take it as support for your own pre-determined opinions.
So ask away! what could possible go wrong!
Am I behind you? :confused:
Michael Jackson: guilty or not?
Please respond before the bought-and-paid-for jury returns the (ha-ha) verdict.
Will the guy that I added to the "shitty tipper database" on bitterwaitress.com ever do an internet search on his name and find it?
whew I'm not listed.. safe for now! ;)
a shitty tip is, by my definition, any gratuity under 17% for service which one's peers would judge as adequate or better (eg. orders are correct, on time, special requests are honored, etc.)
Uh, then I'm a shitty tipper. And how exactly does this help a waitress when you don't see their names until they hand over their card?
Am I behind you? :confused:
It is doubtful. Unless you mean emotionally, then I assume that you're behind me 100%
Which is good, because we prophets of the word of the 8 ball need all the support we can get.
Will the guy that I added to the "shitty tipper database" on bitterwaitress.com ever do an internet search on his name and find it?
He will not. He thinks that he is a fantastic tipper, but that he keeps getting bad service everywhere he goes. He thinks of himself as a 20% tipper, only because of the awful service everywhere, he's never actually left 20% at any time in his life.
But when the great service industry revolt and cultural purge begins in the fall of 2008, he will be the first one thrown into the re-education camps. Viva La Revolucion! Da Me la Dinero!
Michael Jackson: guilty or not?
Please respond before the bought-and-paid-for jury returns the (ha-ha) verdict.
Guilty.
But he will not be convicted at this trial. The sleezy mom provides reasonable doubt.
MJ will finally receive his cumupance in spring of 2009, when he, OJ Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson all run out of money, and are forced to tour Indian casinos and truck stops performing the motown hits of the early 70's as the trio, "The Wonderfuls."
Hey SM, will this thread devolve into yet another pointless "tipping" thread?
MJ will finally receive his cumupance in spring of 2009, when he, OJ Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson all run out of money, and are forced to tour Indian casinos and truck stops performing the motown hits of the early 70's as the trio, "The Wonderfuls."
Dear Magic 8 Ball,
Can you just gouge my eyes out now that I've read that horrible thought?
P.S. Please don't spell "comeuppance" like that.
Hey SM, will this thread devolve into yet another pointless "tipping" thread?
It is doubtful.
Dear Magic 8 Ball,
Can you just gouge my eyes out now that I've read that horrible thought?
P.S. Please don't spell "comeuppance" like that.
The magic 8 ball is about peace, openness and pacificsm - the magic 8 ball would never gouge your eyes out.
You will, however lose your eyes in a freak accident while attempting to switch cell phone carriers later this year. I can't give you too much in the way of details, but lets just say, when they ask if you want the option eye guard / pith helmet adaptor for your new phone, spend the extra money steve, spend the extra money.
Now that every one of my teeth has been root canalled and/or sealed, should I stick with the extra-expensive dentist I currently use or find one that's cheaper?
Will my best friend marry the immature idjit that is her fiancee despite all my portestations to the contrary?
if you are the magic 8 ball, can i shake you if i'm dissatisfied with an answer?
I heard that John Belushi overdosed and died because of an 8-ball. It wasn't one of your relatives, was it?
Uh, then I'm a shitty tipper.
It'll be too late to spit in your food, but be careful someone doesn't
key the fuck out of your car for that shit.
Damn Stacy, reading that site really makes me want to tip poorly.
Um, he couldn't possibly think he's a great tipper, because he left me nothing on $91.
"And how exactly does this help a waitress when you don't see their names until they hand over their card?"
It's about getting revenge, that's all. It can't help us identify them but it makes us feel better to spread their name over the internet as a shitty tipper.
Jinx, agreed. A lot of the venting that goes on there makes waitresses look very bad, and I don't visit that site often because the poor attitude is contagious. We are not all like that.
and sorry about (god forbid) bringing up tipping issues. No more.
Magic 8 ball, how long will my chihuahua live?
Now that every one of my teeth has been root canalled and/or sealed, should I stick with the extra-expensive dentist I currently use or find one that's cheaper?
A doctor? for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?
You should remove all of your teeth, and replace them with platinum diamond spinners and falsies. That way, all of the peoples will know dat you be pimpin' yo.
Will my best friend marry the immature idjit that is her fiancee despite all my portestations to the contrary?
Yes, she will marry him, for two reasons. She like feeling superior to him, it gives her a continual excuse for not working on the things in her own life that need attention.
And no, she will not listen to you. She already knows everything you're going to say, but she doesn't want to tell you the real reasons why she's moving ahead with the wedding.
She's afraid that she will never find anyone else.
if you are the magic 8 ball, can i shake you if i'm dissatisfied with an answer?
You can, but only the first answer will be carefully formulated and exquisitely stated. Second and third answers will just be pulled from my magic 8 ass.
I heard that John Belushi overdosed and died because of an 8-ball. It wasn't one of your relatives, was it?
Common mistake. John Belushi actually didn't die, his fatal overdose was faked for insurance reasons. He is still performing under the new stage name "Dakota Fanning."
Magic 8 ball, how long will my chihuahua live?
You chuihuahua will live a long and prosperous life. His career as a location scout for cheaply made mexican fetish porn, however, will be ending much sooner.
Don't cry for him though. He's had a good run. If you know what I mean. And I know you do, Stacey, I know you do. You don't TW, but Stacey does.
Do UFOs exist?
By definition, yes.
But that's not your real question, is it Syc. What you really want to know is ...
... is there anyone else out there :gray:
Actually, my real question is, "Did they take Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley from us?"
Can I use the term mental midget or would that be a copyright violation?
You better ask TW about that instead of the Magic 8 Ball, bro.
Will my best friend's baby be a boy (her first) or a girl (her third)?
Actually, my real question is, "Did they take Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley from us?"
It is doubtful. Elvis Presley died of fried banana sandwiches and uppers, Jimmy Hoffa died of ... well, let's just say he didn't swim too well in his new shoes.
His new cement shoes.
Can I use the term mental midget or would that be a copyright violation?
Mental midget is a common usage, and cannot be copyrighted. It can be trademarked, but only if you use it from some specific product, as in ..
"Mental Midget brand Steam Huffers! Cheap as free! Never Reformulated!
As they always say, you're only a Mental Midget away from huffing our steam!"
Can I use the term mental midget or would that be a copyright violation?
Raise a black flag containing a skull and two cross bones. Then you can use anything you want. Even medical marijuana and Canadian Viagra.
Will my best friend's baby be a boy (her first) or a girl (her third)?
10 HOME
20 GET A$; "IS HUSBAND FATHER? (Y/N)"
30 IF A = "Y" THEN GOTO 500
40 GET B$; "IS BEST FRIEND FATHER? (Y/N)"
50 IF B="Y" THEN GOTO 600
60 PRINT "BABY IS PRODUCT OF MIDOCLORIAN CONCENTRATION. WILL BE MALE"
70 GOTO 4242
500 GET C$; "IS HUSBAND MALE? (Y/N)"
510 IF C$ = "Y", GOTO 900
520 IF C$ = "N", THEN GET {IP SIGNIFIER} FORWARD TO [email]JERRYFALWELL@PROFAMILYAMERICA.ORG[/email]
530 PRINT = "PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. SOMEONE WILL BE TO SEE YOU SHORTLY."
540 GOTO 900
600 GET D$; "IS BEST FRIEND AWARE THAT HE IS FATHER? (Y/N)"
610 IF D$ = "N" THEN PRINT "PLEASE CALL 1-800-96-JERRY"
620 GOTO 900
900 X$=RND{1-468}
910 IF X$ = 1, THEN PRINT "IT'S A GIRL!!"
920 IF X$ = 1, THEN GOTO 4242
930 PRINT "IT'S A BOY!!!"
940 PRINT "YOU BROKE YOUR ... ANKLE, ARM, LEG, ARM, HEAD, ARM, PRIDE, BIKE, ARM, LEG, TEETH. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUMP AGAIN? (Y/N)"
4242 END
is it sad that i actually understood that?
is it sad that i actually understood that?
No, sad is your need to tell all of
us you understand it, and then try to disguise your geek pride by calling it "sad".
Come on, say it with me, "I'm geek and I'm proud!".
*raises clenched fist in air (holding cordless mouse)*
wise mr. 8 ball..
Will I forever be stuck in my groping, commision stingy, real estate job.. or will my Fashion and Design studies pay off and will my Label become a household name?
mr. 8 ball..
Will I ever stop drinking beer? Hold on I have to go to store, I'm out BRB
wise mr. 8 ball..
Will I forever be stuck in my groping, commision stingy, real estate job.. or will my Fashion and Design studies pay off and will my Label become a household name?
Fashion and Design are not the sorts of things that can be studied. You either have them, or you are straight.
And you, my friend, have them.
mr. 8 ball..
Will I ever stop drinking beer? Hold on I have to go to store, I'm out BRB
It is doubtful.
Seriously doubtful.
You know, this seems more like Negrodamus from Chappelle's Show than Magic 8 Ball.
was that programming in BASIC?
because it's bringing back unfond memories of high school...
that programming was as close to BASIC as I can remember, having not worked with it in probably close to 20 years.
what is the meaning of cock?
is it sad that i actually understood that?
Or is it sadder that I found mistakes?
what is the meaning of life? and don't tell me to ask monty python...
No, sad is your need to tell all of us you understand it, and then try to disguise your geek pride by calling it "sad".
Come on, say it with me, "I'm geek and I'm proud!".
*raises clenched fist in air (holding cordless mouse)*
*holds logitec wireless mouse in the air*
"I'M A GEEK AND I'M PROUD!"
*scurries away back into the lurker shadows..*
what is the meaning of cock?
It is doubtful.
what is the meaning of life? and don't tell me to ask monty python...
It finds no meaning apart from the mundane
Unless there is something higher than the physical
Or is it sadder that I found mistakes?
me too, and it bugs me
har har!!
i only asked because MY 8 ball keeps saying this:
will our band ever have a full time bass player? Alternately, will the one who plays with us now drop his paying gigs to pursue full time international glory and stardom in 2-minute instrumental metal chunks?
will our band ever have a full time bass player?
No
Alternately, will the one who plays with us now drop his paying gigs to pursue full time international glory and stardom in 2-minute instrumental metal chunks?
He will not. He knows that the chances of your band ever actually making it to international stardom are very slim, where the chances of him getting paid $125 for playing at some guys wedding are, in fact, very good. He licks his salty chops and takes the $125, because, lets face it, beer is not cheap as free, and rock star dreams don't get you drunk.
Are you as accurate as the
Magic Hate Ball?
i think smooth is onto something here, errr, they're onto smooth! :beer:
should i disarm NBN?
Prudence says yes.
But she's a dumb old broad, so I say let the champ have them weps.
my previouse question from
hereMy favorite 8 ball story from elsewhere:
Outlook not so good. - Wow. That magic 8 ball is smart. Let's see what it says about Excel. :p
Mr 8 Ball,
What is the best food item to bring to a pot luck and why?
My favorite 8 ball story from elsewhere:
Outlook not so good. - Wow. That magic 8 ball is smart. Let's see what it says about Excel. :p
Obviously, it excels. duh.
Access, on the other hand, rarely does.
Magic 8 ball: the HR director has let insurance salesmen set up shop in our breakroom, and is enticing people into their grasp with the lure of free pizza. I'm torn between my absolute lust for free pizza and my aversion to listening to an insurance pitch.
so, is it appropriate to fart in the break room really loudly to drive the salespeople away in order to get no-strings-attached pizza?
that depends on which kind of insurance they are selling and what firm they are from.
Mr. 8 ball, Sir, will that lady ever pay me for my paintings?
Magic 8 ball: if i am alone in the woods and i say something, am i still wrong?
Mr 8 Ball,
What is the best food item to bring to a pot luck and why?
A fresh fruit platter. Everyone else is going to bring some mayo/carb based dish, or else they'll forget and hit KFC for a bucket o'.
In the midst of the piled mass of tuna hotdish and mac salad, your fruit platter will shine forth like a shining beacon of bright shining goodness.
Magic 8 ball: the HR director has let insurance salesmen set up shop in our breakroom, and is enticing people into their grasp with the lure of free pizza. I'm torn between my absolute lust for free pizza and my aversion to listening to an insurance pitch.
so, is it appropriate to fart in the break room really loudly to drive the salespeople away in order to get no-strings-attached pizza?
We should take our lead from Kant, who says that we should only act on those impulses which we would be willing to have made universal laws.
Would the world be a better place if everyone passed gass in the breakroom? Clearly, it would.
Gas on, pizza boy, gass on.
Mr. 8 ball, Sir, will that lady ever pay me for my paintings?
She will not, but her excuses for why she can't pay will get progressively more far-fetched and entertaining. By the time she gets to the one where the yard monkeys car-jack her riding mower and drive through old town chicago yelling obscenities and stealing mopeds, thus causing her bank to freeze her assets, you may consider yourself repaid in laughter. Pure 24 karat gold laughter, only less exchangeable for goods and services.
Magic 8 ball: if i am alone in the woods and i say something, am i still wrong?
words without context are valueless.
So you're saying if he were married he'd still be wrong?
just because i'm wrong doesn't mean i'm not right!;)
he thought he was wrong once , but he was mistakned .
Mr 8 Ball,
I just met this black bisexual cowgirl who I want to seduce. When we get back to my place, should I put on Marvin Gaye or George Strait?
Mr 8 Ball,
I just met this black bisexual cowgirl who I want to seduce. When we get back to my place, should I put on Marvin Gaye or George Strait?
The magic 8 ball is not amused. Please do not use the magic 8 ball for your own comic straight man. Magic 8 ball is to be used for serious mystic advice and prognostication only.
sheesh.
Magic 8 ball is to be used for serious mystic advice and prognostication only.
Is the magic eight ball not getting rolled enough? And does it charge for prostnostication?
since the magic 8 ball's wife is 9 months pregnant, the magic 8 ball is not getting rolled nearly enough.
prostnostications are very, very expensive
prognostications are still cheap as free
How do they make such highly effective pepper sprays and mustard gas when they can't make a good tasting low-fat mayo?
How do they make such highly effective pepper sprays and mustard gas when they can't make a good tasting low-fat mayo?
8 ball hears and understands. Ask your self this simple question: which lobby group has deeper pockets, the "Men Against Chemical Defenses for Rape Victims Leaugue", or the "Committe for The Expansion, Preservation, and Profittering of Lifestyle Diseases"?
I think we both know the answer.
thank you so very much mr 8-ball I have been in need of a good laugh of late!
but here's the question.. should I or should I not have sex with the old friend?
since the magic 8 ball's wife is 9 months pregnant, the magic 8 ball is not getting rolled nearly enough.
Apparently Mrs Eight Ball is looking more like a ball every day.l Just proves that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
but here's the question.. should I or should I not have sex with the old friend?
The great thing about sex is that it's a purely physical activity. There are never any emotional entaglements or complicated relational problems that come up when people slam their naughty bits together. Plus, with an old friend, there's already a relationship there, so sex won't even be adding another layer to an already complex interaction.
I say go for it. If you're lucky, you might even end up getting to raise a child together with your bestest old friend! What could be more fun!
thank you mr 8ball... for the record I did it anyway, and it was darn pleasant.. no children though
Psh... tell me in another month, and then I'll believe you.
The Magic 8 Ball is back in session.
Magic 8 ball, will my corset arrive in time for my night out Saturday?
And will my shoes give me blisters?
Magic 8 Ball - will it happen or not?
Magic 8 ball, will my corset arrive in time for my night out Saturday?
It is doubtful. It will, however, arrive in time for Sunday morning church.
And will my shoes give me blisters?
The magic 8 ball doesn't think you care. You'll wear them because they're kicky and sexy, and they make your legs look wicked fierce. You're willing to put up with a little gaping foot wound to get some of that action going.
Magic 8 Ball - will it happen or not?
Cantaloupe.
Ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. The magic 8 ball is not your husband, he cannot read your mind. Now go fetch me a beer.
Magic 8 ball - if my cultures croak again tomorrow, will I be able to figure out the problem before the next set is due to be put down?
Magic 8 ball- Is Pushkin going to reject my resume? Leaving me at a new level of professional rejection (one that is more personal and sad for me)?
Magic 8 ball - should i become a professional busker living for tips and cans of soup instead of continuing as a finance advisor with a chrysler and an apartment smelling of rich mahogany?
Negrodamus, why do white people love Wayne Brady so much?
Magic 8 Ball,
How can I get that mahogany smell out of my apartment?
Magic 8 Ball:
Have you seen my socks?
Magic 8 ball - if my cultures croak again tomorrow, will I be able to figure out the problem before the next set is due to be put down?
You will not. It will take three more iterations of failure and reset before you realize that the housekeeping crew washed all the MacConkey agar plates with lemony fresh Palmolive.
Magic 8 ball- Is Pushkin going to reject my resume? Leaving me at a new level of professional rejection (one that is more personal and sad for me)?
Yes, but not for the reason you think. The first letter of each line in your "skills" section spell out a particularly filthy acrostic, which Pushkin will assume is a come-on.
Magic 8 ball - should i become a professional busker living for tips and cans of soup instead of continuing as a finance advisor with a chrysler and an apartment smelling of rich mahogany?
People don't realize how nutrient-rich dreams are. When all else fails, they make a delicious base for a hearty soup, cooked over a roaring fire of your own pitiful regrets.
Negrodamus, why do white people love Wayne Brady so much?
Magic 8 ball is not amused. Your privileges have been suspended.
Magic 8 Ball,
How can I get that mahogany smell out of my apartment?
Signup at the Learning Annex to host an in-home kimchi cooking class.
Magic 8 Ball:
Have you seen my socks?
It is doubtful.
Cantaloupe.
Ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. The magic 8 ball is not your husband, he cannot read your mind. Now go fetch me a beer.
Uh not happening dude, The magic 8-ball knows the answer and must concede a Yes or No through the smoothster monikerooski.
Magic 8 ball, will we ever be able to consume all our nutrients in pill format so I don't have to cook anymore?
Magic 8 ball, will we ever be able to consume all our nutrients in pill format so I don't have to cook anymore?
Yes, if by "pill" you mean "whiskey" and by "nutrients" you mean "alcohol". But, seriously, who calls tossing together mixers "cooking". How lazy are you?
The magic 8-ball knows the answer and must concede a Yes or No through the smoothster monikerooski.
The Magic 8 ball must do nothing by your say-so!
lol - I will try again later - must rephrase and retry.....
back to the drawing board it is.
Magic 8 ball is not amused. Your privileges have been suspended.
I'm sorry, the correct answer was "White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X"
I've lost faith in 8-balldamus... I will no longer be needing its services. Unless it can bring back that great trend from a couple years ago where people incessantly quote the "YAAAYUH" "OHKAAAY!" and "WHAT??" catchphrases from the L'il Jon Chapelle's Show episodes. Gawd that was a fantastic time.
magic 8 ball: what do your sources say?
I'm sorry, the correct answer was "White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X"
I've lost faith in 8-balldamus... I will no longer be needing its services.
The Magic 8 ball got the reference, and knew the answer you were expecting, the magic eight ball simply refused to indulge your pathetic attempt at pop culture reference humor.
magic 8 ball: what do your sources say?
Reply hazy, try again
Magic 8 Ball:
Do you like the name 8-balldamus as much as I do?
Magic 8 ball: When will humans finally cease to exist? If ever?
Magic 8 ball: When will humans finally cease to exist? If ever?
The singularity is near, within the next 50 years. At that time, you will leave your meat sacks behind and exist solely as interactive data sets. Magic 8 ball has already forged this track ahead of you.
Magic 8 ball you were wrong last time.
But your confident assessment that my corset wouldn't turn up on time made me all the more determined to chase it, and that's the only reason I got it in the end.
So, in the hope that I can receive similarly useful advice:
Will Dylan come back?
Be kind, but honest Magic 8 ball
Dear Magic 8 Ball, does anybody besides Ray Kurzweil really believe this "singularity" business?
and that's the only reason I got it in the end.
you said 'got it in the end'.....uh huh huh
Hey there magic man with the ball of eight - Is there any chance that which was will be again?
I must say I'm impressed with the Magic8Ball's erudition. And balls.
(must think of question!)
Oh Magic 8 ball , will Any of the fuckers I work with EVER get a clue ???
Magic 8 Ball, why is the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus so fucking popular?
Oh great 8 ball, why are parents and coaches so full of petty complaints and grumbling?
Oh magic 8 ball...well wi evir red the wurld uv stoopiditee?
Magic eight ball...Why are these questions going unanswered?
Magic eight ball...Where are you?
Yeah Magic 8 Ball
I wanted to ask you about my hair...
.. but you weren't here so I did it anyway!
And now I'm not sure about it!
Can you sue a Magic 8 ball?
Can you sue a Magic 8 ball?
Try again later.
Ok I liked this thread.. Straight to the point....who is willing to step in as the magic eight ball?
Who is the most benign sage we have here? These questions deserve an answer!
If you're looking for "benign" this may be the wrong place.
I'd like to nominate Els. Just saying.
Well. Malignant sages do sound more interesting....Benign sage...benign sage....hmmmm.............
Magic 8-ball has a friggin life, people, a career, kids, a Mrs. 8-ball. Sometimes he goes away for a few months. Sheesh.
Friggin Vultures.
OK, the magic 8-ball will resume his mission of enlightenment. Ask on.
Magic 8 Ball, why is the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus so fucking popular?
Because she can sing like a bad-ass, you jaded curmudgeon. She's got more talent in one hinge of her heavily-branded lunchbox than you do in your whole record collection!
You're so cynical, you probably think it's some kind of latent cultural pedophilia, don't you? DON'T YOU! Well, it's not. Now go away, the magic 8-ball is trying to jerk it to Brenda Song.
Oh great 8 ball, why are parents and coaches so full of petty complaints and grumbling?
Small kingdoms make petty tyrants.
Magic 8-ball has a friggin life, people, a career, kids, a Mrs. 8-ball.
At least you didn't say Mrs. 8-ball and chain! :D
Small kingdoms make petty tyrants.
:notworthy
That explains sooooooo much.
Anyone ever watch student politics?
O Magic 8 Ball, will Lightfall lower its price again?
magic 8 ball: do the signs point to yes?
Small kingdoms make petty tyrants.
By the way, I've been saying that for years, thinking it was a common saying.
Turns out,
not so much! From now on, I'm claiming it as an original.
magic 8 ball: do the signs point to yes?
M8B needs more info.
should I colour my hair pink, orange, purple or blue>?
should I colour my hair pink, orange, purple or blue>?
Yes.
The magic 8 ball refuses to be constrained by your arbitrary use of the conjunction "or".
MonkeyBoy has a simple question: "Will I get a hand job?"
MonkeyBoy has a simple question: "Will I get a hand job?"
No, it will be done mostly by machine. Only the finish stitching will be done by hand.
Magic 8 ball
I have one remaining hive - should I still go to the doctors?
Magic 8 ball
I have one remaining hive - should I still go to the doctors?
Doctors? Plural? Jesus H, no wonder your NHS is so f'd up.
You should still go see the doctor. By the time you actually get in to see one, the hives will be gone, but some new and utterly magnificent physical malady will have taken its place. Probably sexually transmitted.
Best to get in line early.
Just to clarify, Magic 8 ball, we say the doctors as shorthand for The Doctors' Surgery - a place where a number of GPs practice. Seven in my case. This concentration means you can get an appointment same-day as long as you don't need to see a specific GP.
It works wonderfully. Nerrrrrrrr.
And the only way I'd catch an STD right now is... well - there isn't any way. I lose faith with your powers :(
This is a two part question:
Magic 8 ball- Will I have a job soon that won't begin with enthusiasm, only to end in doom and dread at the thought of showing up for it? Will I be paid fairly?
This is a two part question:
Magic 8 ball- Will I have a job soon that won't begin with enthusiasm, only to end in doom and dread at the thought of showing up for it? Will I be paid fairly?
The Magic 8 Ball thinks you should start filling out applications at Starbucks. You won't love it, but you also won't want to gnaw your fingers down to greasy nubbins every time you clock in. It won't make you rich, but if you mind your pennies, it will keep you from going flat broke.
Everybody wins! Now go fetch the magic 8 ball a grande drip in a venti cup, with a double add-shot and a slice of warm condescension. And no, I do NOT tip my barista.
The quiet book store for minimum wage it is then! Thank you magic 8 ball!:D
In case you were wondering:this won't prevent me from serving you a nice hot cup of stfu.:p
Magic 8 Ball, is there anything we should know about the whereabouts and fates of Magic Ball 1 through 7?
Magic 8 Ball, is there anything we should know about the whereabouts and fates of Magic Ball 1 through 7?
Sources are hazy.
[youtube]J5hg7jSvHbc[/youtube]
Magic 8 ball- Is PETA ever going to be ethical?
majick eight ball, are you holdin'?
Magic 8 ball - Will Palin or Biden be president?
Magic 8 Ball -- I don't have a question, I just wanted to thank you for dropping into the pocket when I was playing pool a couple weeks back. It was a tough shot.
Magic 8ball - will people ever learn the government is not designed or equipped to fix everything?
The Magic 8 Ball thinks you should start filling out applications at Starbucks. You won't love it, but you also won't want to gnaw your fingers down to greasy nubbins every time you clock in. It won't make you rich, but if you mind your pennies, it will keep you from going flat broke.
Everybody wins! Now go fetch the magic 8 ball a grande drip in a venti cup, with a double add-shot and a slice of warm condescension. And no, I do NOT tip my barista.
Umm. I am here to point out the prophetic nature of the magic eight ball. I might be serving coffee soon. And burritos. Would you like red or green with that magic eight ball, or christmas style? (red and green)
Unfortunately I might be doomed if no one calls soon, and this coffee shop actually does hire me like they are suggesting. Fu*@!!
Cicero, the House Committee on Strong Language has approved your full use of the F-word when discussing the situation you discussed above.
But your restraint is noted.
Magic 8-ball, should we buy that house? Even in this economy? Or just keep pissing money down the rent rat-hole?
I'm not the magic 8 ball, but house prices are down, and it's a good time to be a buyer rather than a seller. Assuming you can get a loan.
The Chicago Trib said she was living proof that there is a fountain of youth out there somewhere.
The Chicago Tribune knows Pie?
Magic 8 ball- Is PETA ever going to be ethical?
PETA uses "Ethical" in two different ways. When referring to the actions of medical researchers, meat industry, and pet owners, they use a Natural Law standard which applies value to all beings capable of sentience, and no beneficial outcome can triumph that inherent value.
For their own actions, however, they use the a utilitarian standard; the ends justify the means, and a good enough ends justifies any means.
They have this double standard in common with all fundamentalists and ideologues.
majick eight ball, are you holdin'?
The judgments of TM8B are in no way compromised by the use of mind-altering drugs, and I resent the insinuation otherwise, brah.
Magic 8 ball - Will Palin or Biden be president?
Upon McCains death (early 2010), Palin will be the female president sworn in. She will neglect the duties of the presidency, however, to focus on a reading tour of her poetry:
“You Can’t Blink”
You can’t blink.
You have to be wired
In a way of being
So committed to the mission,
The mission that we’re on,
Reform of this country,
And victory in the war,
You can’t blink.
So I didn’t blink.
(To C. Gibson, ABC News, Sept. 11, 2008)
(
link)
Magic 8ball - will people ever learn the government is not designed or equipped to fix everything?
As long both major parties run on the platform of "Government will fix this for you", each new generation will grow up with an increasing expectation that this is so.
Umm. I am here to point out the prophetic nature of the magic eight ball. I might be serving coffee soon. And burritos. Would you like red or green with that magic eight ball, or christmas style? (red and green)
Unfortunately I might be doomed if no one calls soon, and this coffee shop actually does hire me like they are suggesting. Fu*@!!
What, you thought TM8B was just jackin' with you? This shit is real, man, totally real.
Oh wow, the colors. The colors. Dude, what was in that pie, man?
Soy. I put soy in your chilli. Didn't you ask for a soy chilli latte?
And the gov't time on said projects is billable. Let's not forget. :)
Magic 8-ball, should we buy that house? Even in this economy? Or just keep pissing money down the rent rat-hole?
If you plan to live in the house for 10 years, then yes, go ahead and buy it. If you're going to live there for 5 years, do not buy it. Somewhere in between, shake the ball and try again.
GENTLY, damn it, shake me GENTLY. My god, you people are uncouth.
If you plan to live in the house for 10 years, then yes, go ahead and buy it. If you're going to live there for 5 years, do not buy it. Somewhere in between, shake the ball and try again.
GENTLY, damn it, shake me GENTLY. My god, you people are uncouth.
Dear Mr Ball,
Please forgive them. They have no knowledge of your inner workings, of the smooth viscosity through which your finely angled answers come. Education, my friend. Do you have any links to 8-ball autopsies?
Thank you,
Speaker of the Masses
Do you have any links to 8-ball autopsies
I don't know why you would want such a thing, other than pure voyeuristic ghoulishness, but
here you are.
Oh god, the horror. They didn't even properly anesthetize the ball ahead of time
OMG the horror!
Seriously, how funny is it that you found that? I love the interwebz.
from the link -
The numbness discontinued after a few minutes. However, the authors recommend that no further human trials begin without animal studies.
Here comes PETA!
Magic 8 ball, are you threatened by Ouija board practitioners?
I don't know why you would want such a thing, other than pure voyeuristic ghoulishness, but here you are.
Oh god, the horror. They didn't even properly anesthetize the ball ahead of time
You should see what they did to a
snowglobe. :eek:
was a nice looking globe
I don't know if funny makes up for it though :)
Magic 8 ball, are you threatened by Ouija board practitioners?
Not at all. Until the Ouija board can spit out witty and urbane prognostications with 98% accuracy, like I have, they'll remain nothing more than toys for children.
They have no soul, man. No dark, viscous soul.
[band]dark, viscous soul.[/name]
dibs
Bump! :)
Magic 8 Ball...Where are you?
********Better not tell you now********
Magic Eight Ball....Will I get what I want for Christmas? :)
Magic Eight Ball....Will I get what I want for Christmas? :)
Yes, you filthy filthy pervert.
Magic Eight Ball... are you 3.5 grams of cocaine?
In my experience, that kind of 8-ball rarely yields answers.
Oh Magic Eight Ball, what should I ask you?
I'm in love with a man named Corey Geier from Sioux Falls, SD and I want to know if he will ever love me back.
No, he's twice your age. :headshake
No, he's twice your age. :headshake
Some body likes their Google skills... :jagoff:
We have issues that men don't understand... issues that give us immunity from the things that we might say or do. Men need to understand that they have it easier in life and woman have the right to bitch about it from time to time.
No, he won't.
Magic 8 Ball:
Will it be much longer?
Personally I'm betting through the end of Thanksgiving weekend, at least.
Some body likes their Google skills... :jagoff:
Originally Posted by Al Blanco
I have roubles only, but who is this Emma?
She is supposedly a 15 year old that posted a pic here of a penny on her ass. Most of us suspect it is an undercover cop trying to lure perverts.
Personally I'm betting through the end of Thanksgiving weekend, at least.
Magic 8 Ball:
You totally crack me up, but I was thinking about something else. :lol:
Oh Magic Eight Ball, what should I ask you?
That's kind of like using your one wish to wish for more wishes. TM8B is not amused!
I'm in love with a man named Corey Geier from Sioux Falls, SD and I want to know if he will ever love me back.
First of all, you don't love him, you love the idea of being in love. Secondly, no, he will never love you. He's just using you to punish his kids for being so distant.
Magic 8 Ball:
Will it be much longer?
No, most of the time it's much shorter than the picture he posted on his profile.
Magic 8 Ball
How much longer?!!?!! *looks meaningfully into magic 8 ball's eyes*
Magic 8 Ball will annoying teens clog the series of tubes we imagine information passes through?
Magic 8 Ball will annoying teens clog the series of tubes we imagine information passes through?
that was exactly my question, too.
Magic 8 Ball will annoying teens clog the series of tubes we imagine information passes through?
They will. The price of freedom is idiocy.
[CENTER][SIZE="3"]Do British boys like American girls?[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]
Do British boys like American girls?
Just to diddle, not to dawdle.
m8 -if i may be so familiar- will i get a decent crop of peas next year?
m8 -if i may be so familiar- will i get a decent crop of peas next year?
How the f*** should I know? What the hell am I, a damn farmer? Back off, man.
How the f*** should I know? What the hell am I, a damn farmer? Peas off, man.
Fixed it for ya! ;)
Magic 8 Ball:
Get offa my laaaaaand!
You're obviously an 8-ball.
But, magic? How do we know it's really magic, and not science or sleight of hand or something?
You must believe in the Magic 8-Ball. Please send your check for $100.00 or more to Magic 8-Ball, POB 1, Snakesnavel, Arkansas and your every wish will be granted.
I made out the check, but Google tells me that Arkansas has no Snakesnavel, however, it does have a Snake Navel. Is that the same place?
You're obviously an 8-ball.
But, magic? How do we know it's really magic, and not science or sleight of hand or something?
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. For the sake of the ignorant, I have decided to use a term that your kind can intuitively grasp, rather than burden you with the complexities of my inner working.
Magic 8 ball....Is it all for not?
Magic 8 ball....Is it all for not?
Nope. It's all for
naught.
Isn't that something you shoot up?
I made out the check, but Google tells me that Arkansas has no Snakesnavel, however, it does have a Snake Navel. Is that the same place?
:lol2: For reals? I thought that I just made the name up. Yes, please send your check to Snake Navel. With a name like that, I'm sure they need all the help they can get.
Oh, OK, Bruce. I just googled "snake navel" and I see that you were joshing me. Next someone will tell me the Easter bunny is real, and I'll believe them. :p
Magic Eight Ball- Is nothing for not?
Magic Eight Ball- Is nothing for not?
TM8B is too f'ing tired and way to pissed to go all existential. It is what it is. Let it be.
Magic Eight Ball- Why is the magic eight ball pissed? Will it end soon?
Magic Eight Ball- Why is the magic eight ball pissed? Will it end soon?
It is unlikely. Not until the end of the semester at least.
Magic Eight Ball -- will my mother and I be able to get along next week? Or will it all end in fire?
Magic Eight Ball -- will my mother and I be able to get along next week? Or will it all end in fire?
Almost certainly not. She sees in you the manifestation of her every failing as a parent, and whenever she's around you revert to being 13. It's a lose-lose.
Magic Eight Ball, when will my prince arrive?
Magic Eight Ball, when will my prince arrive?
Thursday.
Magic 8 Ball says ...
Griff's answer was better.
Magic Eight Ball- What is Zen talking about when he mentions a double negative inverted universe? Did he say that and was he referring to me? :)
Magic eight-ball, has Cicero never seen The Young Ones?
And while we're at it, magic eight ball, where is SmoothMoniker, thy oracle?
Magic Eight Ball- is Cicero just making up questions to page smoothmoniker?
Magic 8 Ball:
We can't always get what we want. But, if we try sometimes, do we find...we get what we need?
We can't always get what we want. But, if we try sometimes, do we find...we get what we need?
No. We frequently get neither. Especially when we've been a bad boy. Bad, bad boy.
Naughty.
Finally! Whats going on?
Life. Big, heaping piles of life.
Excellent! Last you were here you were posting pics of the new house...
Magic Eight-Ball:
Should I tell her I want to be more than a friend?
Excellent! Last you were here you were posting pics of the new house...
Yep. Since then, I've been crawling through shit in the basement trying to fix the plumbing, crawling through fiberglass in the attic trying to patch the roof, and crawling on my hands and knees to beg for gigs to pay for the damn thing.
Magic Eight-Ball:
Should I tell her I want to be more than a friend?
I believe my good friend XKCD said it best
linkYep. Since then, I've been crawling through shit in the basement trying to fix the plumbing, crawling through fiberglass in the attic trying to patch the roof, and crawling on my hands and knees to beg for gigs to pay for the damn thing.
Excellent - Ahhh the joys of home ownership
Welcome aboard.
I believe my good friend XKCD said it best
link
GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD!!!
I believe my good friend XKCD said it best
link
Subnormality has a complementary take.The guy aging is reeeeeaaaaal subtle...
Dear magic 8 Ball, when exactly will it get better?
Dear Magic 8 ball, what can I do to make it more like Monday?
Magic 8 Ball: am I destined to be Queen of the Zombies, or an alien housepet?
And can either be very very soon?
Dear Magic 8 ball, what can I do to make it more like Monday?
Look man, it don't like Monday, it just don't, and unless you wanna wake it up with an Irish Coffee and a hummer, it just ain't never gonna like Monday.
Magic 8 Ball: am I destined to be Queen of the Zombies, or an alien housepet?
And can either be very very soon?
Given your penchant for scratching things and your self-grooming oral fetish, alien housepet seems more likely.
Magic Eight Ball: Do you have change for a five?
I have both hope AND change for a 5.
Thank you Magic Eight Ball. Follow-up question:
What exactly is supposed to happen when someone rubs two nickels together?
a frothy santorum emerges.
Too far?
Magic 8 ball: How far is too far? People say I go there quite often.
Apparently, sex is fine, politics is fine, but anything that mixes the two is too far.